Sexual Assault - Aurora's Blog

Well, this is weird. I never thought for a second this would ever be something I talked about (or felt I needed to talk about) on this blog…

And yet, here we are. I’m posting a lot about sexual assault lately. So, here’s a page to organize those posts. I’ll add to it as we keep adding posts… [Some of these links are broken, and some haven’t been added, etc. etc. I’m sorry, this page is a mess, as my life was haha… So, I’m doing my best to organize it soon enough. Thanks!]

Some of My “Favorites”

(It’s weird to have “favorite” posts a la sexual assault. But, I had a really hard time writing on this subject, and often had no idea what I was doing. So, these are some where I feel like I at least sort my made my points better than others 🙂 (Let’s hope))

If I Never Hear “Boys Don’t Listen” Again For The Rest Of My Life, It Will Be Too Soon
What Does Forgiveness Look Like?
A Short Meeting With Cory Booker (About All This)
What Cory Booker Might Not Know (But Inspired Me)
I Should Be Able To Go Out With An Asshole – And Still Be Safe(!)
How Did The One-Year Assault Anniversary Go? [This isn’t a “favorite” in that, I don’t think there’s a huge point or anything, but I think it gives a reeeeal window into the sadness and hopelessness of the time.]
I’m Drowning Because I Won’t Let Go
Do We Actually Blame All Sorts Of People For More Than I Think?
You Build So Much Because Of What You Eventually Get To Keep
Advice Always Comes With A Giant Asterisk
Re: Advice – None Of Us Even Know What We’re Talking About
I Am So Done Answering Questions About My Behavior Surrounding My Assaults
[Parts 1 – 4]
Recovery Is Always At Least A Little Bit In Your Head
Larry Wilmore’s Brilliant (and Helpful) Words Re: Sexual Assault Survivors
Assault is Not a Normal Relationship Problem
I’m Tired Of My Whole World Being So Red
The Way I Interact With The World Doesn’t Have To Change
I Feel Defensive All The Time (But Maybe I Don’t Have To Be)
To *Think* I Was Doing Everything Right – And Learn I Was Doing It All Wrong
I Wish We Had A Bigger Vocabulary – Parts 1 – 5
Let’s All Just Be Better?

Sex

What If Sex Is My Tequila
So, Did Sex Ever Become Normal Again?
The First Time I Had Sex After Being Sexually Assaulted

Trying To Figure Out How In The World I Heal/Navigate Life Now

My World Got So Quiet After Being Sexually Assaulted
You Would Think I’d Never ______ Before
I Need To Start Seeing A Future, And Not Just The Past
It Is Reeeally Like I Don’t Live In New York
Relationship Collateral Damage
Part 1
Part 2
Part 3
Picking Up The Pieces Doesn’t Necessarily Make The Same Picture
Weirdly, Sightseeing Has Been A Giant Hurdle
…And There’s Something About Sightseeing In Philadelphia
I’ll Never Officially “Catch Up”
Having an Enemy Sucks

Some Stuff Now That I’ve Gained A *Little* Perspective/
Trying To Come Back Into Reality

It’s Weird Being A Reanimating Ghost

The Process Of Healing

I See Things Again
What? You Like Pizza?
Picking Up The Pieces In The Last(?) Stage Of Recovery
A Good Article On Healing
The First Truly 100% Normal Experience Again
How Do You Know When Someone Is Suffering?
It’s a Whole New World Today! (Entering the Final Phase of Therapy)
I Wish I Would’ve Gone To Therapy So Much Earlier (I Totes Recommend It)
What Is Power, Really?
I’m Back To Crying In Chipotles* Again?
There *Will* Come A Time When Everything’s Okay Again

Assaults themselves

That Time In College (And why I didn’t see it as assault when it happened)
Having My Vagina Grabbed on a subway platform (when someone reached up my skirt)
The Big Bad Assault(s) from Sexual Assault Guy [link coming soon]
After the Assault, Things Got Messy – Parts 1 – etc.

Some Stuff About Dealing With An Abuser

If Only, If Only, If Only (There’s *Nothing* You Can Do)
“Oh, Aurora, How Could You Talk About Somebody This Way On Your Blog?”
Rapists Make Breakfast Too, You Know
I Feel Best When I’m So, So Far Away From Him… But I Don’t Want To Leave My Life
Being Assaulted By A Charming, Well Liked Man
Part 1 – (It’s Hard To Reconcile Who You Thought You Knew With Who You Grew To Know)
Part 2 –
Part 3 –
“It Obviously Wasn’t Assault If You Chose To Stay With Him (Spoiler Alert: I Disagree)
“Just Put Your Foot Down” Is Terrible Advice

Questions That Arose About My Experience

But Why Did This Affect You Soooooo Much – Especially When You’re So “Resilient”?
Why Didn’t You Report? (Spoiler: I Kind Of Did)
Why Does Someone Go Back To Someone Who Does That?
Sooooo… Do You Want To See Him, Or Not?

Friendships/Relationship (Oh Goodness, The Struggle With These)

My Beautiful Dream Of A Turnaround Is Not Going How I’d Hoped
Curiosity Killed The…

Related Posts To My Personal Sexual Assault Experience

I Know He Gets A Perspective Too
“I Thought You Were Only Saying No Because…” An Interesting Window Into What A Man Thought About Consent… [Sorry, I think this link is still half broken. I’m working on it!]
I Thought It Could Never Happen To Me
Wouldn’t It Be Great If The Narrative Were “Perfect”
I Live In That Soundproof Box Now…
You’re Just Never Not On Trial For The Rest Of Your Life, Huh?

Preliminary Thoughts About Talking About Sexual Assault On The Blog

My first post giving a glimpse into what’s going on
When I was trying to have the healthiest attitude I possibly could and look on the bright side, I wrote a post that was important to me – The 99% Outweighs the 1%

Some General Thoughts About Sexual Assault

The Weirdness of Being Expected to Fight
He Only Wants Power
Using Analogies to Talk About it
The “Grey Area” (That’s like not really super really a thing)
A Small Example Of Why It Can Be So Hard To Share A Sexual Assault Story
What Is Gaslighting?
“You Wanted It”
A Cracked Article Worth Reading
Checking In On My Progress About Sexual Assault
Part 1 – There’s a Lot Of Progress
Part 2 – Yet Some Things Remain
Sexual Assault Feels Like a Giant Umbrella Over My Life
I Had A Messed Up View Of Consent (This Actually Isn’t Even A Post About Sex!)
Abuse Begets Abuse
Some posts on the “patriarchy”
20-Something Years of Anger
– Part 1 (I Hadn’t Understood How Exhausting Continued Latent Sexism Is)
– Part 2 (It’s Hard To Find The Balance Of Anger And Not In This World)
The Patriarchy Sucks For Guys Too
Your Heart Problem Goes Away, Your Rapist Doesn’t
What If Sex Is My “Tequila”?
How Did I Ever Used To Do this Every Day?
Your “First” Doesn’t Have To Set The Tone Forever
Equality Extends To Your Personal Life (Did You Know That?)
Does Therapy Eventually Make You Worse? [Spoiler alert: My answer is no.]
I Do Remember/Am Aware That I’ve *Always* Been Just Like A Regular Ol’ Mortal Human Being, Right?
An Understanding Doesn’t Equal An Excuse
My Range Of Emotions Is Changing
A “Feminist” Sexually Assaulted Me
Part 1 –
Part 2 –
How Do We Make All The Stuff Actually Accessible?
How Objective Is The Redemption Story?
It Kind Of Just Takes As Long As It Takes

Some Wallow-y Stuff

I Liked My Train
“Aurora Would’ve Really Loved This”
I Feel So Lonely, Baby
Part 1 – (My Closest Friend)
Part 2 – (Acquaintances)
Part 3 – (Romantic Relationships)
I Am So Very, Very Tired Of Being Angry All The Time
It Still Hurts To Think About What Was “Supposed” To Be, Or Could’ve Been…
I Feel Like I Need Forgiveness (For Being Such A Bad Feminist)
Seeing the Lost Piece(s) Of Me
It Just Feels Like My Consequences Are Never Ending
What I “Should’ve” Done…(?)

Some Spinning Wheels In My Head

The Moment I Keep Going Back To When It Comes To My Assault(s)
That Moment – A Misunderstanding Even At The Beginning Of All The Misunderstandings

New York Stuff

A Stranger On The Subway Cared That I Was Crying
I Mean To New York (And I Hate That)
Soooo…. They All Just Think I Live Here For Real
California Is My Time Machine
Dating In New York