Recently I’ve been feeling like I haven’t been fitting into work super duper well. There’s not an available office for the assistant editor. So, I’ve been bouncing around to different computers, trying to find a good main workspace, feeling like Goldilocks – trying to find the one that will work.
(Especially where we’re working during the dark week. We don’t have shows, so it’s been pretty hard because schedules are different and things people are doing are different…)
I didn’t feel like I was fitting in at my original spot for various reasons (that we can get into at Denny’s if you want). I definitely didn’t fit in at my next one (which is a story for another day).
So, on the last one I tried, I happened to be in there while people were talking about an upcoming field shoot. And they needed a “cute girl” for the shoot. They started listing basically every girl in the office – except me.
Then, someone said, “Guys, guys. Aurora is sitting right here.” And that was met with wild cackling laughter.
Now, in real life, it was most likely met with such laughter because it’s like, “Oh someone pointed something out in a funny way – that we have listed literally practically every woman in the building and not her.”
But in the moment – because I really can’t seem to fit in anywhere and things are not going incredibly well for me, it *felt* like “Bahahahaha! Aurora?! Be the cute girl? That’s rich?”
So, I smiled a little to get in on the laughter with them. And pretty soon after, calmly left the room and went to a bathroom far away that probably no one would really be using, and I cried for twenty minutes.
Then I calmed down and went to a different empty room, ’cause at that point on a Friday no one was really in the office anymore.
Then I recounted this silly story on snapchat. And *immediately* someone in Los Angeles texted me and told me I was beautiful and it was all gonna be okay.
And then I sobbed in that office for another 15 minutes or so because it meant to the world to me that that person who was so far away still cared about me enough to do that.
Ah, sobbing at work. Being cute or not. Who knows! Life.