A Ride-By Butt Grabbing

August 23, 2012

Photo Credit: DaveByrnes.com.au

I doubt that this really deserves its own post, but I thought I’d share this random story with you.

Last night, I was walking home from the grocery store around 1:15 AM. I could hear someone riding his bike behind me. I didn’t think anything of it. I tried to move to one side of the sidewalk so they’d have more room to pass.

And I heard the bike move to the same sidewalk as me. So, I moved to the other side, and I heard him follow along.

My first assumption was that we were doing that thing in which you realize that you’re on the same path as someone else, so you try to get out of his way – right as he’s trying to get out of your way. Then you have that awkward “wh – uh – oh – sorry” sort of rocking back and forth until someone picks a path and goes.

I figured he was some poor sap cyclist (like I would certainly be) who doesn’t ride a bike very well, and was having trouble navigating how to get around me.

So, I went as far to the left as possible, and slowed way down. Then, as I should hear him going around my right, I hear him getting closer to me. Before I could turn around to see what’s going on – he is right in my personal space. And smacks/grabs my butt. Hard. Really hard. I was rubbing my butt for probably the next 10 minutes. Gee, that smarts!

Obviously, it’s not that big of a deal. He didn’t harm me or steal anything from me. He’s just some butt-slapper. So, really, who cares? But it was just so jarring and unexpected. And I really didn’t know what was happening. I was immediately overcome with adrenaline. I was ready to fight that man!

And as I whipped around to give him the piercing, angry eyes, he sped away on his bike. I wanted to run after him, but I had a backpack full of groceries that was too heavy to allow me to run fast enough to catch him. And if I would’ve dropped my backpack, and made a run for it, I would’ve been even angrier when I came back and either A) All my groceries had spilled throughout my bag B) Someone came along and took my bag.

Also, even if I had caught him, what was I really going to do? Fighting never solves anything. And I didn’t want to actually harm another human being – especially when he was obviously already retreating. So, I would be re-instigating, going after him with the intent of starting something.

As I saw the back of this mysterious, hoodied man riding away, I instinctively screamed, “Rude much?!” That was rude of me, and probably unnecessary. It was almost as though I was angrier that he was such a coward to hit and run than to show his face and say “Yeah, I slapped your butt. What are you gonna do about it?” Of course, that is a thing that should make me thankful, not angry.

So, there you have it. My ride-by butt grabbing.

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