The Definition Of Everything Doesn’t Have To Change.
And it doesn’t all have to be about me.
And it doesn’t all have to be about him.
(Wild concept, huh? That the whole world doesn’t revolve around me, and also, not every single thing for the rest of my life has to be about sexual assault guy.)
One of the things I’ve talked about kind of a lot here is how he’s not “just some asshole,” and this wasn’t just like, “normal dating pains.”
[Also, like most posts on this subject, I have only a very light grasp on what I’m trying to say. So, if I’m meandering too much, or not making sense. Feel free to just skip to tomorrow! :-)]
As you can probably tell from the 4 or so years of my blog before sexual assault guy, dating has not been my favorite subject to talk about, even semi-publicly… Just feels kinda private, and I dunno. It’s just not my thing to talk about… Usually. But. Whether or not dating is my favorite public subject, it still comes up sometimes organically… There are still twitter threads and stuff that are supposed to be funny, in which, for example, someone might ask about your most disastrous dating experience (and people chime in). Or, you know, sometimes you’re just having a conversation with someone (or a group of people), and dating (or things in that vein) comes up.
And I have now become afraid/annoyed/a-something like, “Oh, well I can’t tell a ‘funny’ story anymore. Or, I can’t ever talk about a time where a guy was a little aloof or ‘didn’t listen’ or was sort of ‘manspain-y’ or whatever, because somehow it will undercut what happened to me.”
…Because so many people have wanted to throw sexual assault guy in with this whole idea that “well, guys don’t listen. That’s just kinda how it is is.” So, if I tell a story of a guy who doesn’t listen, am I just making their case that guys don’t listen?
But nuance exists. (And, just, side note, to me, it’s really not even that nuanced of a difference between “somebody kinda zoned out, or forgot my birthday, or whatever, vs someone who doesn’t hear you when you say no over and over as they push you down (etc. etc., we don’t need to get into it all here).
And we’ll pickup here tomorrow.