And it doesn’t all have to be about me.
And it doesn’t all have to be about him.
(Wild concept, huh? That the whole world doesn’t revolve around me and also, not every single thing for the rest of my life has to be about sexual assault guy.)
[I’m not actually 100% super sure I know what I’m trying to say in this post. So, if it’s not making sense, or meandering too much for you, check out part 2 tomorrow! :-)]
One of the things I’ve talked about kind of a lot here is how he’s not “just some asshole,” and this wasn’t just like, “normal dating pains.”
I don’t reeeeeeally like to talk about dating and those types of relationships all that much in general, in life – especially publicly (aside from all this crazy business, eesh! …But I mean, check out anything on my blog from when it started to January of 2016, before I was assaulted… I don’t know that you’ll find anything on dating, and if you do, I bet it’s very, very little over 4 years).
Anyway. Whether it’s my favorite subject, it still comes up sometimes organically. There are still twitter threads and stuff that are supposed to be funny, in which you talk about your most disastrous dating experience. Or, you know, sometimes you’re just having a conversation with someone and dating (or things in that vein) comes up.
And I have now become afraid/annoyed/a-something like, “Oh, well I can’t tell a ‘funny’ story. Or, I can’t ever talk about a time where a guy was a little aloof or ‘didn’t listen’ or was sort of ‘manspain-y’ or whatever, because somehow it will undercut what happened to me.”
But nuance exists. (And, just, side note, to me, it’s really not even that nuanced a difference between “somebody kinda zoned out, or forgot my birthday, or whatever vs someone who refused to get off me as I cried and cried underneath them, while telling them how uncomfortable they were making me.)
Anyway, back to the more breezy paragraph I was trying to do – “nuance” exists. And romance/dating is weird. I’m be allowed to say that my “worst date story” is a time when [my pants ripped down the back. (That didn’t actually happen, but I can’t actually think of a super good one)… But anyway…]
I could say something silly and dumb because when people ask those things at game nights or comedy nights or whatever, it’s not a court of law where you’re under oath to give a very specific and literal answer of your “worst.”
They’re asking for just a funny story. I don’t have to be like, “oh, the time the dude was exceptionally controlling, and manipulative, and then raped me, and then literally laughed in my face when I talked to him about it later.”
That’s not a funny game night story. That’s for therapy (or a serious night, or a conversation with a good friend, or a panel about assault, etc…).
I mean, maybe if you’re a specific type of amazing super smart comedian who can spin that into jokes, good on you! I guess it could be for a silly night (since anything can be!), but it doesn’t have to be.
(And I definitely have yet to figure out how to mine a ton jokes and hilarity from it… I wish I’d found that angle on it. I have’t yet. I might not ever. It might become less painful for me, but I don’t know that it will ever become “funny,” or some kind of “hilarious story.”
I’m not sure I’ll be able to find lots of pockets of humor in it… Some of my comedian friends have told hilarious jokes when we have talked about it… So, the humor is indeed in there somewhere. But it might not be intrinsically in there for me… Anyway…)
Also, I feel like there are some things I used to laugh about that started to seem a little unfunny to me over the past year and half or two years or so.
And this is what I’ll pick up with tomorrow.