Why The Big Sick Meant So Much To Me, Specifically

Sunday, July 9th, 2017

[This was meant to go in with my posts about The Big Sick. Sorry we’re only just now getting to it. We all know, we know. I’m behind. I know!]

So, obviously, The Big Sick resonates with me just as someone who’s been sick, and also someone who’s been hanging out around the comedy scene in big cities.

There was a lot I connected with when it came to being sick. And also, it felt like we were watching some of my friends on screen when we saw comics in a club. The movie is exceptionally relatable to my life.

But, the part that meant the most to me – why it feels almost like a religious experience (my goodness)… is that as you may have read (if you’ve been reading all about my sexual assault experience) is that almost right after moving to New York, I just had this man continually explain to me “what relationships were,” “what dating is.”

There was no wiggle room. There was no fun. He was sucking out all of the things that are usually exciting and joyous and fun to me. We couldn’t go on a timetable that made me comfortable… There were all these very strict “rules” as to “this is what dating is.”

It didn’t really resemble much of what I knew of relationships, but I wasn’t from here. Maybe it’s different in New York! (It is, generally, but it’s not abusive – like he was making it.)

As we all know [spoiler alert], I ended up being sexually assaulted. And everything just came crashing down. My spiral was pretty dark. And for a fairly long-ish time, I couldn’t even watch movies or TV shows. I just couldn’t see characters touching. I couldn’t even see anything that had to do with sex (or relationships) because it would be so physically painful to watch after my assault(s) by him.

AS you know, I’ve been working my butt off (sometimes successfully, sometimes not) to try, try, try to get past all that. And it’s like the clouds are finally starting to part.

I could hardly believe I was able to go watch an entire rom-com and *enjoy* it – to not be distracted or have flashbacks. And to see – oh yes! *This* is what I know dating to be. This movie is exactly what I know dating to me.

This is funky, and sweet, and interesting, and funny, and kind, and equal, and lovely.

And the best part is, I know I’m not alone. I’m obviously not the only person in the world who knows this to be what dating is, because the two people who wrote this wrote their experience. And people are relating to it. (And even her leaving his apartment (and him not freaking out or yelling at her or mansplaining how dating works – no, him just being a human and letting her do what she’s comfortable with) after the first time they sleep together in written in the trailer! That’s how normal it is! They put it in the trailer.) (After being gaslit for a while, it is refreshing and wonderful to see reality! Hello there, reality!)

And it was just really, really so very nice to see.

 

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