So, as I mentioned yesterday, Friday was exceptionally tough for me – probably my toughest day in New York.
(And there were three pretty good contenders for worst day! :-P)
But I’m pretty sure this one takes the cake – and the worst part is, it came when I reeeeeally thought I was on the upswing. So, it hurts so unbelievably hard.
So, I called some of the members of basically Aurora’s council. 😛
I was talking to B about how I feel like I’ve cried more in New York than I have in the rest of my life combined. And I’m tired of being so emotional. I feel like it’s draining to me and it’s draining to the people around me. It’s not a good look on me. It sucks.
Then she pointed out, “Of course you’re crying more. The stakes have never been this high. You’re living where you always wanted to, working on a show you always wanted to, and you’re part of one of the most prestigious programs for musical theater writers in the country. When all this is happening, of course emotions are gonna be high.”
And that actually did make me feel much better to hear. Like, yeah, this is maybe a little normal(-ish) that I’m like this.
I know that *just* the other day, I was talking about wanting to get back to normal – and to get my foundation (and kind of pillars) in tact, and I wanted to be better to people, and all that jazz…
And then this happened.
…But the point of having a great foundation where you’re still a good person who keeps up her good habits and cares about others is not to wait to put it in place once your life is perfect…
The hard part is being able to do that in spite of life not being perfect. So, I meant what I said. I will continue to work and be better…
And through that, I am just bathing in the patience and love shown to me by B and my other friends. You have been so caring and wonderful. I want to work to not wear out that patience… To every person who has sent a kind word, or not escalated a situation when I was too on edge or my temper was too short… I just want to say thank you. It means more to me than I can say.