[This is just organizing old blog posts. I’m sorry if you’re getting a notification about this one!]
Picking up from yesterday –
[And again, we’re really in the weeds on this one haha]
So, even if I have a little buffer, 3:30 is the shortest it’s gonna be able to take me [and I don’t even think I can do that, tbh]. I understand that 3:30 is a slow half marathon time that isn’t a lot to ask of someone… But, as we all know, I was really depressed for much of the last year and a half. I’m only kinda just now really getting better. So, for kind of a long time, I’ve been holed up in my apartment a lot and not working out so much. aka, I gained weight and lost and fitness. As sad and embarrassing as it is, I don’t really have a 3:30 half in me right now. (Eep!)
I also talked about how during recovery I felt this very intense apathy. But now that apathy is diminishing, because I’m getting my brain back and I’m getting me back. And I’m thinking about how I had to take sort of a version of the Rock ‘n’ Roll shuttle for a small bit in Mexico City. I know I argued back then, “Well, they dropped us off farther than they said they would and you just did that mile before the race.” But that’s working hard to justify a ride with the motorcycle dude.
We can argue that that’s technically “within the official rules of Rock ‘n’ Roll races.” But is it within my moral rules? My brain, and moral compass, and internal fire is all coming back as I start to feel like I’m being re-put together as a person again.
In Canada, they also might let you take the shuttle. (There’s some back and forth on whether the shuttle nudges you forward or ends your race.) Or they might divert you, but still let you ‘finish’. But is that what I want this year to be? Do I want to see that plaque hung across from my bed and think about diversions, and shuttles, and not really being able to accomplish something? Do I want to just stare at the “excuses” plaque?
[I mean, no. The short (and spoiler in the title) answer is no, I don’t. But nonetheless, I’ll talk about this a little more tomorrow.]