Picking up from last week –
We were talking about how annoyed the psychologist was with my “provocative comments” about mentioning The Price is Right but saying I wasn’t supposed to… So, picking up where I left off trying to explain myself –
I honestly just wanted to put her mind at ease (since *she* was the one who seemed so nervous, even though they sort of act like I was a basket-case…), but I couldn’t outright say that I was about to net some extra thousands of dollars to help pad my finances a bit.
I was trying to be cute! Maybe that’s the lesson. Never try to be cute.
Plus, I genuinely was really excited. I really was. I’d dreamed of playing that *exact* game on The Price is Right since I was a little girl. And we were getting close to my episode date. And I was telling everyone to watch – strangers on the plane, the front desk people at the gym – everyone!
Maybe that was wrong. I felt I couldn’t help myself. Most people seemed excited for me. But after reading these comments in the psychologist’s report, I can tell I was actually probably annoying a lot of these strangers. And that makes me feel awful.
But for the record, I wasn’t trying to be provocative. Again, I was trying to cut the tension with something fun. I was trying to ease her mind about finances. And I wasn’t trying to be all “oooh, this is such a big secret, I’m so provocative.” I just truly was only allowed to say “watch the show.” I couldn’t say anything else under penalty of death (hyperbole, a bit) because of that CBS contract.
I will also admit that I did mention it in my talk with the social worker as well, ’cause they asked if I got anxious or had fast heartbeats. Again, I was so obsessed with cutting the tension and trying to be cute (which I should’ve just realized was absolutely never going to happen), that I said something like, “Generally no. But it’s possible I was anxious in one of the few situations where it’s completely allowable. DVR Price is Right to find out. *wink*… No, but seriously. I’m good. I’m not anxious. My heartbeats are fine. *genuine smile*”
Was that over the top? Looking back on it, yes. Was that totally annoying? Yes. I can see that now. And I’m honestly very sorry. I was absolutely not trying to be a jerk. I was just way too excited about the show, and way too nervous about cutting the tension. I see I took it too far. And for that I’m really sorry (even though I guess that doesn’t really matter now…)
And I’ll pick up here on Sunday.