Time for another installment of this Wednesday/Sunday night series!
Picking up from last time –
So, am I angry because I’m fearful that part of what she says may have some truth somewhere in it?
I like to think not. I like to think it’s purely out of what I feel is injustice… It’s a hard question to ask myself though.
Of course I have flaws. And I want to be better with many things. But the Ohio psychologist picked flaws I wasn’t even really considering.
And is that maybe the problem? That I can already list for you things I want to work on, and when she lists this new stuff, I wonder if I have an incorrect view of myself. Am I seeing myself in the wrong light?
I know there’s that whole thing that there is no true one version of you because people see you differently, but there is still, I think, a generally agreed upon version of who someone is. And am I way off base with who I think I am?
Ultimately, I don’t think so. (Am I going in circles here, or what?)
Mainly, I don’t think the mental health people in Ohio liked how stubborn I was. And I already know I’m stubborn! And we just have fundamental differences in opinions on the other stuff.
Yeah, there might be days when I am a little irresponsible. Heck, I admitted being late to one of my appointments! But I’m not irresponsible in the way she thinks I am. She thinks jetting off for two months is irresponsible? I think if I’m not working, I might as well go have a ball! So, we will just have to agree to disagree.
And I am happy that people at UCLA saw me more in the way I see myself. All I can do is continue to try to be better person all the time. I’m not perfect. I never will be. And if someone disagrees with me on the ways in which I’m imperfect, well, as I said at the beginning of this, I have to let it go.
Cory Booker says a quote a lot that’s something along the lines of, “anger is an acid that only eats away at the vessel which holds it.” So, I will do my best not to be angry anymore about those Ohio meetings…
I do find it hard sometimes. It’s not like I think about it all the time… but when I’m reminded by kidney stuff out here, I do get that little twinge of grrrrrr.
So, I will try not to be angry. I will try to completely let it go. And I will very much try to never mention the Ohio psychologist or social worker again in any more posts (unless there is some legitimate reason I feel I need to).
Thanks for letting me just kind of talk this out. And if you have anything to add, I’d love to hear in the comments!
A this is where we’ll pick up next time.