I still don’t totally know how I feel about years in review, yet I still keep doing them.
When I put together my Facebook album of the past year, there were some cool things about it. I think we could even present it in a way to make it sound cool. “Whoa, look. She went to the Emmys, did her first ultramarathon, and got her first producing job on a TV show. Not to mention she met Hillary Clinton, got a A in a Harvard Extension class, did many volunteer activities, and some other random cool stuff.”
See? That does sound cool when presented that way, doesn’t it?
But it can also be presented in not quite as nice of a way. Because what did I actually do?
We’ve talked about that producing job. If you missed it, it fell through. The show doesn’t have any plans to air anytime in the near future.
Meeting Hillary Clinton was incredibly exciting, but it was just meeting someone else who’s done a bunch of great things. I didn’t do anything newsworthy by standing in line to meet a cool person.
Same thing with the Emmys – I had the time of my life going and supporting people I care about. But obviously I wasn’t nominated. It was another case of people around me being cool, and me being sort of along for the ride…
The ultramarathon made me feel strong. So, I think we can probably look at that as a new accomplishment. But even still, multiple things in the year in the review were related to races or general athletic stuff. It’s like, “We get it. You run marathons and stuff.”
I could keep picking apart everything on the list, but you get the gist.
I don’t want to be a total Debbie Downer here, ’cause there is some cool stuff in there.
But let’s ask me the important questions. What did I add to the world this year? How did I improve myself?
Shonda Rimes made me ball my eyes out with Grey’s Anatomy. Dan Goor makes me laugh like crazy with Brooklyn Nine-Nine. What did I give to the world?
I don’t have an answer for you!
I volunteered at 48 events (as my 52 in 52 weeks ends in February). Hopefully somewhere in there, my contribution was good enough that it really helped – that I put some good in the world, that someone smiled. But I just feel like I didn’t put a lot of great stuff in the world this year.
The how did I improve question has a bit better of an answer. I did get stronger. I did lose a bit more weight. I did learn a lot about the world around me through that Harvard Extension class. I could’ve improved more. I could’ve worked out more, etc.
I don’t write this post asking for a pat on the back. I write it because looking back at the year (and my time writing this blog) gives me questions (and some reflections). We’ll get to that stuff tomorrow.