[Note: This was originally meant to post on Dec 11 – I am *still* catching up! I am working my way through it!]
Oh goodness.
Recently I’ve been feeling like I haven’t been fitting into work super duper well. There’s not an available office for the assistant editor. So, I’ve been bouncing around to different computers, trying to find a good main workspace, feeling like Goldilocks – trying to find the one that will work.
(Especially where we’re working during the dark week. We don’t have shows, so it’s been pretty hard because schedules are different and things people are doing are different…)
I didn’t feel like I was fitting in at my original spot for various reasons (that we can get into at Denny’s if you want). I definitely didn’t fit in at my next one (which is a story for another day).
So, on the last one I tried, I happened to be in there while people were talking about an upcoming field shoot. And they needed a “cute girl” for the shoot. They started listing basically every girl in the office – except me.
Then, someone said, “Guys, guys. Aurora is sitting right here.” And that was met with wild cackling laughter.
Now, in real life, it was most likely met with such laughter because it’s like, “Oh someone pointed something out in a funny way – that we have listed literally practically every woman in the building and not her.”
But in the moment – because I really can’t seem to fit in anywhere and things are not going incredibly well for me, it *felt* like “Bahahahaha! Aurora?! Be the cute girl? That’s rich?”
So, I smiled a little to get in on the laughter with them. And pretty soon after, calmly left the room and went to a bathroom far away that probably no one would really be using, and I cried for twenty minutes.
Then I calmed down and went to a different empty room, ’cause at that point on a Friday no one was really in the office anymore.
Then I recounted this silly story on snapchat. And *immediately* someone in Los Angeles texted me and told me I was beautiful and it was all gonna be okay.
And then I sobbed in that office for another 15 minutes or so because it meant to the world to me that that person who was so far away still cared about me enough to do that.
Ah, sobbing at work. Being cute or not. Who knows! Life.
I usually avoid the word “cute” except in the context of babies (human and animal) and behaviors which are endearingly juvenile. Similarly for a lot of folks,”smart” & “cute” are mutually-exclusive in a way that “smart” &”beautiful” or “smart” & “sexy” are not. Given your power-job, you should take it as a compliment that they don’t see you as “cute.”
Kevin, I love that you comment on my blog. And I love your positive reactions to things I present in a negative light. I totally appreciate this comment, but I will say the girl they used is a writer on the show – so she has a more powerful job than I do. 😛
Anytime. But as to this situation…..Ah. Um…Hope you had a good cry? :-/
(The best I can do is hope that they held back because they had shown you their cards. In other words, perhaps they wanted to approach a woman saying “We think you’d be great for this.” as opposed to “We think you’d be great for this because we need someone cute and you fit the bill!” Once you heard their motivation it was going to be awkward no matter what they did, so they chose the path less likely to lead to a sexual harassment complaint. But either way that was seriously awkward to be you. 🙁 )
Haha. Thank you. And yes, I had a great cry! 😉