I just wanted to share really fast as an addendum to yesterday’s post –
Sometimes when women talk about how they hate how they’re approached, etc., some men will come back with, “but I’ll never meet a woman if I can’t ever talk to a woman!”
And, yeah, that’s probably technically true. If you could literally *never* talk to a woman, I guess you could never meet one. But I don’t think anyone is ever trying to say you’re banned from talking to all women always and forever.
Some women seem to go by the idea that they don’t like to be hit on by anybody in any way if they’re in a place that’s not the usual spot for that (the subway, the street, etc.).
Whereas, I personally (for me – and obviously I can only talk for me, not for other women), think it’s situation dependent. If a woman has headphones on and is not giving the vine she wants to be contacted, maybe just leave her alone? Whereas, I am almost always open to people talking to me – as long as they’re respectful.
‘Cause I think people do get confused sometimes, since I meet so many people randomly on the street or in different places, and I seem to love it, why do I get so mad at these aggressive men? And it’s because they’re being aggressive and kind of threatening and definitely annoying.
There is a 99.99999% chance I do not want to interact with you if you’re walking down the street and start with “Dayum, girl.”
No. Get away from me.
I’m way more likely to strike up a conversation with someone who’s just friendly – full-stop. Who strikes up a conversation because, well, I dunno. Because it just happens, I suppose.
And sometimes people don’t want to merely be friendly. They do want to hit on you and make that clear. Again, I can’t speak for all women. I’m sure at least some (if not more than some) people feel differently than me about this. But I have never gotten in the face of a man who has respectfully come up to – not uncomfortably from behind breathing on my neck and whispering in my ear, not encroaching way too close to my personal space – but who comes up to me just like normal and keeps a normal distance and says something like, “excuse me. I’m sorry to bother you. I just wanted to tell you, you look very beautiful.” And then if I engage, and they ask if they can take me out and I still say no (even if they’ve been perfectly nice) for any number of reasons and they then politely leave me alone with a nice “okay, have a nice day” or whatever, and then walk away from me – I’ve never gotten mad about that.
When I’m telling stories like this and saying don’t harass women – I mean that. Don’t harass them. Don’t yell at them. Don’t talk about a stranger’s body. Don’t judge what they’re doing or eating. Don’t act like we’re in a zoo, and you’re there to gawk at us as we go along our normal lives. That’s the kind of stuff I’m talking about. I’m not personally saying you’re never allowed to engage me as an equal human being.
…And I hope that distinction make sense….