If you’re getting notified about this, FYI, this post is old.
Picking up from last time –
So, when I was going over pros/cons/possibilities in my head, why didn’t I focus on that one? On that “stay out of your small pool, and whoops, find the love of your life!” example.
Because I guess I wanted excuses. I like to say yes to life. And I wanted to say yes to trying things with this dude (who at the time I didn’t realize would become sexual assault guy).
He was charming, and he came on really strong. He seemed to reeeeeeeeeeeally (really) like me. And it just seemed so juvenile to think that two adults couldn’t go out, or have sex, or whatever, and not have it be a big deal – whether they ended up doing that one time or a million.
I mean, when I was in high school, I’d sworn off getting involved in any way with anybody from my school until the end of my junior year (after elections for theater president), because I couldn’t even chance that “drama” might get in the way. And I did think about that with this guy and BMI!
But I’m like “this isn’t the same… we’re not voting for people. And WE’RE NOT HIGH SCHOOLERS! Dude is in his mid-thirties. I know life resembles high school in many ways. But I really didn’t think I had to worry about “stepping into drama” or whatever.
So in conclusion, after this long post, why would I make the dumb mistake of getting involved with someone in one of the most important things of my entire life? I guess because I’m a moron?
But I also want it on record that usually saying yes to opportunities, and life, and possibilities is fun and good! And I don’t want the lesson of this to be never explore and try things again.
I also want it on record – even more on record – this is the most super important part.
I should have been able to be alone with him, to sleep with him without being assualted, without feeling so unsafe – no matter who he was. This shouldn’t have ever become the big untenable deal that it did.
Even if it was a complete asshole, he shouldn’t have assaulted me.
And I’ll talk a little more on that idea tomorrow.
[This is from the sexual assault series.]