Picking up from last time –
(As I read through this I realized I just waffled all over. This post is nothing. Read and drive yourself crazy if you want. Or skip forward to see if my thoughts can get their act together just a little. ;))
I have moved a lot in my life. I moved a lot with my parents until I got to high school. After high school, I moved a lot as an adult. (I went back and forth between New York and Boston. I also did the New York (or Boston) to LA and back a few times.) And each time, I moved, for the most part, without fear.
Sure, there was some fear always about where will I live? How will I afford to support myself? Will I get stuck in Los Angeles for the rest of my life? 😉 But it wasn’t usually that super hard to leave because I never really felt I was leaving a life I’d built.
Even when I quit Berklee and came to LA for America’s Got Talent, that was the most life I’d really built… But even that wasn’t super hard, because at Berklee, once you’re in, you’re in for life. I could go back anytime.
Also, even the connections I’d made in regional theater in Boston were pretty much severed from all the time I’d been spending in the hospital with my heart issue. So, it wasn’t super hard to leave that either.
And then every time I left LA, all I’d really been is a PA (or maybe transcriber) in reality television. What was I really leaving behind?
But now, for the first time, I have a pretty big colleague pool, and have moved up to pretty consistently having nice mid-level jobs.
I’ve met people who work in scripted, and I’ve been trying to float my name and show my face as much as I can. I have improv schools I’ve moved forward in. I have a fabulous apartment that’s really mine. (It’s not some short-term or sublet, as it has so often been when I moved in the past.) My name’s on the lease (like a super grown-up), and I’ve lived there for over 4 years. (What?!))
I have a life in Los Angeles.
And my BMI/New York life will be a better life, I’m sure. It’s not like I’m writing on The Simpsons and have to leave that or anything (’cause let’s get real, who would?). Ultimately, I’m still just a girl working in reality television, who, while she has done a lot of improv, is still just a student (and really not all that great at it). And who cares how nice my apartment is?
Still… it’s weird to leave something you’re building (or at least that you think you’re building – though am I even, really, ’cause how far have I gotten in over 4 years?)
The point is, it’s a bit of a weird in-between place of, “Hey New York, please think of my for opportunities,” without ripping up the foundation I’ve built in LA. (Though ultimately, I will burn that foundation down if need be. 😛 I mean, BMI/New York is happening!)
And this is where I’ll pick up next time.