One of the many of bajillions of things that have been hard for me is that a few years before being assaulted, I lost a bunch of weight and I felt so good and was so proud. And some people like to tell you how most people who lose weight gain it back.
But I’d lost it healthily and slowly and changed my habits and my life. I thought I’d be good to go! Healthy me!
… And now I feel fat all over again. I didn’t gain all the weight back, but too much!
So, how did it happen?
I think it was a mix of a lot of things.
For one thing, I sort of just got all this anxiety… I used to walk nearly everywhere. But now, New York kind of felt unsafe and I just didn’t feel good in the city. So, I was ubering all the time, and also having stuff delivered to me all the time.
Also – and this is a giant one – I just could practically never sleep. I was awake all the time. But I still had to work. So, I’d eat all this sugar and crap just to try to somehow keep my eyes open. (And I’m sure a diet of crap and no movement didn’t help with my inability to sleep!)
I also felt so weird around people in general, that I stopped going to workout classes. I used to go to a few a day sometimes. And now I wasn’t going to any.
So, if you put all that together – taking away your workouts, your normal daily steps, and adding a bunch of sugar and crap – of course you’re gonna gain weight.
And it’s listed as one of the many potential side effects of what happens to you when you’re assaulted. So, it’s not shocking that it happened. But it’s really frustrating. And it’s something that’s just another brick of embarrassment in the Jenga set that is my life right now.