“Will Open-Heart Surgery Affect My Marriage?” (Down, Dirty, & Real Answers) – Part 2

December 27, 2014

Aurora's selfie in the hospital
just a little selfie from the hospital

Picking up from last time –

The same disclaimer is in effect! We are still talking about sex (and relationships) in case you don’t want to hear about that…

Anyway, as I was saying…

For me, there was something easier about dealing with strangers. (Yes, there was also something nice about the guy I knew from the last post, but he was the only repeat guy, and it was only once… In general, strangers were much easier to deal with for me…)

Maybe it was ’cause it didn’t matter if I was gross (with my scar and extra weight), since I’d never have to see them again.

Or maybe it was easier, ’cause I knew I wasn’t letting them down, as they had no old me to compare me to. Maybe it was easier ’cause I was so sick of feeling pitied by people who cared about me, so sometimes I didn’t want to be around them.

I can’t pinpoint what the exact reasons were. It just seemed easier to be with randos (random people)… Whatever feelings of power or freedom or whatever that I needed to feel, I felt.

I would say I spun out a little. Nothing was truly affected. As I said, I always practiced safe sex. Sex never got in the way of responsibilities. So, it was an extremely mild spinning out. But it was my spinning out (since I’m sure many people have their own version of spinning out when something big and different happens in their lives).

I originally was going to post about this way back with my open heart surgery stuff. But I was slightly afraid. Do I want to be labeled a little slut, or someone who sounds like she lost control for a little while? Will this affect my possible future political or entertainment career (or anything else I want to do in life)?

But ultimately, I chose to post this because I don’t want to make my experience sound easier than it was. It was really hard. There was this slightly darker side, and I feel I should give the full story. I feel if you’re out there really struggling, looking for other people’s experiences, you should be able to know you are so not alone, my friend.

(And yes, I am aware that as a woman I’m allowed to have practically whatever kind of sex life I want, which a lot of partners if that’s what I choose, without any shame. Nonetheless, if it weren’t tying in with open heart surgery, I most likely would not be talking about it here… That’s just something I currently don’t enjoy talking about on the blog… That could change in the future. Maybe someday I’ll be another Candace Bushnell. Today’s not that day, though.)

Going back to the main question that started this – if you’re worried about how your relationship will be affected… if the non-patient can show the patient enough patience (agh, words!) to get through the tough after-period where their significant other maybe feels ugly and helpless and upset (which might last longer than you want it to, or than you logically believe it should) – if you can do that without building resentment, then maybe you’ll be fine!

And maybe the patient won’t react like I did at all! Maybe it’ll all be a bed of roses. They might not feel gross. They might just feel thankful. I’m obviously only making guesses and assumptions from my own personal experience.

I guess to all of you out there worrying and looking up blog posts about your relationship… I think the fact that you care so much is already a step in the right direction. All I can really say is best of luck with your surgery and all repercussions it may bring (though hopefully it brings very few). As with almost everything in life, this too shall pass (even if it feels like it never will… Eventually, it will).

I'd love to hear from you! So whaddya say?