Picking up from yesterday –
The psychologist also said I made a point of making “provocative comments”
– ‘e.g. talking about a television show she will be on, though she prefaced it with the fact that she was ‘not supposed to talk about it’.’
Look, let me take a breath for a sec on to say that when I was first reading through these notes, I was just mad (about so many things… the rejection and not feeling heard and all that jazz). But as I kept reading, I actually started to feel bad.
I really do.
I do not want to be the kind of person that people put up with when I’m around, and then talk behind my back about how annoying I am.
I am totally aware that I’m sort of loud, and I’m really outgoing. Sometimes I can be a bit much. Even my closest friends say I’m intense (which I actually take as a compliment and most of the time view as a good thing).
However, I know I can be the sort of person you need a break from. I try to generally keep things to normal fun human level, but I understand that I can be a handful.
In fact, just recently, when my dad was telling me a story about when I was a little girl, I said, “Gee, I sound like such an adorable handful.” And my dad said, “I don’t know that a more accurate description of you has ever been uttered… except it might be more than a handful. You’re like two handfuls.”
So, I get it. But, some people like the outgoingness. I try to keep a balance. But geez. I don’t want to be so annoying and so story-telly that people cannot stand to be around me. So I feel bad!
(Genuinely, I feel bad.)
She also said my comments were “mostly tangential from any direct question that was asked.”
…But in my opinion, I didn’t bring big things up for the fun of it. I brought things up because she asked me. When she asked about my hobbies, and I said running, and she asked me to elaborate on running – I’d recently finished my big project. To me, it made sense that the 52 half marathons came up. But apparently not to her.
The Price is Right thing came up because she was really not letting go when it came to finances. She seemed extremely concerned that I wasn’t working at the time. So, I tried to – in sort of a cute way – kind of imply “well, if a nice extra chunk of money were about to come into my life, that might put your mind at ease… of course I can’t give specifics as to what I won. But just DVR TPiR. *wink*”
And we’ll pick up continuing this thought next week.