But the truth is, that is how I treat myself as well. Don’t know if that makes it better, but it’s definitely something I do in my life.
When I was in elementary school, I was in the math pentathlon. I lasted oh so many rounds. I was finally playing against someone for gold… And I ended up with silver.
It was unbelievably embarrassing. Think about how many years ago that was, and I’m still not happy about it.
Do you know why? Because I made an idiotic strategy mistake. I let my mind go for a second and victory slid out from underneath me.
I ran and hid under a bench in a far away hallway, and my dad couldn’t find me for an hour. He was pretty mad, but when he saw how distraught his baby girl was, I think he was sort of over his anger.
I am competitive. And I get really, really mad at myself when I wreck something I shouldn’t have. Because I know better! And when I make a mistake that’s in my control, I have no choice but to blame myself.
I will say that as I’ve gotten older, I’ve gotten a bit better about it. I no longer hide under benches when I embarrass myself. I sometimes take off for like a 9 mile run/walk because I find that to be necessary.
On unhealthier days I lose it in a pint of Ben & Jerry’s instead of taking the exercise route. But I’m generally better (sort of – I don’t know, man… There were moments in my improv classes where I just did not want to see another human being ever again).
Anyway, I honestly wonder how the people who lose – especially people who lose at simple math/strategy mistakes as opposed to just on random chance – pull themselves together to spin the wheel.
When I won my car, I honestly said to myself, “Well I won’t guess 52 because it’s the only number that has my unlucky number (2) in it.” Yet, somehow I ended up forgetting that idea and guessing it anyway. Can you imagine if I’d lost, and the winning number coincided with my 52 half marathons in 52 weeks – which was on the freaking shirt I was wearing.
Devastated doesn’t even begin to describe what I would’ve felt. I would’ve been at that wheel with a face full of tears. I like to believe this whole, “I’m a good, grown-up, responsible, ever-growing/changing person.” But the truth is that 3rd grader I used to be – she will live inside me for the rest of my life.
And that’s cool. ‘Cause I adore her. I do love the whole “If you’re not first, you’re last mindset.” Sure, I think it can possibly sometimes sort of be a hinderance. But overall, I think it’s very helpful in life. And that would’ve certainly been her mantra had Talladega Nights been out back then.
However, even if we admit I’m not a perfect person and am slightly, perhaps too competitive (as if that’s a thing), I will say Price is Right is such an incredible blur of a day that I see how you could possibly lose something huge and still be in such incredible shock just by being there and the whole thing that you don’t totally lose your mind ’til you get home…
I always envisioned that if I went over on the wheel I’d storm out like a kid throwing a tantrum, but I didn’t. So, who knows what happens to people in the moment.
I guess the point is… well, the point is really nothing. I probably should be less harsh on other people. But you know, it’s a game show. Get your strategy in check, y’all.