As we move on to the emotional abuse and gaslighting that happened in the months that followed, this is the part where I wondered how much of my story is “appropriate” to share?
I don’t want to go into aaaaaall the details of every little fight, because for one thing, I don’t want this to be the thing I blog about from here on out for the rest of my life.
For another, it’s like, where does it cross the line from being evidence of an abusive relationship to just petty relationship stuff?
Over the past years I’ve had this blog, it has been sooooo important to me not to talk about romantic relationships.
I would guess that if we went back through the archives, we wouldn’t hear a story about a “date,” or hear me refer to anyone as a “boyfriend,” or anything like that.
To me, there is something about relationships that elevates them to this high-ish form of privacy (at least in a public forum, even if I do talk about them with friends and such).
I just – relationships are hard… Sometimes people miscommunicate, or overreact, or honestly, kind of make a fool of themselves (me included! *raises hand so hard, it shoots through the roof*). I wouldn’t want to purposefully embarrass someone because of that silly human stuff (and I wouldn’t want someone to embarrass me)!
And I do totally understand that while sexual assault is not in the normal confines of a relationship, relationship-y type stuff surrounds this. So, it feels relationship-adjacent. And it feels weird to talk about this stuff.
Because, while I have to remind myself all the time that I am talking about a criminal act (sexual assault), and not a relationship – it sort of feels like I’m talking about a relationship, because there are some similar things about it…
And I also think if I open this door to talking about sex and relationships, I may mention passing things about guys I’ve been with before or since. And of course I will respect their privacy and keep everything anonymous… It’s just weird.
I never thought of this as a sex and/or relationships blog. And I don’t want it to be! And I don’t think it will be… But, I dunno. This is just yet another worry I have, and I’m just gonna try to carefully walk this weird tightrope… Guh!
So… here we go.