Now that I feel sort of on the other side-ish, I guess I just wanted to take a second to reflect like… that was awful.
I don’t know how I didn’t get fired from my job on a show at TruTv. I mean, oof!
I could barely make it to work many days. I had a pretty flexible schedule, which was great and also awful. If I needed to cry for 2 hours in the morning, it didn’t affect much… And maybe I needed that? But I’d also just start hanging in my office forever.
It was almost like I started to live there. I’m always a little messy. But for the first time in my professional life, I got a talking to about the state of my office. And I deserved it. It looked like a frat house in there.
I just never felt the strength to clean it, basically. I was just so sad and barely functional. I’m almost amazed a cut of mine ever got out the door or that I somehow survived all the way to the end of the show. Thank goodness, because that would’ve been embarrassing, devastating, and generally all-around awful to have gotten fired from there.
Man, I just remember not sleeping. That was awful. I was so tired all the time.
I don’t even really know what words to use or how to fully explain how I barely functioned in this world. But goodness was it terrible. And somehow having survived it and actually be able to handle some things now (it seems) is really nice. It’s nice to be back on track of functioning like a human.
I was gonna add a few more things to this post, but I think I’ll make them their own breakout posts starting tomorrow.