My Downfall At BMI – Part 8 (Performance of My Second Song)

Tuesday, February 9th, 2016

Picking up from last time –

So, when I go in the Monday I get back, to do my next assignment,  I go right back to the normal seat where I always sit Рin the front row, three chairs from the center.

I thought “I really need to get back on the freaking horse here! I’m gonna still sit in the very front and be attentive. I’m not gonna let BMI slip away because of one song.”

Alas, someone was in that seat.

People have been in that seat before, but up to this point, I try to do a little hair flip, over-dramatically putting my hands on my hips (like I’m in a children’s musical) and be like “but that’s my seat.” [*wink, wink*] [‘Hey, we’re doing this in a playful way…But for real, can I sit there?’] [*smile*]”

Usually we have a big laugh about it and the person scoots over and then we become buddies and everything is fine.

This time, the person did *not* find me cute or adorable or funny. They’re just like “yeah, I’m sitting here.”

Spoiler alert: The person who finds me 0% charming? …My composer for my 4th assignment.¬†Exciting, right? We’ll get there!

So I go to the back. That’s where I wanted to be anyway. I *wanted* to hide in the back. I was trying to force myself not to, but hey if the circumstances put me there, that’s where I’ll go!

My second assignment goes fine – not horrifically, but fine…ish

I did have a terrible cold – the floor of my apartment was *covered* in snotted up tissues – gross, right?

And there was at least one pretty high note in the song. And I cracked like never before – just oof. *hangs head in shame*

I still tried to sell the song, as much as I could with a giant cold. I sounded okay on other parts of it. But goodness, if I wanted to make a comeback as a performer, sick Aurora was not super much the way to do it.

In fact, if I remember correctly (though it’s possible this only happened in a BMI nightmare, not that day), but if I remember, I think the two people after me actually got complimented on their performances. And it’s like, “I get it! You didn’t like my performance. I am falling apart in here. Noted.”)

(I immediately deleted my recording after hearing that strained, cracked note from an almost-never-sick-so-how-and-why-in-the-world-was-I-sick person. Oof. I’m hoping there isn’t a recording of that floating around somewhere… though unfortunately, I bet you there is. Let’s not think about that for now.)

The point is, I wouldn’t call this one a win.

Also, my poor composer got some notes he probably wouldn’t have gotten had he had more time to perfect things…

I just didn’t understand the dynamic! I thought he’d write everything without me, and I’d just fill in words, because I’d only worked with one other person, and the dynamic started very much to lean that way that none of my opinions mattered, so I just thought that’s what would happen here. (Sorry, I know I’ve said that. I just – gah!) I knew nothing. Blah blah blah. Excuses.

The point is, I’m really sorry. And I told him that. A lot. Probably maybe even too much. Sigh. Again. So much sighing in these, right?

Yet again, I didn’t go out to the BMI bar. How could I when there’s no reason to show my face?

I was *determined* not to let the same thing happen in the third assignment (happy spoiler alert: it doesn’t) – which is where I’ll pick up next time.

I'd love to hear from you! So whaddya say?