I’m Just So Distracted (Feels Like I’ve Lost The Ability To Learn)

March 23, 2017

[This is from the series on sexual assault.]

The part that feels the worst is being so consistently distracted all the time.

It feels like I can’t do anything.

I can’t have a conversation. I can’t read a book. I can’t watch a show. I can’t dooooo anything. I can’t retain anything. Sometimes during half marathons, I try to listen to podcasts, and I find myself rewinding over and over and over and over, because I cannot concentrate to save my life.

It feels as though as I’ve lost the ability to learn.

I mean, kinda, a little bit, thank goodness I’m not in school right now, because I cannot seem to learn anything. I cannot retain.

I am just floating with my brain feeling like it’s malfunctioning, almost. What is happening to my neurons?! I know we used to joke on ‘math Tuesdays’ (in my real life, not on this blog) about how the neurons that fire together wire together. Are mine only firing about sexual assault? Because nothing else is becoming wired.

And while I think a million things are “the problem,” and while I’m struggling like crazy no matter what, I think a huge gigantic root of all of it is that I’m just so exceptionally distracted – which makes life feel even more isolating… And it just snowballs into more and more and giant-er and giant-er problems…

(Sorry I don’t have more on this. But I guess, of course I don’t, since I apparently don’t even know how to concentrate enough to write a fully-formed blog post.)

[This is from the series on sexual assault.]

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