…Because I Am Told To Accept All This (Why Did You Stay With Him?)

July 1, 2017

[I’m sorry ’cause I think I maybe said I was done doing posts about this thing specifically, but i have a back post I’m doing right now…]

Sometimes people ask me some version of, “Why on earth would you go back to him? Why would you try to make it work?!”

And I have multiple posts trying to address this question from different views, partially not just to help answer it for other people, but to help answer it for me too, because it is a confusing thing.

But do you know what else is a confusing thing? When people out of one side of their mouth say, “How could you go back to him ever?! If it were me, I’d be outta there so fast. I would’ve gone to the police. I would’ve done this. I would’ve done that.” They have all the answers about how they have zero tolerance for being mistreated…

But then they’ll also make every excuse in the book for men who cross the line. “Weeeeeell, you know how men are. They don’t listen.” Or any of the other bunches of excuses we like to give men.

[And I understand how people maybe don’t think to look at those thoughts side-by-side, but when you do, they seem a lil’ weird to me.]

And so, it’s like, “Why did I stay? Why did I think it was forgivable? Why did I assume maybe I was in the wrong, and he’s just some innocent man who’s somehow truly incapable of fully understanding consent or something, and that I should feel bad if I want anything that even mildly inconveniences his life because of this? [Why a million things?]”

And there are plenty of reasons I’ve addressed.

But to me, one of the biggest reasons is because I’m (and many other women are) told in various messaging over and over again, how okay and how excusable all these really inexcusable acts are.

So, it just feels very confusing (and like very mixed messaging) to hear how all these bad things are totally excusable for [“reasons”], but also, how can you possible forgive something so heinous? Like, is it heinous or is it not?

I dunno. Just a thought I had today… Thank, as always for reading 🙂

I'd love to hear from you! So whaddya say?