[This is also a back post, but it was the *most* giant thing. So, I felt like I couldn’t just throw it away. So, I’m posting it now.]
The part that feels the worst is being so consistently distracted all the time.
It feels like I can’t do anything.
I can’t have a conversation. I can’t read a book. I can’t watch a show. I can’t do anything. I can’t retain anything. Sometimes during half marathons I try to listen to podcasts, and I find myself rewinding over and over and over and over, because I cannot concentrate to save my life.
It feels as though as I’ve lost the ability to learn.
I mean, kinda a little bit thank goodness I’m not in school right now, because I cannot seem to learn anything. I cannot retain.
I am just floating with my brain feeling like it’s malfunctioning, almost. What is happening to my neurons?! I know we used to joke on math Tuesday about how the neurons that fire together wire together. Are mine only firing about sexual assault? Because nothing else is becoming wired.
And while I think a million things are “the problem,” and while I’m struggling like crazy no matter what, I think a huge gigantic root of all of it is that I’m just so exceptionally distracted – which makes like feel even more isolating… And it just snowballs into more and more and giant-er and giant-er problems…