A Quick Reflection Of BMI Before I Start

September 16, 2017

[aaaagh! I am trying to get control of the blog. I keep saying I will, but we’ll see! Anyway, I started drafting this while I was in Philadelphia over the weekend, and I’m posting it now. But pretend I posted it this weekend. Thanks!]

I’ve spent a lot (a lot) of time being sad about BMI over the last two years. I’ve spent some time lamenting it. It just felt like how could something so wonderful become something so terrible?

It has been both one of the very best and one of the very worst experiences of my life. (One of the best in the world when my high school theater teacher came to New York to my audition! And obviously one of the worst when I was sexually assaulted and felt pretty pushed out of my dream school.)

But as I reflect on things before I go back on Monday, the one thing I go back to is how it felt on the first day before I even made it to class. Favorite dress. Favorite smoothie. Favorite city. Huge accomplishment. Taking it all in. I pulled it from my blog archive to read again:

I take the train in to midtown, and once I get to Penn Station, I grab a Planet Smoothie (one of my favorite things in this world).

As I walk down the street, I leave my dad a voicemail telling him how happy I am in the moment. I talk about how I’m in my favorite pink dress, drinking my absolute favorite treat, walking to the BMI Musical Theatre Workshop (that I’ve been trying to get into for 6 years!).

This moment is like a fairy tale.

And no matter what happens from here – with the competition and stress and hard-ness of the program… in this moment, it’s the dream. And as sort of lame as it sounds, I just want to soak it all in as I walk down the street in the greatest city in the world.

And that’s what I did on the whole beautiful trip down to BMI.

– – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – –

Anyway, so, that was the joy from two years ago. And I just thought I’d live in that for a moment, before I go back.

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