That Time My Heart Broke. Literally. – Part 7 (I Hate Medicine/First Return to School)

May 23, 2012

pile of small, white, circular pills with a line in them. (They look like beta blockers.)
(Photo from I don’t even know if these are beta blockers or not. But you get the gist. I don’t like any pills.)

It’s Wednesday night , so this series continues.

I left off last week being prescribed beta blockers.

Let me take this opportunity to give my rant on medicine.

I hate medicine.

I really, really, really hate it. A lot. If I ever have a cold, or a muscle ache, or anything of the like, invariably someone around me asks if I’ve taken medicine. Why would I? I’d rather just power through.

Sometimes “medicine” is used as a very broad term. I don’t dislike modern medicine. I like the idea that doctors can fix things that happen to me. I don’t like pills, or syrup, or really any kind of thing I have to take. (I dislike pills the most, though.)

I always thought I was very polite, and possibly even somewhat quiet about this fact. But every time I met a doctor on my case in the hospital (or even now, if I go to a doctor for any reason), the first thing a doctor does, as she looks up from my chart, is say, “So, you really don’t like medicine, huh?”

It probably says I’m a troublemaker in my chart, doesn’t it?

Anyway, the doctors at Tufts gave me a prescription for beta blockers. I reluctantly, begrudgingly got it filled, and started taking pills daily (maybe multiple times a day?). Doctors kept stressing that this was my heart, and my life, and everything. They made it sound super serious. Fine. I’ll take your medicine so that I can live. Or whatever.

I returned to school that Thursday. It was so weird going back. The last time everyone had seen me, I’d been walking out with paramedics.

I didn’t know what to say when I came back. I tried to apologize for the big interruption (and possibly startling people), but it’s hard to make that sound sincere (even though it was). I tried to make light of it, but I’m sure my jokes were awkward. I don’t remember what I said, or I’d tell you my awkward jokes. (It wasn’t like I was doing stand up or anything.)

paramedics cartoon, loading someone into an ambulance
Photo from

I also was kind of full of questions (which I’m sure was annoying). I like to be present. I usually like to be pretty in control. And here was this crazy occurrence in my class that I kind of missed, you know, by being unconscious.

I wanted to know what happened, who called 911, and all that jazz. The boys – I’m pretty sure I was the only girl in my class – gave me the story, even though I felt weird being curious about it.

But how can you not be? Everyone else was talking about it. I wanted to feel as though I was a part of the trending topic at school – which was especially weird, because I was part of it! After all, the story revolved around me, which is not what I wanted…

I mean, I did want everyone talking about me. Let’s get real. Otherwise I wouldn’t have taken on fun dares such as this one. But that’s the kind of stuff I wanted them talking about, not weird heart stuff.

It was so weird too, because everyone was asking me how I was doing. On the one hand, that was very sweet. On the other, it was so awkward. Having a heart problem is totally awkward.

And then it was weird because I didn’t have a definitive end. It wasn’t like “well, they fixed me right up!” It was more like, “Well, I have this really rare thing that they couldn’t fix on the first try. Now we’re trying medicine. And we’ll see.”

Of course, many people just got “I’m fine.” The longer explanatory version was mainly for close friends or super curious people.

We’ll pick up here next week.

2 thoughts on “That Time My Heart Broke. Literally. – Part 7 (I Hate Medicine/First Return to School)”

  1. Oh Aurora, that video is amazeballs! I have that song on my running playlist and I have to dance every time it comes on, but I don’t know all the moves like you! I just wave my hands, the other runners probably think I’m loony, but I don’t care. lol 🙂

    1. As you shouldn’t! I dance/run all the time as well. Sometimes I just have to, to keep going! 🙂

      And thanks, Kristen. 🙂

      I was in this class, and my teacher used “Single Ladies” as an example of production stuff we were learning. When he mentioned the song, the whole class groaned, At the time, all of our professors were using that song as an example of something! My class had heard it over, and over, and over, and over again. We were over it.

      So, my super fun teacher in that class (Stephen Webber, actually, who I mention sometimes on the blog) said we shouldn’t be groaning such a fun song. On a whim, he offered extra credit if anyone learned the dance. He thought nobody would do it, but I thought everyone would. We were in a super hard program, so how could anyone turn down extra credit? Especially if we got it for something as fun as dancing! (It’s not my best work dancing wise. 🙂 But it was fun, and I got the points!)

      Shockingly, I was the only one who learned the dance. (And everyone in class pulled out their computers, and smart phones, and such, and taped it.)

      Before I became known at school as “the girl with the heart problem,” I was known as “the girl who knew the ‘Single Ladies’ dance.” Really, neither of which are wonderful labels lol. Maybe someday I’ll go back and get a new, even better label than being someone who knows a Beyonce dance. 🙂

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