And for me, it’s all basically taken a little longer than I expected/wanted it to take…
This is something I’ve been wanting to talk about for sort of a while now. When I was first dealing with being assaulted, I had a few different people tall me about women they knew who went through the same thing, and the general consensus was, “Oh, it takes about a year.”
“Yeah, I had a friend who seemed to sort of fall off the face of the planet. And then a year later, poof. Just there she was again. She took a year away from everybody and everything, and then she was as good as new.”
That was kind of a general thread I heard more than once – that everybody takes a year.
And when my year anniversary came and went, and I wasn’t magically better, I was stressed about it. “It’s supposed to take a year. It’s been a year. Why isn’t my healing over?”
And then, about a year after I started therapy, I had a giant bump, and was able to return to general normalcy. And my therapist said, for her, she’s found it usually takes about a year for people once they start therapy.
But even that doesn’t work for everyone. For some people, it takes two years. For some, even longer.
I kept having these sort of arbitrary goals. “I’ll be done blogging so extensively about this a year from when I started blogging extensively about this.” But then I saw people marking the 1-year anniversary of the Access Hollywood tape, and that was what spurred me to really start talking about all of this publicly. And I wasn’t done talking about all of this.
I kept thinking this random date or that random date is when this or that random thing will happen. And the thing is, for the most part, everything has kind of just happened when it happened.
And I think that’s okay. (Or at least, it kind of has to be, because that’s how it’s been/how it is.)
Milestones may not have come right when I wanted them, but they came. And I think they still will. (The biggest example that comes to mind is that I still don’t take the subway alone. That will probably change someday. Maybe not. So, there are milestones to happen, but plenty already have.)
I cried in my office for longer than I hoped. But I don’t do that anymore.
I cried during sex for longer than I hoped (or that seemed super reasonable to me), but I don’t do that anymore.
And on and on and on.
I believe if you keep working at the things that are really important to you, and you show yourself some patience, your milestones will come (or at least that’s what I like to think)… It just kind of takes as long as it takes.