I had said so many times, “You are who you decide to be.” (I even said that when I spun the wheel on The Price is Right!”)
When I had like 45 seconds to say something to the world, that was what I said – you are who you decide to be.
And I beliiiiiiieved that wholeheartedly.
I also have said over and over and over that attitude is like 90% of life, or something like that. And I believed that too!
And I actually still kinda believe both of those things (I think?)…
And there are days where I think “I am what I decide to be! And I want to be a runner! I’ll go running.” But then I get a flashback as my mind wanders, and I stop and go cry or something.
I keep getting distracted. Or having flashbacks. Or being generally angry.
I am trying to keep living my normal life. I am trying to have a good attitude and be strong. But I falter… a LOT. A lot, a lot…
And in therapy, we work on grounding tools. And we work on processing… Heck, we work on a lot of stuff. Because I still believe in the ideas of attitude is so much, and you decide you are.
But I am struggling with those things in an actionable sense right now. And I sort of kind of wonder if perhaps I oversimplified those ideas… I mean, I think they are simple and true(?) ideas… I am just struggling with the execution of them for now… And… *sigh* I dunno. I don’t know that I have a super fully formed thought on this… I just… Life. It’s so confusing, and my brain is wondering about things in different ways now.
[This is from the sexual assault series.]