I want to be careful about what I say here. Because in the sentiment of Taylor Swift, I generally want BMI to not really be in this sexual assault narrative…
BMI did nothing wrong. I didn’t report it to them (for various reasons). They did not mishandle anything. And the perpetrator was not someone who was/is employed by them.
But the reason that even though I feel like I “don’t want them really super involved in this narrative” or whatever – that I’m still, nonetheless, talking about them, is because it is next to impossible to talk about the ways this whole sexual assault fiasco affected me without talking about BMI.
Also, if somehow you’re new to this blog and you don’t know about BMI, please enjoy me talking about it at length here. BMI was a humongous dream of mine.
I applied for 6 years in a row. You can patially tell how much I wanted it, because mentions of it are sprinkled around this blog in other posts (even from back in 2012). Even if you look at the various year in review photo albums I do on Facebook, in the years before getting into BMI, I always mentioned not getting in as my biggest failure/heartbreak of the year.
BMI meant the world to me.
And obviously, the person who assaulted me was someone involved in the program in some way.
I wish I could say in what way because that would make it so much easier to talk about (and to be fully understood). But both the classes and the community there are so small. Being too specific gets too close to giving away who it is.
Suffice it to say, it was someone I had to see a good deal. That could mean he was in my class, or in the librettist workshop (which met at the same time across a class wall, and also melded with us for months of the year), or maybe in advanced (which also meets on Monday), or maybe he was an alum (or a prospective student) who was a sibling or friend of someone in my class and came out with us a bunch, or maybe he was someone who sang a bunch for other people in advanced so was always around when my class was coming in, or maybe he falls into a category not even mentioned here. The point is, whoever he was, I saw him a lot. And a lot of the people I knew also knew him.
And I know in my posts, I’ve kind of danced around this whole like “I was kind of uncomfortable being there” blah blah blah. But I want to try to help at least some of that cloudy area come just a little bit better into focus (at least just a tiny bit, as best I can).
Obviously, there were things missing from the whole big BMI story – which also perhaps made that story seem a little confusing, as to why it all seemed so out of control with just the information presented. I don’t know. I don’t know what it’s like to see it from a completely outsider’s perspective, because I was living it…
I still can’t give the whole gigantic story. But I can give you at least a little bit of context, which I will do tomorrow.