Picking up from last time –
She’s all “but you have support, right?”
And I say, “Yes, of course! I still have a big network out here. But does that matter? I’m just trying to understand.”
“But you don’t need to understand. It won’t change our procedures!”
It felt like I was in the Who’s On First sketch. (I even wrote that in my notes and chuckled when I saw it.)
At some point (I think it was before this whole circular argument business), she told me to just use google. I tried to explain that I did google things and while there was a lot of information on everything else, there wasn’t so much on what she was talking about.
Then she practically yells at me – I’m not even exaggerating! – She literally stands up, so she’s totally in the power position of seated me. She practically yells to check UNOS’s website and TransplantLiving.org – both of which I’ve been to, thank you very much.
I try to explain I’ve been to both of those sites, but I’m getting a little mousy because she’s seriously angry. Instead of matching it, I’m kind of retreating…
She honestly made me feel like I was two inches tall. I just don’t think this is what a medical professional is supposed to do.
She also told me not to come back in person. If I have a question I should email. Well, sorry! I already had to return something. I happened to be here, so I might as well ask a question while I’m here… She almost said it as thought she were a little afraid of me or something. I get maybe you don’t want your day interrupted. But I’m not going to do you harm just by being in the building. Eesh.
And you didn’t *have* to come talk to me. As I said I was already there so I just mentioned a question. You could’ve said you were busy and emailed or called me later…
And, can we back track for one second to when she said, “We’re just like medical doctors!” And she asked me if she were a medical doctor if I’d be more likely to believe her…
During the morning of Big Kidney Day – without prompting, without us even having to ask – while the doctors were giving their lecture in front of the class (not really a class, but you know, us…), they went through every single teeny bit of minutiae – every bit!
They didn’t just tell us they did laparoscopic surgery. They told us exactly why. They didn’t just tell us the left kidney was more likely to be taken – they told us why. They told us every tiny detail anyone could’ve wanted… and they always followed it up with precisely why it was that way.
And anytime any person had any question, they were happy to throughly answer it with no problems.
So what’s this lady’s deal?!
And I get that now that I’ve spent so many days talking about this, I seem a little ridiculous. But you know how somehow you get in fights with people over the stupidest things in the universe – and when you boil it down, you’re not really arguing over whether George or Ringo is better (or whatever) – you’re really arguing to be treated better or more fairly, or to feel like you’re being heard? I think this was just one of those.
I mean, I still it’s a legitimate question to ask if the person present at my surgery has to be my power of attorney to be able to make decisions if something goes wrong… But I certainly don’t think it needed to be as big of a deal as it was.
I didn’t need to make it that big of a deal… But I refused to feel walked all over. I don’t want to have a surgery in an environment where someone on my team doesn’t seem to be looking out for my best interest – she just seems to be checking a box (and putting me down in the process). Does that make sense?
I truly am trying to live a life where I try to work on understanding more than being understood. And I’m trying to work on being patient. But in this specific situation, I am being selfish. I care about me. And I want to have a spectacular experience being a kidney patient where I trust the medical professionals around me, and I trust that ultimately they are looking out for *me* (not for themselves).
We’ll pick up back on Big Kidney Day on Sunday.