Picking up from last time –
As I was picking my songs, I also started to wonder who’d be on my panel… I think it’s possible Robert Lopez himself will be there. But I don’t know! He teaches in advanced lab. And his twitter said he’s left San Diego for New York. So, will he be at these auditions? Hmmm, hmmm, hmmm.
Not that it really should matter who’s on the panel, but I’m curious.
Thinking about this audition probably took up a little too much of my headspace over the past couple of weeks. There were parts of it I could think about and parts I shouldn’t. For instance, wondering who was going to be on the panel was a waste of brain space. Wondering what songs I should pick was probably worthwhile, as that’s a legitimate concern within my control. (Though how much thinking about it is too much thinking, or is that even possible?)
I don’t think it’s smart to worry about things outside of my control. (Of course, whether I think it’s smart, doesn’t mean I always adhere to that thought.)
I also think it’s not super cool of me to worry about one audition so much. I mean, goodness, if I worried this much about every audition I’d never get anything done. And I try to justify it by saying, “well this audition could change my life.” Guess what? Every audition could change my life. Every anything could change my life. So, I maybe need to drop that.
And yet, I still thought about it.
I was offered two new jobs about a week and a half before this audition. My show was coming to an end, and the company I was currently working for offered to let me come on to another show. Or… I was offered a union job in Burbank… making hundreds of dollars more per week (plus money in a pension and all that sweet union stuff…)
At the place where I was currently working, they knew I had the New York thing. The new show was to start about a week after my audition. They said, “If you get New York, we’ll be so happy for you and you can go do it with no hard feelings at all. We know we might have to replace you.”
But if I took the new job, well, they were not aware of this possibility. The job started a week before my audition. So, I’d work it for a little while. Then if I got in, I’d pretty abruptly quit, and probably burn a bridge with this super nice woman who was hiring me (for whom I’ve worked before). I really didn’t want to do that!
But I couldn’t live my life as though I had this workshop on lock. Plenty of people have not gotten in over the years. I couldn’t turn down that job. (Well, I can do anything I want. But it didn’t feel smart to turn down that job.)
So, I didn’t. I took it.
And this is where I’ll pick up next time.