As you may have generally gathered (especially from yesterday’s post – eesh), things haven’t necessarily been going fantastically since I’ve been in New York.
I’ve imploded in BMI. Work has been crazy in its own special various ways. I’ve been shockingly homesick sometimes. (I never ever thought I’d actually miss LA(?!?!?!))
I haven’t necessarily made a network of people out here. I’ve kind of been alienating myself from BMI people. I haven’t been putting a ton of time or effort into cultivating friendships because I’m “too busy” – or really, maybe, too concerned with myself, or maybe embarrassed or afraid, who knows that – but the point is, I haven’t been connecting with any BMI people.
I’m also having a hard time generally communicating with people in New York. This may be too much of a blanket statement? Just, from what I’ve experienced so far, it seems like a lot of people out here are often sarcastic, or dry, or kind of just literal, maybe. And sometimes when I’m trying to talk playfully or in a fun way, people don’t understand what I mean, or they mistake what I mean for something else.
So there are moments where it feels like I’m in a foreign country and I can’t speak the language. And that feels isolating sometimes…
A couple of weeks ago, I thought, “I cannot live like this anymore. I can’t just isolate myself and focus on things that are going wrong. I’m finally settled enough that I can actually plan things, and do things, and enjoy New York. My weekends are pretty much mine again… I’m gonna live!”
This past weekend, I re- met Cory Booker.
You can tell how much I really am apparently overwhelmed and whatever because there was even a moment of, “Man, I have to go uptown to do something this Sunday?” or even, “I have to be in New York? Maybe I should fly to LA this weekend…”
And it’s like, “Uh, yeah. Be in New York – the greatest city in the universe… the only place you’ve ever wanted to live, since you were in diapers(!). Go re-meet Cory Booker. Go listen to him speak! That’s one of probably your top 5 things to do ever in the universe. Why would you ever for a second think you don’t want to do this?”
So, I did go. And this is where I’ll pick up next time.)