Picking up from last time –
(As I read through this I realized I just waffled all over. This post is nothing. Read and drive yourself crazy if you want. Or skip forward to see if my thoughts can get their act together just a little. ;))
I have moved a lot in my life. I moved a lot with my parents until I got to high school. After high school, I moved a lot as an adult. (I went back and forth between New York and Boston. I also did the New York (or Boston) to LA and back a few times.) And each time, I moved, for the most part, without fear.
Sure, there was some fear always about where will I live? How will I afford to support myself? Will I get stuck in Los Angeles for the rest of my life? š But it wasnāt usually that super hard to leave because I never really felt I was leaving a life Iād built.
Even when I quit Berklee and came to LA for Americaās Got Talent, that was the most life Iād really builtā¦ But even that wasnāt super hard, because at Berklee, once youāre in, youāre in for life. I could go back anytime.
Also, even the connections Iād made in regional theater in Boston were pretty much severed from all the time Iād been spending in the hospital with my heart issue. So, it wasnāt super hard to leave that either.
And then every time I left LA, all Iād really been is a PA (or maybe transcriber) in reality television. What was I really leaving behind?
But now, for the first time, I have a pretty big colleague pool, and have moved up to pretty consistently having nice mid-level jobs.
Iāve met people who work in scripted, and Iāve been trying to float my name and show my face as much as I can. I have improv schools Iāve moved forward in. I have a fabulous apartment thatās really mine. (Itās not some short-term or sublet, as it has so often been when I moved in the past.) My nameās on the lease (like a super grown-up), and Iāve lived there for over 4 years. (What?!))
I have a life in Los Angeles.
And my BMI/New York life will be a better life, Iām sure. Itās not like Iām writing on The Simpsons and have to leave that or anything (’cause let’s get real, who would?). Ultimately, Iām still just a girl working in reality television, who, while she has done a lot of improv, is still just a student (and really not all that great at it). And who cares how nice my apartment is?
Still… itās weird to leave something youāre building (or at least that you think you’re building – though am I even, really, ’cause how far have I gotten in over 4 years?)
The point is, it’s a bit of a weird in-between place of, āHey New York, please think of my for opportunities,ā without ripping up the foundation Iāve built in LA. (Though ultimately, I will burn that foundation down if need be. š I mean, BMI/New York is happening!)
And this is where I’ll pick up next time.