I Kinda Sorta Feel Like Maybe I Lost A Bit Of Innocence… (For Now… I’m Coming Back!)

February 27, 2017

That’s like sort of a silly thing to say, right? Since I’m a grown woman and all.

But… Like… Kinda a childlike grown woman, kinda, right? Like, in a fun way, sorta?

I just – I really believed what I said in yesterday’s post – that I’d never really think of an experience I had being involved with someone as a “nightmare.” And I lived a real, full, normal life with ups-and-downs. It’s not like I neeeever fought with a significant other.

I even thought I’d gotten through my “dramatic” experience when I had a man leave me (Very unexpectedly) for another woman. “See? I did it,” I told myself. I had a “drama-filled” thing, and I came out relatively unscathed, for the most part. (And while we’re not actively bffs chatting it up, we’re friendly and say hi once in a while, if congratulations or something are in order.)

[p.s. This doesn’t mean that I put a value judgment on people who are deeply deeply affected by stories similar to that one. I’m not trying to say I’m “better” in how I react, at all – I just was generally happy that things were falling in line with these dreams/goals I had for my own interpersonal relationships…]

And I’d always seen these silly “jokes,” I guess or whatever online where people would say things like,
“In my 20s – ‘I hope she’s cute!’
In my 30s – ‘I hope she doesn’t hurt me!'”

There are so many internet jokes revolving around people just stopping trusting or carrying around baggage in their 30s. And I always used to think “30’s not old! What? Why would life change so much? All of these people are so silly. I’m gonna be young forever!” I was so so sure I would never become this kind of less-trust-y, some baggage-y-hold-y person. But if it was gonna happen to me, it shouldn’t have happened years before I turned 30! That doesn’t seem fair.

I don’t believe the internet memes, but even if they’re true, at least give me my full 20s! Don’t make the curse happen on me early.

But. I do believe I will be able to life the curse. It’s been a rough go of it since last year, but I do think I’m getting better… I refuse to play into internet memes!

*runs around with face to the sun and heart open*

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