Picking up from Sunday –
Finishing out her summary, she does say in here, “patient reports that she would rather do anonymous donation so that the transplant outcome is unknown to her.” So, apparently she did hear that, even though earlier in this very same document she implied I was on the fence as to whether I wanted to do an anonymous or directed donation.
So, basically I don’t completely and totally trust their perceptions of me if details are changing a little throughout the document. I know it’s small stuff. But if we’re soooo professional here, and we can’t cut any tension or have any fun, then shouldn’t we be getting all the details right – even the minuscule one? I’m just saying…
(Okay, I mean, I’m nit-picking and being a little unfair at this point. That really was a small thing and no I’m being a bit too attack-y just in my anger… So, moving on.)
Basically, her summary at the end of the document was that she was wary because of the things I talked about earlier in her report…
And now let’s get to (dum dum dum – scary chords) the psychologist.
In her very first paragraph she again mentions that she’s nervous about me wanting to be liked… She states in here that I made multiple comments about wanting to make people proud of me by donating.
I am genuinely sorry if it came across that way, but I would be willing to bet money that I never actually said that. I’m actually genuinely confused, curious, and a little concerned about how she could get that impression.
I want to be proud of myself. I want to change someone’s life. But in absolutely no way am I doing this to make anyone proud of me. Who would be proud?! My dad is nervous and thinks I’m a little crazy. (Granted, that’s his reaction to a lot of my various adventures… but, you know, in a very fatherly/loving way.)
So, I’m sorry if anything I did made it seem that I was doing it to make someone proud. But that’s so silly. I am absolutely only doing it to try to help someone get out of the hospital lifestyle. I remember how inconvenient and not great it was. If I can keep someone from living that life, then that’s what I want to do!
That’s it. No hidden motives. No nothing else. And I’m sad if somehow I said something that made her feel differently.
All I can hope is that she really wasn’t listening all that well – or that she was projecting or something. Who knows.
We’ll pick up more with what she had to say on Sunday.