If I Never Hear “Well, Boys Don’t Listen” Again For The Rest Of My Life, It Will Still Be Way Too Soon – Part 1

March 24, 2017

[Trigger warning: Sexual assault]

I can’t tell you how many times someone has heard my story of being sexually assaulted, and thankfully hasn’t been the type of person to say “well, women lie. It’s all a lie, and you’re a liar,” but instead has believed the truth – that everything I said happened happened.

They thought about me being underneath this man, crying (in large part because I hadn’t been listened to a lot, during my time with him (and I’d been put down and harmed and blah blah blah), and it was all bubbling over).

They thought about me crying as this man climbs on top of me. They thought of me saying out loud that he was making me uncomfortable, and I wanted him off of me. They pictured how after I told him that, he laughs at me, tells me that’s ridiculous, and grabs me tighter.

They think of me physically uncontrollably shaking, trembling with fear, saying out loud I’m not okay, begging out loud to go somewhere else where I feel more comfortable, and him yelling at me for wanting that, climbing on top of me anyway, putting himself inside me as I scream “I don’t know!” and looking me dead in the eyes, telling me, “it’s time.”

None of us argue that he didn’t hear me because he made it clear he did – when he told me I was wrong about my own comfortability, when he laughed at me…

We are all on the same page about what I am literally saying with words, sounds of discomfort and despair I made, body language (including many tears), emotional/visceral reactions, and facial expressions – all that.

They imagine all of this – a man willfully and aggressively ignoring what’s right in front of his face and continuing with a crying woman who refused to touch him back… and then they don’t agree that it was an awful or traumatic thing, or “officially” assault or something. They agree on all the details, but not necessarily the conclusion. They justify that it’s okay because, “Well, Aurora, you know how guys are. They just don’t listen.”

Can I tell you a little secret?

MEN ARE PERFECTLY CAPABLE OF LISTENING. THEY DO NOT HAVE SOME SORT OF BRAIN DEFECT THAT PREVENTS THEM FROM COMPREHENSION.

And this is where I’ll pick up tomorrow!

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