Originally, I had notes for future drafts highlighting good things about being vegetarian/stepping down to vegan.
I was going to talk about trading out my dairy groceries for their non-dairy counterparts, and adding in spinach lasagna to help make up for the void in my life from not eating my delicious Stouffer’s meat lasagna.
I was going to talk about some of the amazing vegetarians in this world – Cory Booker, Lisa Simpson, Ben Stiller is apparently pescatarian (and doesn’t eat dairy or eggs).
I was going to talk about how I’ve been trying to be a bit more adventurous. For instance, I usually special order things in restaurants to be as plain as possible (and then I put hot sauce all over it). I got a salad in the airport, and was about to say, “May I have it without walnuts, please?” Then I thought, “Just try them.” And they were pretty good.
I was going to try to hilariously recount the adventure of trying to recreate the concoction that Josh and I made while he was here. (It didn’t go that horribly, but it didn’t go that well.)
But as the days have worn on, I no longer have the energy to try to see the silver lining or the hilarity or any of that. I can only write about it from the fetal position, crying.
I can already hear some people yelling in my head about how veganism and vegetarianism makes them feel awesome.
I will concede that this all can make someone feel great, perhaps. Judging by how many people are happily vegan, it certainly does make some people feel great.
I feel horrible! All of my energy has been zapped. I have hard time finishing… what’s the word? Sentences. I can’t think. I don’t sleep well. I’m always tired, and I’m utterly miserable.
Sometimes I feel this way. Sometimes I feel “Oh, it’s not so bad. At least I love spinach.” I have yet to feel “This is a wonderful idea!”
Recently, I have asked myself often, “Is $50 a week for my charity really worth this? I care so very much about Broadway Impact… And I am incredibly stubborn. But seriously, my life, my health, my sanity, my happiness – is that worth $50/week?”
I already spend more on groceries. For instance, the spinach lasagna is twice as expensive as the cheap meat lasagna. I think about taking the money I waste on food now and just putting it toward my charity. And eventually making up the difference I’d lose for them by quitting.
I’ve gained 9 pounds! I’m feeling uncomfortable in my own clothes and body.
I HATE feeling this way. I hate it.
I hate feeling like I waste every day recently as I muddle through them half awake. It takes me twice as long (or more) to do everything since I can’t concentrate and I’m so unhappy.
For now, I’m gonna pop some iron vitamins. I’m anemic as it is, so this meatless life is killing me. Perhaps the iron will start to make me feel better.
Whether I quit out of this challenge or continue on, I can’t imagine being happy. I can’t imagine being a happy vegan. And I can’t imagine being happy with myself after quitting something I said I’d do. But how much more time can I waste working at 1/2 (more like 1/4) capacity? How much more weight can I gain? How miserable can I became for I just say, “Enough! Charity matters. Others matter. But I matter too.”
If you get to the point where you are worried about taking care of others to the detriment of yourself, you will probably reach a point where you lose the ability to help others, or you end up working to their detriment as well…