Picking up from yesterday –
So, I’d missed the puzzle.
I then fell to my knees because I always lose my legs when I’m overcome with emotion. (You saw that on The Price is Right. I couldn’t stay standing when I heard it was a car.) So, I just dropped to the ground. (You can’t see this with the camera, but I hit the ground so hard, I got a bruise on my knee after the tape date!)
Pat made the joke about having twins, and I was just so in my own world, I didn’t even clock it at all, like literally did not register that he said it.
I was super nervous for him to open the envelope.
In a perfect world, if I was losing, it would’ve been a car. The money you actually net off of a car is ultimately somewhat minimal (ish, depending on how you think of minimal in the game show world).
(In calculations we did when I won a car on The Price is Right, people were ultimately netting 5 grand, give or take – which, sure, is a lot, but it’s not the same as losing $37,000 [over 6x more than that amount!].
But the next best thing it could be is $37,000 (which was the smallest amount on the wheel that season).
I would’ve wanted to throw up if it had been $100,000 (not that I didn’t want to, losing $37,000 haha)!
So, he opened the envelope. It was $37,000.
Then I didn’t realize how far I’d turned away from him.
I hate the feeling of being embarrassed, and not immediately being able to crawl into the earth, you know?
It’s like I want to hide and I don’t know how.
She he asks if I’m all right, and I say I’m a big loser.
Absolutely hilarious to see nothing has changed from third grade me. Perhaps I should learn how to deal with disappointment better, instead of just trying to always outrun it.
So, then I say “I hope nobody watches this” (I guess really just trying to drive the point home that yeah, I’m embarrassed. I know this was not a great look for me).
And then he goes, “”well, we’re hoping they do.”
And then I let out my first truly genuine laugh of the show.
More than anything, I’m laughing at myself at that point, because in that moment it zooms out from my embarrassment to the fact that this is how all these people make a living!
They need TV shows to keep going! Those people want to keep their jobs, so people have to watch.
So, I’m laughing at myself, thinking, I guess my ego can take a hit for over 100 people’s livelihoods.
So, I did it. I made it through the show. And this is where I’ll pick up tomorrow.