[Edited to add: For anyone who needs the context of when this originally was posted, I’d been sexually assaulted a handful of days before this post. That’s why I was postulating about home and missing it so much (and running back there whenever I had a free moment to)…]
In my last post on this subject, I half made the argument that LA should still be allowed to be called my home.
But I’m starting to realize it’s maybe not smart to still be calling it home, and feeling like I can run there any time I good and well feel like it.
If I want to make a real, real life, in New York, then I need to do that.
I almost went home (to LA) last weekend… (It was basically my first chance to go back since the holiday break – a mere 3 or so weeks earlier(!).)
I was convinced to stay in New York for the weekend. And while that was fun (and normal, since I freaking live there!), I still got some texts from some friends in LA and thought about how I half wished I were there.
(And I do realize attitude is possibly 90% of life. So, I gotta stop FOMO-ing or what have you if I wanna be super happy here.)
I go to LA kinda a lot still. And I think all I’m doing is making it harder on myself.
And I’m missing out on stuff out here! If I actually want to connect with people… There’ve been way too many instances of “hey, let’s finally grab that drink Saturday.” “Oh, I’m sorry. I can’t. I’m in LA then.”
Do I want to make a network here, or not? Do I want to do cool events here and get involved and entrenched in the city, or not?
When I started this post, I had this plan that it was gonna be a great post and that I was maybe going to figure something out, or make a grand statement that I’d stop going back so much…
But I don’t necessarily think any of those things are true…
I’m just – I’m going back a lot. And I don’t know what I’m doing. And it’s making it harder to settle in here… And as it says in the title, I don’t think I’m doing myself any favors calling it home or going back so much…
I don’t know. We’ll see…