Aurora's Blog

Okay, you’ve gotta imagine this is publishing in January 2021, as, as you well know, I’m continuing to catch up.

I started this pandemic super bright-eyed. Wanted to keep a good attitude, and make new (hopefully good) memories.

I stayed really disciplined for the first 6 months or so. Was really productive. Kept up with friends. Did virtual volunteering. Went back to school. Worked a lot (including odd jobs like having other people commission me to write songs).

I’ve generally always kept faith that things were gonna be okay. (And I recognize that’s a very privileged take.)

I’ve seen people this whole time, doing what I assume is some version of a semi-exaggerated ‘character’, mixed with themselves. Where it’s kind of like “Oh, buddy boy, look how bad things are.”

For a while, I was super against playing into that character at all. Because I don’t see how it’s fun if everyone is doing the same thing.

For some people, it makes them feel part of a group. But to me, it’s not fun. And it’s not usually fun to joke in a negative manner. I can understand it as a coping skill. But especially since (again, privileged), so much as gone so well for me throughout the pandemic, I haven’t wanted to even ‘joke’ in a negative way, because I don’t want that persona to seep into how I actually feel.

[I’ve always heard our brains can’t tell the difference between jokes and the truth, and if we say something too much – even as a joke – it becomes too ingrained in us. I don’t know if that’s true, but I could believe it!]

So, it just had never felt like ‘me’ to do those negative persona jokes.

And yet…

I dunno, there are parts of this pandemic that have been hard for me. And I’m starting to let that negative persona seep through.

And the videos that let the negative persona slip through get a little more attention, so that gives me a weird pause of like ‘uh, what does that mean?’ And sure, I want views, but I don’t want to play into it.

Anyway, I don’t want to let the pandemic ‘get’ me – not just in the literal way of getting the disease, but sort of getting this negativity disease as well. I dunno. Maybe I’m already infected. But anyway, enjoy 2 TikToks I made in the last couple months that are shining examples of what I’m talking about.

Picking up from last time –

September – Broke my first bone! This was so wild. And kind of stupid. I broke my foot by having a chair missing a screw, sitting in it wrong, and falling in a bad way. So, this certainly wasn’t a ‘good’ thing, but it probably was the biggest thing that happened in September. I got to wear a cast for the first time, and have way too many doctor’s appointments. And somehow I survived all those visits to medical places without getting Covid!

October – Taught music & dance lessons online.
I don’t remember exactly what month I started this, but I had a pretty full slate of students in October. It’s wild to think of myself in that light, as a teacher, ’cause you know, my teachers are my *spotlight/angels sound* teachers. But I’m like… just a young little student or whatever. But no, now I have tiny students, and I’m the teacher.  It’s exciting to share the wonders of music and dance with people!

November – Worked on a documentary by LeBron James’ company. The people were very cool. The doc was very cool. This was lovely. 

December – Accepted to Berklee grad school! So, in the fall, I’ll be starting my Master of Arts in Creative Technology & Media, specializing in Writing for Musical Theatre. Man, I’m really starting to sound like a grown-up in some ways, aren’t I?

Overview: It was a crazy year, as we all know. I try not to talk about the pandemic toooooo crazy much on here because… it’s everywhere. It’s suffocating.

I get it. It’s what happening. We can’t get away from it. But there’s like no escape. Most TV shows are set in the pandemic, and again, I get it. People think they have to address it. But it’s suffocating. And when (if) we ever look back on these years, I hope it’s not just pandemic, pandemic all the time in my writing and everything. That being said, for a year in which nearly 3/4 of it was spent not really being able to go many places or do many things (physically in person, at least)… a fair amount got done.

Moving forward in school, having some interesting professional experiences, another game show RIGHT under the wire (the last day most people went to work before the pandemic took over), some novel things (to some extent going back to full-time undergrad was novel, breaking a bone was novel experience.

Considering the circumstances, I think it was quite a reasonably all right year [overall]!

Picking up from yesterday –

May – Went back to college after SO MUCH time off. I have a bit of a love/hate relationship with college, ’cause it’s kind of like ‘do I really need it? So many people work successfully in this industry without school’. And it’s true that they do. So, I guess I don’t need it.

But it was cool to find a way when we were in the deepest depths of the pandemic to somehow feel like I was doing something or bettering myself in some way. Obviously you couldn’t go out and do much, so I’m glad I was able to find something at least seemingly somewhat worthwhile while we have to play indoors.

Also, I had some great professors and great tutors. So, yeah, went back to school!

May was also a month of a ton of Black Lives Matter protests. And I shouldn’t say I’m particularly ‘proud’ of doing them, since they’re kind of the least I could do as a white person. But I got pretty involved and went to a number of them. And in some ways, it is good to do the things you should do. And it did give me a sense of… maybe not pride, per se. But at least happiness!

June – Played harp for the first time! It was my new birthday thing. I met a cool harp teacher who was brilliant about music theory. I really enjoyed the experiences.

July – Episodes of the first cartoon I ever worked on started airing! I’d been working on a show called “Your Daily Horoscope” for Quibi. Of course, Quibi is no more, and neither is the show. But it was cool to be able to say I’d worked on a cartoon!

August – Started worked on The Carlos Watson Show. This was dope. There were things that were semi-crazy about this. Sometimes the hours would be super long. But! Usually, when they were, it was my own doing, because I was trying to go above and beyond with producing responsibilities as well. (And who cares how long the hours are, when you can’t go anywhere?) But I loved the shows we made and a lot of the people I worked with! I was super happy to find this job, and I’m really proud of the episodes I made!

This was a weird year, because simultaneously nothing and somehow lots of things happened?

So, let’s get into it.

January – Attend the Producers Guild Awards as a guest of Nancy Meyers where I got to see a package all about her life and career that we edited together! It was so wild and cool to work with her!

February – First ballet lesson in pointe shoes! It went SO well.  Jenny was super impressed. She had planned on not doing much of the lesson in pointe shoes, and we ended up doing the majority of it in pointe! Yay for strong feet!

I also got to play a test contestant for a game show that was being pitched! So, I went to Fox and Netflix with the company to play a fake game which was very, very fun. Still haven’t seen this game show on air in the US. I was sure they were gonna sell it. But I’m wondering if they did!

Another random fun February thing is I campaigned for Elizabeth Warren. Basically everyone I wanted was out of the race at that time. So, it’s not like I was campaigning for her over Cory Booker or Kamala Harris. But I genuinely did like Warren, and I felt she was the best of the people remaining. So, I was really happy to campaign for her.

March – Taped my episode of Wheel of Fortune. Not sure if this is actually a good or bad thing haha. But… the year in review doesn’t always have to be completely good, either way.

April – Volunteered with senior citizens, calling and checking in on them (from a list, not just calling random senior citizens in the world; I got a list), to make sure they had reliable access to food during the pandemic. It was nice to do something helpful, and to try to keep busy as the world shut down.

And I’ll pick up here tomorrow!

Picking up from last time –

November – Passed advanced improv at The Groundlings!!! [This was a big, exciting milestone for me – yay!] I’d wanted it so very long, taken a gajillion classes. I had a great show I was proud of. Woot-woot!

December – Began my next 52 in 52 project – 52 ‘interviews’ in 52 weeks! (This ultimately morphed into a different thing, but it was nice to begin another project and try to connect more, and meet my friend’s cuuuuuuuute baby!

So, yeah, I definitely thought 2019 was the year I ‘felt like me’ again [although, ironically(?), I think I lost a lot of that in 2020. So, it’s weird to be looking at a year in review a year late.

I did a lot of creative endeavors and was very happy about that – that sort of seemed like a through-line throughout the year – from festivals, to passing BMI, to the Groundlings, to a full-length musical, creative endeavors probably kind of ruled this year. And maybe that’s partially why I felt more like me – a loop of me feeling good makes me more creative, and being more creative makes me feel good. [Maybe… Sometimes creativity is a coping skill haha, so you really just never know if it’s good or bad. haha!]

Then outside of that, ‘living’ in Mexico (I don’t know if you can count a few months) was really dope.

I obviously don’t include everything in years-in-reviews, just some of the highlights… For instance, a thing I skipped over, is I was audited for a previous tax year this year! So, that was a lot of paperwork. But! They accepted all my receipts, and I didn’t have to pay anything else. So, that was cool. It was just time-consuming, not bad.

So, yeah, there were weird things, good things, bad things [like there probably are every year]. But overall, I’d say it was a good year with general forward movement/hope/happiness! And now we go on to another year!

Picking up from last time –

June – OMG We freaking did it. MADE IT into the ADVANCED BMI Workshop. This was many years in the making – a huge gigantic goal – and it really happened. Goodness gracious! What a dream!

Also, I went freaking bungee jumping (What?!) Alex and I had the best time!

July – Ran the San Francisco half marathon! I used to do this race every single year. Then some crazy life stuff got wonky, and I got away from it for a bit. But, one of my birthday goals this year was to get back into my old habits – including my yearly running of this race, and here I am!

August – tried out to perform for the Clippers [I tried out for two different opportunities – one earlier in the summer, and one in August. I didn’t make either hahaha]. But I love that I started auditioning again/putting myself out there! Dance, dance, dance!

September – Kept getting more and more serious about dance. At the ballet bar multiple times a week. Even took a workshop with the Sparks halftime dancers, and all that good stuff! Professional cheerleading, here I come!
Oh, and I filled in for a hot second at Will Smith’s company, which was very cool!

October – Put on a little reading of my full-length musical in Los Angeles (thanks to an amazing group of people who helped me out!) I had an amazing time! It was so sweet to see my friends come support me (both the people who were in it, and the watchers).
One thing that was very cool was that people talked about it for hours afterward – which was exactly what I wanted. Something thought provoking enough to get people talking, talking!

And this is where we’ll finish up tomorrow!

All right, well, here we go again. Trying to wrap up another year, as we catch up. So, let’s give it a go!

January – Had my work performed in New York city for the first time, doing a mini-musical on domestic violence in a festival! That show was in 3 little festivals that year… But we’ll get there in a sec.

February – Went hiking a lot, and saw a lot of friends. After just having been in a bad place for so long, and having been out of LA for much of that [though I was still partially in New York at this point], I felt good enough to allow my world to kind of open up again. And it was so great to start to see my friends again.

March – continued working around the mini-musical circuit – even getting nominated for ‘best actress’ in one of them! It’s always cool when I see stuff moving forward in my creative endeavors, instead of just sort of my personal ones.

April – Passed the first parts of my scuba exam! I went to Mexico (again, we’ll get to that haha). Before I went, I passed my written exam and swim test (after cramming a bunch!). So, I was all set up for diving in Mexico!

May – I lived and worked in Mexico! (I got there in April, and didn’t leave ’til June. But we have plenty to talk about in June, so let’s put Mexico here! It was very cool. Paid for (yippee!). Got my advanced scuba certification, dove with bull sharks, swam with whale sharks, went ziplining, took a cooking class, hiked everywhere, camped at a gorgeous, serene national park/island. What an adventure!

And this is where I’ll pick up tomorrow!

Picking up from last time!

November – The midterms, baby! Just trying to get word out, get people to vote, get some democrats elected. Obviously, I voted as well. I went canvassing for Aftab Pureval, and he actually stopped in while I was there. So, that was super cool!

December – I got to experience the ball drop in* Times Square for the first time. [*I was really very directly outside of Times Square for most of it.] But I got to dance with the huge crowds, and have the confetti rain down on me and everything. It was fantastic.
And then… I’m preeeeeeeetty certain this was a year I worked as an elf at Macy’s. [Again, the years sort of run together. So, I’m doing the best I can! haha. But I think I went back to Macy’s this year, and it was cool because I was grandfathered in to using my elf name ‘Vixen,’ as they’ve disallowed reindeer names for anyone new – but not me, an old timer from back in the day (when I was in college)!

So, yeah, that basically wraps up the year. It was a transitional-ish year, just kind of exploring new (or sometimes old, in new ways) things – trying to expand athletic stuff [though I still don’t super know how to ride a bike], trying to move forward on improv/performing stuff, working to get in the pool of another game show, getting more involved in politics [necessary in 2018], trying to be successful at BMI, as it was so now or never this time around.

You know just… I dunno, making it through, maybe trying to be a ‘rebuilding’ year of sorts.

We’ll move on to 2019 tomorrow!

Picking up from yesterday –

July – This was a month of improv!

I passed 201 at UCB.

As I think I’ve said on here before, UCB just kind of just a silly-goof time. We had a show and everything.

The Groundlings is a LITTLE stressful, but always incredibly fun! We did our 5-through-the-door.

I loved stretching my brain through July!

August – Got my audition letter for Wheel of Fortune! While my time on Wheel may have ultimately been not exactly what i wanted, and perhaps a little embarrassing, if we think back to real-time, it was really exciting to get the letter!
Also, I think this may have been when Ben and I finally landed on The Good Place for our year 2 assignment. So, that was cool/fun.

September – Started year 2 of BMI! This was really fun. Much of year 1 was me repeating. But year 2, this is was all brand new! How exciting!

I also auditioned for Wheel, and that went like gangbusters!

And I went to DC and protested Brett Kavanaugh’s appointment… which leads us into –

October – Kept on protesting, and ultimately got to go watch Senators talk on the Capitol floor at 1 o’clock in the morning. I got to go with a good friend of mine, which made it all the better – even though the circumstances were not particularly awesome.

And this is where I’ll pick up tomorrow!

Picking up from yesterday –

April – I got actually real-life paid to write a song.

[Side note: To be real, I’m not 100% sure it definitely happened in this month. I think I blocked out a lot of 2018, if we’re being super honest up in here. But as I was trying to go back and somehow piece things together as much as I could, as I continue to try to post everything we missed… and I was just kind of looking through photos and emails and whatever I could find, I did have an email from April of the Cabaret. So… whatever month is actually happened, I sure did get the email in April! haha]

So anyway, yeah, one of my friends I met in BMI had a friend who was putting on a little cabaret thing of his own and wanted us to write him a personal original song. And we did it! For moneeeeeey. Like a real professional. So, basically I’m a pro now ;).

May – Became a FULL member of the television academy. That’s right! I had just been an associate member up to this point. But now, I have the ability to but tickets every year. And I get to VOTE! Full voting member, baby!
But yeah, basically, the threshold you have to cross to become a full member is higher than associate – you have to have have been working in the industry fo more years, and have more credits to your name and all that… And I did it!

June – Presented my 10-minute musical at BMI! I got to write it by myself, which was very cool. It was about something I was a little afraid to write about, but it went over SO well that I was so very proud/ecstatic/all that! [I wrote a fairly long multi-part series that you can read about here, if you want.]

And this is where I’ll pick up tomorrow!

Since we missed so many years in review, I thought we’d try to get back to them now!

Every year, I say I should figure out a way to do the years in review that isn’t by month. And every year, I just do them by month anyway haha.

So, let’s do it!

January – Finished project 882. It was real rough haha. I was just craaaaaawling toward the finish line (not quite literally, but almost). I definitely wished this had ended more excitedly. But I was running low on health and money and everything needed to end this with a bang. But hopefully there are more athletic charity projects in the future. And at least the project was finished!

February – Won a bicycle in a raffle! This was really cool. I’d gone back mainly to Los Angeles instead of New York. And I wanted to kind of jump back into LA life. (Plus, I’d just finished my most recent project, so I wanted to jump into whatever’s next!) So, I went around looking for things. And I was looking into doing the AIDSLifeCycle ride – which I’ve always said I wanted to do(!) – I went to an info event. Entered the raffle on a whim. And won the bike!!! I have a bicycle!

March – Did some cool volunteery things this month. I volunteered at the LA science fair (with one of my favorite people on earth, my high school theater teacher).
(And I guess another one is I volunteered with HeadCount, getting people registered to vote, at the anti-gun march (March for Our Lives).

And I’m gonna go ahead and pick up here tomorrow!

[Obviously this is a very old 2 year old post, as I still TRY to catch up. We’ll see if I’m actually able to do it!]

Welp, the words heard round the world. We did it. We freaking finally did it.

Trump’s reign is over. Let’s hope things get better! 🙂

I am so lucky to know so many ridiculously interesting person.

Ryan is maybe the sweetest human being on earth? He always been SO unbelievably nice and ridiculously hospitable. [Yes, he’s Canadian.]

He introduced me to “Come From Away” [an incredible Broadway show]. He let me stay with him when I ran a race in Toronto. He is dope, and here are some of my takeaways with him!

• He’s been on 13(!!!) game shows (between France, US, Canada, and Great Britain). Wheel of Fortune holds a special place in his heart because it was both his first and most profitable.
• Some of his hobbies are scuba diving [he’s up to almost 1,000 dives!], cup stacking [yes, he’s combined these and done this underwater], running [he’s even done a Spartan race], and more.
• I got to learn a bit more about the whole ‘world of cup stacking.’ He says doubles stacking is like a 3-legged race. Also, cup-stacking is “surprisingly athletic.” He told me about someone who got a D1 scholarship, they believe, in large part with the help of the small hand moments/coordination they got from cup stacking!

And on the all-important question I’ve been asking everyone, which is what is the point of life? Ryan said it’s to experience everything you can – and to make people happy, even in the small gestures like getting coffee for co-workers every Friday. “It is so little to do a good deed.”

[Yes, at the time this is posting, I’ve already even completed a master’s degree. I’m gonna need you to go ahead and imagine/pretend with me that this is 2020 haha.]

As we’re continue to catch up from all we’ve missed, let’s talk about school!

[To anyone who missed it, I quit school about 10 years ago (when I was like a sophomore), dropping out after 3 semesters in a row of being in and out of the hospital – and getting a job that seemed kinda good haha.

I feel like I must have told that story somewhere on this blog already haha. [If not, let me know and I’ll get deeper into it!]]

Back in the late spring, when everything was going online. One of my old professors reached out and told me that Berklee was going to be completely remote in the summer. And if I ever wanted to go back, *right now* was the time [as something huge and world-changing like this is so unlikely to ever happen again].

I thought why not!

College is a subject on this blog that’s been touched on now and again. I’ve always thought about going back, or maybe getting a degree from somewhere else, if I never could go back to Berklee (e.g. Harvard Extension School, which you can do practically completely online).

It’s never been a main priority. And to my knowledge, it’s never truly held me back in my life. But… it doesn’t become an issue until it’s an issue. And if it’s ever an issue, it’s probably too late to do something by the time you’d need to. [e.g. if it is an absolute requirement for a job or fellowship or something you reeeeeeally want, and they want to hire you, depending on the place/the rules, if you don’t have it, but the time you could fix the ‘problem’ [if they’re not willing to waive rules], you’re most likely long-gone, and someone else is most likely long-in.

So, while it’s never been a problem, it’s not bad to be prepared!

Once you’re in at Berklee, you’re “in for life” – that’s what they always say.

So, there isn’t a HUGE process in coming back. Basically, you just declare you want to. (There are *some* other steps than that, but that’s the big giant step you gotta do.)

So, I did that. And you know what? Let’s just get into it in an overly detailed way, because we’ve got time. So, I’ll talk more about this tomorrow!

[We were deep in the midst of Wheel of Fortune posts when I drafted this. I’ve already been eligible to give multiple times since this! So, while this post is old, enjoy it now as we continue catching up/keeping on!]

Welp, shelter-in-place orders officially started today. And basically the first thing I did was make an essential stop to give some blood!

I went to Cedars-Sinai. They are in a critical need!

It was such a weird scene. They had roped off the area you normally go to. You had to answer questions about recent travel and pass a mini-health screening just to be able to go down the hallway that led to the blood donor area!

I mean, it made sense. It just was weird and different.

Then you went to the blood donor area and that was pretty much same as normal, except that basically anyone in there today was a healthcare worker on break – not a lot of randos coming in off the street.

The guy who took my blood explained to me that most of their blood comes from blood drives (which I did not know – I always prefer to just go give at the hospital).

So, yeah, they’re in critical need!

I happily gave blood. And they were giving away tons of stuff if you did. I got an In N Out gift certificate, plus one for a coffee place, and a couple free stickers!

If you can give, I recommend it. Critical need time!

While we’re talking about canvassing –

I also did some canvassing in Ohio during the midterms!

Man… am I not a good luck charm? I’ve canvassed for a lot of candidates who ultimately did not win… But! I made calls for Cory Booker, and he’s a Senator. So, I guess you win some, you lose some.

Anyway, I enlisted my dad to help! He really came through after the election of Trump and has been more democrat-ish that I’ve ever seen him in my life. (He would still say he’s a Republican, I’m pretty sure, but maaaaan does he hate Trump.) So, he drove me around to canvas for Aftab Pureval!

(It was really special to do that with my dad!)

And the craziest/coolest part is that while I was picking up my packet of addresses and things, Aftab himeself walked in the office! How random.

I love canvassing!

Again, we already know at this point this was moot, because Biden is our candidate. But it was nice at the time.

Cory Booker and Kamala Harris were out of the race by this point. I had a few other people I loved, but Elizabeth Warren was my next favorite.

One of my friends called me up, and asked if I’d go canvassing with them. I really appreciated that! Often, it’s me who’s the friend that’s like “let’s go canvas!” But I dunno. I’d been kinda busy and exhausted. And I appreciated the nudge. And I took it, and went!

So, nudge your friends. Volunteer. Be political. It’s enriching!

What fun this was. (I know by the time you’re reading this, he’s already well out of the race, but it was very cool and hopeful at the time!)

As you know, we love our bff Cory Booker. (And usually when I say things like ‘our bff Cory Booker’, I’m 90% joking, ’cause it’s not like we’re actually best friends.)

But! I got an invite to be in the VIP section of this presidential rally! It was so cooooooool! I got to go pick up my special credentials, and then I say by his college roommates!

[I have a small video of this I’m gonna be putting back into this post when I figure out everything with the media player and whatever.]

How special. Yay!

As we continue to catch up on everything we missed from 2018/2019, for now I’m trying to do some of the bigger things in kind of chunks. And right now, we’re on sort of the ‘political/activism’ chunk.

And… there were just so many marches. Do you remember how many times we’ve marched and protested and everything in the last few years? My gosh… even though it’s empowering to feel you’re do something… it’s also exhausting.

Like… goodness gracious we need another President!

Anyway, if I’m gonna be completely real with you, I actually don’t remember every march, and every protest, in detail. So, let this just be a stand in post to say there were a million marches.

But one in particular I do remember a bit more than others is when I went to March for Our Lives, and it was because I was registering to volunteer voters, which was great!

Really getting your money’s [well, non-money’s haha] worth out there by showing support for the cause by being out there, AND registering people – especially since there were so many teenagers who hadn’t registered to vote yet.

It was pretty simple. You have a clipboard. You walk around. You take people’s info. You turn it in to the main tent people at the end. Boom.

A good day! [Well… as good of a day as it can be, protesting people being shot senselessly, and watching the potential fall of democracy in real-time.]

Man oh man. Obviously the Brett Kavanaugh things was so upsetting.

Sadly, I didn’t draft this at the time. So, I don’t fully remember it all.

I do remember PRO-Kavanaugh people were allowed to stay in certain areas of the building that we were ushered out of. Also ending up in an elevator with a bunch of security/police-y people. [If I find the video, I’ll post it here.]

I met a bunch of cool people, even under sad circumstances.

I went to the Capitol building and watched Chris Murphy give an inspired speech at 1am.

It was nice to do something – to be somewhere, and feel like I was trying to at least do something… even if it didn’t do much.

I kept that momentum going, and basically every time there was a protest I went.

There were a number of them in downtown.

Some details that stuck with me:

One of the protests went all around and through downtown, and one of my friends from high school waved from off his balcony! That was very cool to me.

So, at one march, everybody congregated at some of the government buildings downtown. We did chants and things, and were warned so many times that at whatever time (I think 6pm maybe?), they were going to be arresting anyone still there. (I think there were curfews in place, maybe? I forgot why they were allowed to arrest us for being out and about.)

Anyway, it was always a hard line to walk – how much you wanted to truly protest and put yourself on the line vs all the other concerns (like if you get detained, maybe not making it to work the next day, and I was at a job I absolutely could not afford to miss, or way more pressing than that, potentially being in a cell with people who have Coronavirus as the pandemic was raging, and I have prior heart issues).

It’s tough, because I think sort of the whole point of protesting is being willing to lay down your own safety and things you have to do for others. But… we do, to some extent, have to look out for ourselves, right? (Especially with the deadly pandemic raging.)

So yeah, I stayed until cops started swarming, and then I walked out the opposite side of the park. I didn’t see the point in getting arrested for being arrested’s sake.

There was one time though where cops were very much pointing guns(?) gun like things? I think they had blanks inside. But I think that still makes it a gun? Anyway… at the protestors. And I stood my ground.

It. was. terrifying.

But, I saw other people doing it. And I saw a woman of color doing it. And I just thought as a white person I have practically no choice but to brave up. If I’m here, I’m here. And I stayed kneeled in front of a cop with his gun pointed like directly at me. And it was scaaaaaaaary.

At one of the protests I went to (not that one, but another one), there were people getting shot with blanks.

People (including me) love to think about how brave they’re gonna be at these protests. And I’m apparently brave to a point. But once bullets (even blanks) start flying, and once people actually start getting arrested, at least in these cases, I was out of there. I did want to make a point, and I did want to show solidarity. But when things were that dangerous I didn’t see the point of staying, if I could get out [although I’m not sure of the most ethical decisions on these things].

So, yeah. Some inspiring times. Some scary times. These were definitely the most ‘real’ of any protests I’ve been to. I was never actually scared at other marches and things. But these were like… run from the sound of blanks exploding of guns types of protests.

Picking up from yesterday – 

So, I saw *another* protest come by not too much later. I THREW on my shoes, raced downstairs, and got there in time.

It started to get a little scary when people started throwing chairs against a Starbucks. I wanna protest and chant. But I don’t want to vandalize the corner Starbucks.

But yeah, I went out and marched around. And then pretty much after the Starbucks things everybody disbanded because the cops were coming. So, it was basically over.

And then I saw a gadrillion cop cars just going and going and going – somewhere, who knows where.

And some black people yelled down from their balcony “thank you for protesting!” And look, I know I’m not doing a lot. I certainly don’t get a gold medal for doing what I should be doing. But I felt good that I got out and got my feet on the ground. It SHOULD be the privileged white people protesting and it should be the black people who get to comfortably watch from a balcony if they’d rather.

It is my job, from my privileged place, to put my feet on the pavement – not to just watch and assume someone else is gonna do it. If we all said someone else, nobody would do anything.

No justice, no peace.

We continue to fill in things from the last few years. And here’s a draft I did back in May:

So, obviously for the last 70-something days, I’ve been hanging in my apartment, mainly. #QuarantineCity, baby.

[It will become so weird if there ever becomes a time that Covid-19 is so forgotten about that people do not understand the context of that first paragraph.]

Anyway, as I’m sure you’ve seen, there’ve been all these protests. Well, tonight, there was one in downtown LA. My roommate and I came to our balcony to see what the noise was about, and there was a crowd walking down the street.

I thought it would be nice to join them, but it was like “they’re already passing by. I don’t want to get Coronavirus. [Etc etc etc].

Then, just a couple of blocks later, we started hearing these huge explosions. We ran out again and smoke was billowing everywhere. I think tear gas had been released.

And at first I was a little relieved when I thought “that coulda been me.” But then I was embarrassed about that relief.

What? I think other people’s lives are less precious than mine? That I should get to continue to stay supremely safe with social distancing, in my little high rise tower and it’s for other people to put their bodies on the line?

No. This is important stuff. And I should be being tear-gassed too! We all have to show up and show that all of this racism all over America is unacceptable and we will not be tolerating any more deaths of black people at the hands of police.

Omg did you ever think we’d make it here?! Did you?!

I can hardly believe it. What a road it has been. And yet. I passed.

My high school theater teacher was there to witness it, which was amazing! And some of my very close friends were there too!

I had one of the most fun scenes of my LIFE. Of course it’s never quite as fun just recounting in a blog form, ’cause it’s kind of one of those “you had to be there” things. But we got to do a “Kids Incorporated” where we were from a group called “Cum Busters.” (Yes, our audience had a dirty mind.)

And my scene partner and I got to just dance and be super silly for quite a while. Our teacher even said ‘I’m never going to black this out.’ haha.

We were all having the best time. The audience laughed a lot. Then we stayed at The Dark Room forever talking and talking about improv and the night and my class, and everything. [One of my other good friends had also recently passed, so we also talked about what we were hoping as far as Writing Lab, and what we wanted to do to prepare and all that jazz.]

So, yeah.

I did it – obviously with the help of many other people.

I can’t wait to do Writing Lab and tell you all about it!

Okay, so this I actually did cover in 2019, because it happened on my birthday! And it was the thing I was proudest of that year. So, I just HAD to share it with ya’ll back then.

But since I’m sort of re-telling this all linearly, I just felt that I needed to have one in here, in case anyone is re-reading it now.

We made it. We did. Greatest feeling ever. [You can see the actual original post here.]

So, as you know, I’m filling in all these things we’ve missed. So, in order to jog my memory, I’ve been looking at some old texts and pictures and things.

And I found Ben and my conversation from after our performance. And it was just so, so sweet because we were so giddy!

It was talking about strangers who’d talked to us after the performance, and what members of the steering committee had told us [nothing secret, but we were reading a little something into every ‘good job’].

We were really just very happy to be there. And we were happy to be done. We were pleased with our work. It was nice to be proud before we even got the results – although of course we were hoping for great results.

We had faith, and sure enough we got exactly what we wanted!

Since we’ve been talking about BMI so much, I have a whole instagram story about BMI, so I thought it was maybe something to post!

[Note, I’m having issues with media upload. So, I will upload this at some point in the future… hopefully]

Ben and I did a ton of writing not in the room together during BMI.

We had schedules that didn’t always align. I was often not in the state. (I wasn’t even in the country for part of it.)

And it worked totally fine! In many ways, it was nice. I had time to really be thoughtful with lyrics. I didn’t feel all this pressure of him being right there. We’d just do back and forth responses [like emails or texts] that usually weren’t meant nor expected to be in real time.

But BMI highly suggests people do write in the room. And I have to admit, that when we were doing it for the final, it felt awesome!

As you may have seen, this was my favorite song. For all intents and purposes, it was written. We’d written the first draft and performed it during class. We expanded it while I was in Mexico. But there were just a couple of parts we thought might be able to be better.

So, while Eric was rehearsing with us, we started brainstorming – especially just as we were hearing it out loud by the actor who was going to do it, it felt easier to pick out the parts that seemed like they would work and not.

And I remember when I said “a text that just says K. Period” in the room. And it was so cool to see in real time not just thinking your own idea was cool, but having people laugh and be like “that absolutely must go in the song!”

It was a cool moment. A fun time. And I just wanted to share that little tidbit with you!

Picking up from yesterday –

But what felt best of all was that it went over like freaking gangbusters!!! I can’t even begin to tell you how well it went. Well, I can… And I will. I just – phew. It’s like a weight lifted from my heart and my shoulders. And goodness, gracious it just felt so good.

And I think that’s especially true because throughout the last couple of years since this happened, I kept thinking “‘this’ [whatever random thing ‘this’ happens to be at the moment] is gonna be the things that helps,” or “at least I’ll excel at this, this, or that.”

And I have probably failed more in the last couple of years than I have in the rest of my life combined. It has felt over and over and over like nothing could go right – even stuff that had almost always gone right before… Interpersonal stuff was totally falling apart. Running (my safe haven!) was a complete mess. (I got slower, and sadder, and injured, and everything was awful – even with my favorite hobby.)

There were some songs in BMI that I actually thought were pretty good, but then ultimately didn’t go over too terribly great.

Even at work where I feel like I can usually totally hold it down, I wasn’t doing as well, had trouble concentrating, was just a straight up mess. (And kinda especially one specific job I expected to go well – and probably, under different circumstances would have – didn’t.) So, I dunno…

Basically, seemingly every part of my life was a mess. I started completely distrusting my own decisions since everything was resulting in failures anyway…

So, I braced myself for, “Okay, here might be another failure” (since it seems like everything is as of late, eesh!)… But alas, it was a success. (What?! Fiiiiiinally! A success!) Eeeeeeee!

More tomorrow!

[Or for more on my experience with BMI, you can click here.
And for more on sexual assault, go here.
Thanks!]

I just found this instagram story from my last day in Cabo, so I thought why not go ahead and leave this here for posterity? 🙂

Going through the pictures to try to remember the various things I did, and I took so many selfies haha.

Because I loved my hair. It was always slightly messy, but in the cutest way. I feel like always being in the saltwater did something good?

I just liked it. I liked the vibe.

And I like the color. I feel like I’m always fighting with my hair color, because it’s always lighter than I want. And it often seems to lighten up if I’m in the sun too much.

But something about Mexico – it worked.

Maybe I should start bringing these pictures in to hairstylists.

Some people have asked about the actual work part.

I loved that the trip was paid for. Even though a lot of my adventures took place in La Paz or Cabo, we basically shot in La Ventana, which is just a tiny little city where cows are just out there roaming around, which was so fun.

I saw more lizards than I’ve ever seen. They hang out in your room too.

We were told a million times not to drink the water. We even got like a GIANT jug of water a week, and if we went through it, we could get more.

Originally, I was in a sort of unmarked hotel with paper thin walls. And then, one day hanging out at lunch, I found out there were extra rooms at the Hilton, baby!!!!

Some people didn’t want to stay at the Hilton because it was all the way in La Paz, so you had to commute like over an hour each way instead of 20 minutes each way. BUT then you were in a CITY! A fairly major city!

You could scuba dive before work. You could walk to Dairy Queen.

They gave commutes for free to everybody. So, it’s not like it affected you monetarily. You still got the same van. So, PUT ME IN THE CITY, BABY!

It was a very ‘Americanized’ trip. Like, just because I ‘worked in Mexico,’ I worked for an American company based in California. So, nothing was affected tax-wise. And while I was there for a while, I did overall still feel like a tourist (because, overall, I was).

Everything was taken care of for me – where I was staying, transportation, etc. All I really had to do was figure out how to have fun.

That was another thing that was nice was there were ALWAYS people around. You could hang out in the sort of make shit ‘commissary’ to meet crew members. You could hang in the bar of the Hilton and almost always find someone. There were just always people around from the show.

It was super easy to have travel buddies – which also made it very Americanized, because I maaaaainly hung out with American people. BUT Cabo is often known as “Cabofornia” anyway, so it’s a pretty American place.

So, I don’t know how much I really acclimated to a new culture, since we had a bubble of sort of our own, in a place that was fairly Americanized to being with. But it was a great time. I feel really lucky I had the job. I’d love to travel for work again sometime!

Toward the end of my time there, I stopped by Flora Farms. I think this might’ve been the best ice cream I ever tasted. If you’ve got the time, it’s worth the drive! Mmmm, mmm, mmm!