So, I thought I’d find out pretty quickly and then wait my three months. But no. I don’t even find out for 3 more months.
So, the day after my birthday (which is the window when I always seems to have the worst luck), I found out that I was denied the opportunity to be a living kidney donor at that hospital.
The nurse who told me was very sweet. And some of what she said is even in writing. So, I can tell you with certainty (since I still have the email) that she said, “I found you to be an absolute delight.”
Boom! So if you were wondering if I was going around being a jerk to everybody, at least one person thinks that’s not true.
Of course, whether I was a bit of a jerk to the psychologist or social worker could be debatable. I’m just saying. I’m a delight, y’all…
The nurse said she tried to advocate for me. (The doctor tried to advocate for me!) People were on my side and thought my motives made sense, and that I was a good, healthy candidate. But the psych team wasn’t having it.
The nurse strongly suggested that I try again in California. She thought I was a great candidate and things just didn’t work out well specifically at their hospital.
She elaborated for me that the social worker thought I was too worried about being liked. She got this from me mentioning how much they were writing down – like I was too nervous about it or something… Me trying to ease the tension apparently gave a deep, dark look into my insecurities that are so unbelievably huge that apparently I need to have major surgery to feel liked.
This is such a funny idea to me to think that I would want to have surgery to get people to like me. There are SO many easier ways to get people to like you! Take an interest in people. Care about them. Remember their birthdays and other important days. Be a generally good person. Be polite. Be a good listener when someone needs you. These are all ways to possibly be better liked.
As far as I could tell, giving a kidney wasn’t going to make anybody like me more. Heck, most people thought I was crazy for wanting to do it! I don’t want to say that anyone liked me less because I wanted to do it. But the people who like me, most likely like me, because of the way I make them feel – not because I want to have major surgery. All that is, is an inconvenience to them!
They gotta worry about me. They gotta bring me smoothies. It’s just almost beyond my comprehension that someone would want to give a kidney to someone because they want to be liked! …Unless maybe, I guess the person wants to be liked by the person getting her kidney. But of course I’ll never even meet that person!
If I did it because I wanted to be liked, wouldn’t I want to pick my donor? I would think that person’s family would probably throw me a freaking party. I wouldn’t have jumped at the chance to be an altruistic donor once I knew that was an option. I wouldn’t be excited about the idea of remaining anonymous.
Now, I will say I do have some insecurities and I do understand that I’m not totally anonymous since I’m keeping a blog about this. And we’ll get into that next time.