Picking up from yesterday –
3) I often (almost always) chat with my Uber drivers in Los Angeles. And every. single. time. any driver had mentioned wanting to go to New York, I’d say something along the lines of, “Go. Go as soon as you drop me off. Go, but be warned that you may fall head over heels in love and never come back.”
And this past trip, I was kinda like, “Eh, do it. Don’t. Live your life.” And that feels weird!
4) (Oh yes, I’m still going.) I was out somewhere in the past couple of weeks (I actually don’t even remember exactly where at this point – so much traveling…) and a stranger said, “I love New York!” And I smiled at her.
Usually, I would’ve piled on and said, “ME TOO! Isn’t it just the greatest city in the world!” But my gut reaction was “Ugh. I don’t.” And I only said that in my head. No reason to harsh her buzz – when objectively, New York is great! But I just didn’t feel that same loving spark…
5) Lastly, I used to sing…
On the way home from Nightly Show each night (especially on the late ones when not a ton of people were around all the way out on 10th avenue (where we taped)), I would quietly sing on the way home, “Have I mentioned today, how lucky I am… to be in love with you.”
Now, I realize, Last 5 Years enthusiasts, that that is a bitter-sweet lyric – not just a straightforward loving one… And the reason I felt it was appropriate was because when I was working my longest days as an assistant editor (trying to make it through), and struggling in BMI, I was terrified – terrified that NY was gonna be taken away from me. So, each night I wanted to love it as hard as Jaime loved Cathy in the beginning – even if there was a chance that we’d end up “breaking up.” (I know my analogy is starting to fall apart here.)
The point is, I’d take a deep breath in and sing of my love for New York and appreciate the days I had with it – no matter how many days I might get.
…And I didn’t do that for a long time – though I did do it after the end of the Nightly Show party… Because I was back in the same boat – absolutely loving that night, and wondering what in the world was gonna happen next…
And I have one more post about this tomorrow.