[yes, yes, yes, another back post. I’m plowing through as best as I can. Welcome back to June…]
I accidentally opened my ClassPass app today… Accidentally.
I used to live for that app! I was going so often, my classes were averaging out to to only 3 or 4 dollars a class, since I had the unlimited plan.
The most I ever took was 6 in a day. I thought about even starting a new blog just dedicated to reviewing workout classes all around Los Angeles.
I was always trying new stuff in new neighborhoods, and loving every bit of it.
ClassPass was a total obsession of mine.
I loved it! I almost always had workout clothes with me, and if I ended up in a new part of the city and had some downtime, the first thing I’d do is open that app and see what was around.
Anyway, okay. You get it. I get it. I adored ClassPass.
And today, I opened it *on accident*. I was trying to open some other app as I sit at home alone on my butt and when I accidentally touched the ClassPass app, it was so jarring. It was like “whoa. This used to be a giant part of my life. And now I sit at home all the time.”
And that’s so true about every thing… Like… My piano and piano bench is practically a storage unit at this point.
Like, I don’t work out, I don’t play instruments for fun. I haven’t been to a volunteer activity in *months*. The one thing I actually am still kind of doing (running all those races for Project 882) still doesn’t feel the same, and is a struggle to do. And they’re definitely not as fast, as fun, as easy, as anything as they were before…
I have been so desperately trying so hard to hold on to any little bits and pieces of my life that I can. But I am barely making it through. And as much as I like to believe or pretend or something that I’m keeping to together and that things are kind of normal, one day I *accidenally(!) open the freaking app that used to be attached to my fingers and I realize how much has changed.
I’m not even wearing the clothes I used to wear! I’m walking around in giant sweatshirts and sweatpants. (“Sad clothes,” if we were on a sitcom, but also apparently in my real life.)
Just all of it – all of it has changed. I tried not to make it change. But it did. It all slipped away piece by piece, and as I tried to catch one, I guess more kept getting away. And I just couldn’t hold on to everything.
(I feel like I end a lot of posts with sign, but I don’t know what else to say. I never had some magical grand conclusion sentence, and I always just sigh and close my eyes… so I just write that…)