Picking up from last time –
Over the next couple of weeks, I continued sitting in the back. I started to come late a lot. Sometimes this was a necessity of my job. Sometimes I just had such a hard time imagining going that it took me a little longer to kind of gear up.
My legs would get heavy as I’d walk there – it was like it hurt to go.
I kept thinking “there has to be a way for me to stop feeling this way.”
I will say at the break in the middle of class one time, there was a girl I was sort of lamenting with and she kind of had the attitude of “at least you have a chance to fail. I’m just an auditor.”
I hadn’t judged the auditors as “not being enough,” but after talking to some of the auditors, they seem to generally feel that way – which I understand. I would probably also be complaining about feeling that way if I were an auditor.
So, I thought, “Okay, we all have this thing kind of going on in our heads. Maybe I can indeed turn it around.” I really thought this was gonna be the redemption point in my story.
I got paired up with one of the most talented composers in the class – a superstar. In fact, I loved her first song so much that I’d begged her to send it to me so I could put it in my audition book. I couldn’t believe my luck!
I made a pretty dumb decision over Thanksgiving week. I had the whole week off from work. This would’ve been the perfect time to unpack and put a lot of work into writing. Instead, I left New York for a marathon and just didn’t come back basically until I had to be at work* (and I barely even did that ;)).
(*Note: By work, I meant my weekend job at Macy’s as an elf in Santaland. So, I had to be back two days earlier than I needed to for The Nightly Show.)
Anyway… I procrastinated a little – but not as much as I had before (’cause I knew I just couldn’t).
Although, this time something that was a little annoying was that every time I tried to watch “It’s A Wonderful Life” (for our next assignment) there was always some weird thing that happened with the internet in my hotel or bus or wherever. As though even the universe was like, “good luck!”
And this is where I’ll pick up next time.