(#37) Long Beach Marathon Expo Bib Pickup (October 10, 2014) – Part 1 (Just a Basically Straightforward Day)

November 14, 2014

Aurora posing excitedly, passing out bibs at the Long Beach Half Marathon update 2014I spent so very much time talking all about my first ultramarathon, that now there’s a lot of other stuff to catch up on! So, let’s move on back to some volunteer activities we missed.

I handed out half marathon bibs to people at the Long beach expo. I’d imagined what it was like to be behind the table (since I’m often in front of it). So, I went to find out for myself.

It’s all pretty straightforward, really. Someone gives you a bib number. You find the bib (they’re in numerical order), then check the name on the back of the bib against the name on the photo ID.

You glance at the ID and the person. (Sometimes people don’t totally look like the photos on their IDs, but I trusted everybody was who their ID said they were. They all looked close enough.) Then you hand over the bib.

They sign the paper in front of you, which I was told acts as another waiver. I don’t totally understand that process because the only thing on that paper is names and blanks for signatures. So, if they don’t even have waiver wording to look at, I don’t understand how that paper counts as a waiver.

I just remember in volunteer training, one of the trainers said that if a participant is picking up for a friend we must get the signed waiver for the friend who wasn’t there, but we didn’t need a signed waiver from the person because they’re signing the sign in sheet – which acts as the waiver…

Anyway, other than not totally understanding the ins and outs of why that form counts as a waiver, the whole thing was pretty straightforward. We didn’t really have to deal with many problems as if someone’s bib number was wrong, we asked them to go double check on computers at the end of our row. (And usually when they did, they found the right number.)

Aurora trying to look like she's really concentrating while looking through bibs at the Long Beach Half Marathon Expo 2014If there was any problem beyond that, we just sent them to the solutions table. I’d really love to work a solutions table to see how problems are dealt with, but I think probably only real staff members ever work those, as you’re dealing with different varying problems all day long.

I do have a little specific story about one such problem that we’ll get to in part 2.

Both other than that, it was a very straightforward gig. They even fed us breakfast snacks and lunch as well.

During downtime, I’d group safety pins into groups of 4 (connecting them – instead of having people grab 4 and keep hold of all of them separately). I know it’s a really small thing, but people seemed to like it. Sometimes the little things make all the difference.

So, there you have it – the mostly uneventful day at the Long Beach Half Marathon expo. (Though there is a semi-funny story about needing to pee that I’ll get to in my kidney story. And there is a hopefully somewhat interesting moral quandary that we’ll get to in part 2!)

The Tiny Aftermath of My Ultramarathon – Part 2 (Ow, the Massage, Consarn It!)

November 13, 2014

Aurora crying in pain after her deep tissue massage
It’s been a while since we’ve had a crying picture here on the blog. About time, huh? Here I am in pain from my massage (which we’ll so get to in this post)

Picking up from last time –

So, she’s working on my back. And whatever is happening is hurting like crazy.

But I’m trying to take it since she already did this whole thing at the beginning of are you suuuuure you want a deep tissue massage?

I’m all stubborn and for some reason, I think it’s so important what this stranger thinks of me and if she thinks I’m strong enough to handle a deep tissue massage.

But as she’s working on me, it’s feeling like she’s doing something to my nerves or something back there (I’m not totally sure) – but no matter what it is she’s working on, it doesn’t feel like my muscles.

Anyway, I power through, but am in pain throughout the day (which seems to almost be getting worse). I get to sleep, but wake up in the middle of the night. Finally, the next morning I know I have to do something (besides cry about it). So, I looked up a chiropractor on yelp. (If only I’d used yelp for my massage therapist, right?)

Thankfully, I find this spectacular chiropractor in Ohio who sees me right away. (Tiny side story: My parents were using both cars and the cab company didn’t have any cabs available in the near future (ah, the Midwest). So, amazing B came to the rescue and drove me there!)

When I got there, I was told, “no wonder you’re in pain! Your ribs have been misplaced.” Crack, crack, crack. A few adjustments later, I was so happy!

So, what did we learn from this (hopefully)?

1) Maybe consider looking up reviews of massage therapists before visiting them. Those online review sites exist for a reason. I get doing things on a whim, but I guess massages are more important to get right than I’d initially thought (though I don’t know why I didn’t think it would be important to get a reading on the person who’s going to be adjusting my precious, precious body).

2) Maybe don’t care what some stranger thinks about what you can/cannot take – and if something is not good for you, don’t let your stubbornness get in the way. Perhaps don’t constantly be always out to prove something. (‘Cause in this scenario, what are you honestly trying to prove?)

3) Don’t be afraid to voice your opinions/concerns. Yes, a massage therapist knows more about the body in general than I do. But I also know some stuff about my body. And if I want a lot of pressure on my legs and not much on my back, it wouldn’t hurt to ask for that. As Sheryl Sandberg says, Lean In!

Will I learn, and avoid something like this next time? Let’s hope so!

That Time I (Hopefully) Gave Away A Kidney – Part 46 (Getting Into My Medical Chart! – Starting the Psychologist’s Notes)

November 12, 2014

Picking up from Sunday –

Finishing out her summary, she does say in here, “patient reports that she would rather do anonymous donation so that the transplant outcome is unknown to her.” So, apparently she did hear that, even though earlier in this very same document she implied I was on the fence as to whether I wanted to do an anonymous or directed donation.

So, basically I don’t completely and totally trust their perceptions of me if details are changing a little throughout the document. I know it’s small stuff. But if we’re soooo professional here, and we can’t cut any tension or have any fun, then shouldn’t we be getting all the details right – even the minuscule one? I’m just saying…

(Okay, I mean, I’m nit-picking and being a little unfair at this point. That really was a small thing and no I’m being a bit too attack-y just in my anger… So, moving on.)

Basically, her summary at the end of the document was that she was wary because of the things I talked about earlier in her report…

And now let’s get to (dum dum dum – scary chords) the psychologist.

In her very first paragraph she again mentions that she’s nervous about me wanting to be liked… She states in here that I made multiple comments about wanting to make people proud of me by donating.

I am genuinely sorry if it came across that way, but I would be willing to bet money that I never actually said that. I’m actually genuinely confused, curious, and a little concerned about how she could get that impression.

I want to be proud of myself. I want to change someone’s life. But in absolutely no way am I doing this to make anyone proud of me. Who would be proud?! My dad is nervous and thinks I’m a little crazy. (Granted, that’s his reaction to a lot of my various adventures… but, you know, in a very fatherly/loving way.)

So, I’m sorry if anything I did made it seem that I was doing it to make someone proud. But that’s so silly. I am absolutely only doing it to try to help someone get out of the hospital lifestyle. I remember how inconvenient and not great it was. If I can keep someone from living that life, then that’s what I want to do!

That’s it. No hidden motives. No nothing else. And I’m sad if somehow I said something that made her feel differently.

All I can hope is that she really wasn’t listening all that well – or that she was projecting or something. Who knows.

We’ll pick up more with what she had to say on Sunday.

The Tiny Aftermath of My Ultramarathon – Part 1 (No Workouts & Going in For a Massage)

November 11, 2014

Aurora drinking planet smoothie
one of the many Planet Smoothies had while in Ohio – as every time I’m there I try to have Planet Smoothie at every available opportunity 🙂

We went through a very detailed story of the race. So, why not mention the details – what happened when it was over?

At the end of that week, I would have to take one last kidney test (to try to give a kidney to a stranger, if you’re new here).

Due to the nature of the test (measuring protein in the urine – which sometimes can look high, even if it’s not, if too much exercise is involved), I was not allowed to work out for 5 days before the test.

That meant no working out for me after my ultra! I still went for little walks around the local mall, and I stretched out a bit (though I probably should’ve stretched more). I would’ve loved to have worked out more, but it was what it was.

Technically, I could’ve done some recovery runs and waited longer to do that test… But the whole reason I planned the test at that time was so I could work out as hard as I could before having to take 5 whole days off (eesh – knowing a 5-day workout break would be totally lame).

Anyway, it was fine – not an ideal recovery, but with the walking every night, it wasn’t a disaster.

Wanna know what was a disaster? My deep tissue massage.

I don’t get massages often. I think it had been over a year since I had one. But I decided that since I’d worked really hard on my longest race yet, and since I had a chill week with no real working out, I’d treat myself to a deep tissue massage.

I’d only ever had one deep tissue massage in my life, and it was wonderful and rejuvenating! So, I thought this would be too. It was not.

I don’t want to make the massage therapist sound bad. I’m sure she’s a fine enough person. But from the moment I went in, I felt a little on the defensive when she was all, “Are you sure you want a deep tissue massage?” “Um, yes?”

She said deep tissue massages were more intense than normal massages, which I’d heard before. But when she started on my legs, it didn’t seem that intense at all.

I’d said I’d done an ultramarathon and that my legs needed the most work, but she told me that when she does deep tissue massages, she mainly focuses on the back, and gives normal pressure to everything else…

But my back feels fine. It’s the part of my body least in need for a deep tissue massage.

Yet, I didn’t pipe up.  I figured with 16 years of experience she must know best. Did she?

This is where I’ll pick up tomorrow.

My First Ultramarathon?! – Part 22 (Final Thoughts – Uh, I Did An Ultramarathon?)

November 10, 2014

Aurora doing a little pose with her medals from her Spartan trifecta-in-a-day 2014Picking up from last time –

I just wanted to write some final thoughts… ‘Cause what in the world? How did I become an ultramarathoner?

It is so funny how capable we all are. I entertained the idea that probably one day I’d want to do an ultra. But I figured that was something that would happen deep into the future. An ultramarathon just sounded far – oh so far!

But then I just kind of fell into this trifecta-in-a-day (that I thought would be a little less than a marathon) and boom. I got there, and I learned it was technically an ultramarathon. So, I did it. What was I gonna do, just not do it? (That’s obviously crazy talk.)

As a somewhat recent Grey’s Anatomy episode said, “When the world gives you more than you bargained for,you usually end up glad you got it.”

I realize a 50k is the baby ultramarathon. It’s basically the smallest one you can do. Usually, when people talk about ultras, they’re talking about 50 or 100 milers. So, I realize I may not officially be one of the cool kids yet. But it’s still pretty cool to say, “I’m an ultramarathoner!”

Part of the reason I’ve been more likely to talk about this as my ultramarathon instead of a Spartan race is because we could still debate if I was Spartan enough with all my burpees and helpful boosts and such. I mean, I did it. But I didn’t do it as hard as some.

But the one thing I definitely did was get all those miles in, baby! So, that much we can say with certainty.

…Or at least as much certainty as we can. Everyone, all day, at the Spartan race had slightly different answers for race distances. But based on mile markers and what official Spartan people said, I believe the day was a bit over a 50k (31 miles).

There were a number of racers who asked on social media how many people finished the trifecta. I’d love to know! Spartan has results sections for each individual race, but nothing for the trifecta.

I don’t know why Spartan won’t release them, but curiosity has died down as I guess we’re all just figuring, “Well, I finished. Does it reeeeeally matter how many other people did?” (But it sort of does, right?) However, I guess that’s not the Spartan way – to concern yourself too much with comparing yourself to others, when you could compare yourself to you.

I did see people quit. At the gear tent between my Beast and Super, as it was wildly cold and people were tired, I saw people say, “Forget it. Give me my bag. I’m going home,” which shocked me. But some people were just done. Thankfully, I was not one of them.

I made it through. (And I would absolutely love to try a trifecta-in-a-day again!)

I’ve now done a Spartan in 104 degree heat and one in temps in the 40s with rain and hail. What’s next? Bring it on! AROO

That Time I (Hopefully) Gave Away A Kidney – Part 45 (Getting Into My Medical Chart! – Do I Honestly Have No Idea How To Interview?)

November 9, 2014

Picking up from Wednesday –

Now we get to her summary and recommendations. She mentions in here that I said, “I just want you to like me… I just want us all to be friends.” And she mentions it as though it’s a genuine concern that she has.

Now, when you see that sentence in writing, I think there are so many ways you can take it! It sounds as though she took it as a genuinely scared wide-eyed girl hoping people really liked her.

I meant it as a “I’m trying to have fun and cut the tension in here. I’m gonna give one of my little shoulder shrugs with the smile like ‘haha. Let’s all just get along *smile*” But no! The tension is *never* allowed to be cut in that room.

I’ll admit, I was nervous. But I don’t really care one way or another if this social worker actually likes me outside of this weird little context. Why would I care? All I was truly nervous about was that this interview would decide for another human if she or he would get to live!

Seriously. That’s not hyperbole. Kidney transplants are actually life and death. If I failed this interview (which unfortunately I did), more likely than not, someone was going to die. Even if they didn’t die, their life would stay in this trapped phase, which was what I really wanted to help save someone from.

And that’s a lot of pressure on an interview!

What’s weird is I consider myself great at interviews. I get almost every job for which I score an interview. I call myself “great in the room – just get me in the room. I’ll get the job.” And most of the time that really does happen.

Employers commend me for my demeanor! I’ve been called “adorable,” “fun,” “a light in the office,” “a pleasure to have around.” I do not say those things to brag. I just say them because my perception is so off! If I’m getting jobs and people say I’m a great interviewee, and I’m getting all this positive reinforcement – then how is everything I know about myself wrong?

How is a skill I truly believe I have just totally not there?

I didn’t act any different in this interview than I do in others. I actually said in early job interviews, “I’m a little nervous.” (I don’t say that so much anymore, ’cause now that I’ve done so many, I’m generally less nervous.)

But back when I did say it, I’d make a semi-silly face with a big smile as I said it. I’d say it in a (hopefully) fun way, while I tried to befriend the interviewer… And it worked! It always worked!

It broke tensions. We had a little laugh. We talked about hobbies the interviewer had, and we moved on. So, if that’s what I always understood to happen in interviews… why wasn’t it happening here!?

And this is where I’ll pick up on Wednesday.

My First Ultramarathon?! – Part 21 (Finishing the Race (& Eating, Showering, and Such))

November 8, 2014

Aurora with messy hair and muddy neck after her Spartan trifecta-in-a-day 2014
A silly selfie before my shower to document one more time the mess I am after the race

Picking up from yesterday –

I came to the fire, and happily jumped over it one last time! Then I ran through the finish, and got my medal and my t-shirt ticket. (And I had my timing chip cut off.)

I went over to the merchandise area, turned in my tickets, and got my t-shirts. I’d learned from the last Spartan race that in Spartan shirts, I’m a small. (A small!) So, I got my 3 shirts.

It was perhaps a little silly to take all 3 (one of each race) when they were all the same. But I’m happy I did. They’re super comfortable. I wear them all the time. And this way, one is practically almost always clean.

I grabbed my bag from bag check. And I used the $5 merchandise credit for a patch. I don’t know where I’m gonna put the patch, but that’s a cool thing I love about Spartan – even though you have to pay to check your bag, you get to use that money toward merch. So, woo hoo!

Once I got to the car, I’d forgotten I’d packed that extra post-race bag. I was so pleased with myself for all my extra kind bars and a banana and those precious extra towels, along with sandals to change into – and a whole ‘nother clean outfit.

I didn’t know where the showers were. I didn’t even know if they were still running at that point. It was dark, late, and cold. I knew everybody wanted to go home. So even if showers were still running, I didn’t want to be the last runner taking up time and space.

So, I just ripped my clothes off by the car, hoping no one was really paying attention.

I toweled a bunch of mud off and changed into my clean clothes.

I thought about getting food on the way back to my dad’s house, but I decided I was more tired than hungry. So, I went straight back to where I was staying, jumped on a quick shower, then went to bed.

I thought I would sleep forever. I slept for 4 or 5 hours. I woke up starving! My dad is a very early riser, and it felt like I was a little girl all over again when I saw him and said, “Daaaaddy, can you please take me to buy some chips? I’m soooooo hungry.”

Technically, I’m obviously capable of driving myself. But I was tired and cranky and wanted Daddy to drive me. And he did. I then proceeded to eat a party size bag of chips within the next few hours.

Later, I ran all my laundry through at a laundromat (so as not to get my parent’s machines gunky)… (I did run the laundromat machines an extra cycle after my clothes were done to be respectful of their machines as well, though.) I also ran my own clothes through 3 times! Stuff was so dirty. It all got cleaner each time.

So there you have it. Clean clothes. A full stomach. A happy girl… An ultramarathoner!

I will give a final few thoughts soon.

My First Ultramarathon?! – Part 20 (A Few Last Things Wrapping It Up)

November 7, 2014

Aurora De Lucia giving a grrr face at the end of the Spartan trifecta-in-a-day 2014Picking up from last time –

As I got close to the end of the Sprint, I was elated.

I’d made it through rain and hail.

I totally forgot to mention it rained and hailed during the Super – as all of that was barely on my radar. All I could think was, “time, time, time, time. Oh, it’s hailing on me? Yeah, yeah, yeah. How long did that mile take?”

And not to over-dramatize it or anything. It was tiny hail. We were fine. We were cold. But we were fine.

While I’m going back to the stress of the Super, I have one more small story I forgot to put in there. I was going along and passing the barbed wire, getting down for my burpees, when this really nice woman who seemed to be some pretty in charge person was walking from the opposite direction checking in on people.

She looked at me and asked, “Are you doing the trifecta?” My heart practically stopped as I said, “Yes.” I was terrified she was going to say I’d missed some cutoff time or something and I’d have to make a huge scene begging for my life. I was also afraid she might say something about being disappointed about already burpee-ing out of things in only the 2nd race.

However, she just said, “Great job, Spartan.” The kindness in her voice was lovely. Since Spartans/Spartan Race people are super hardcore and all, I think I always expect them to be a little more judgmental than they actually are. Sure, they want to push themselves and others. But I’ve seemed to gather at these races that if you’re trying, people will not get on you about being too weak. They’ll just give you a boost and be supportive. It’s interesting.

Anyway, back into the Super. While, sure, those of us left were walking, that was not the case for some. Faster people had finished all three probably hours ahead of me. When I was on the Super, I saw some people on the Sprint.

So, surprise, surprise, I was not fast. However, I did it! (So, yay.)

Once I was coming up to those final mud obstacles, I actually thought this time around about just going in. At the end of the Super, there wasn’t enough time to get warm all over again. But at the end of the day, what did I care how cold I was? I was about to go in the car and warm up.

However, the choice was not mine to make. A volunteer was there to say it was too cold and too dangerous in the dark to be submerging in that water. I was kind of relieved not to be having to make any decisions at the end of such a tiring day.

Finally, I came to the fire – the precious, precious fire – the last obstacle of the race.

And this is where I’ll end tomorrow.

My First Ultramarathon?! – Part 19 (Getting Toward The End of the Sprint)

November 6, 2014

Aurora laughing at the finish line with the DJ from the Spartan triecta-in-a-day 2014Picking up from last time –

While it’s interesting to me to see how different obstacles felt different based on the day (and even time of day), I also find it interesting to see how other people deal with obstacles.

Of course, in my mind, there are obstacles that are very hard and very easy. But those opinions are not necessarily universal truths.

For instance, there’s this one obstacle with basically squares of, I don’t know what you call it, but there’s a picture of it in an earlier post.

I never think anything of that obstacle. In fact, I kind of like when it comes along because I just think “ah yes! The simplest thing! Very easy climbing with tons of places to put your hands and feet.”

But when I’d done it in the morning, there were a few people around me practically shaking with how nervous they were about it!

There were people who were sort of afraid of heights and just didn’t feel good about that obstacle. And I don’t know if it made it better or worse for them that during the Beast, the whole thing was filled (there was even a line behind us)!

(People were way more spread out later in the day.)

Anyway, I just find the differences between people and obstacles and all that jazz interesting.

Going toward the end, there was this area that was more open that the majority of the race. There weren’t really any trees around and you could see people around you – even if they weren’t close to you.

Once I got to that point in the Sprint, I was actually getting a bit of a second wind (a pleasant surprise). I was maybe ready to do some running (I mean, a teensy bit of very slow running, but still – I felt energized).

However, I was on a different energy schedule than people around me, as every person I saw was walking. I stopped a couple of times to talk with people in our last mile, before jogging (oh so slowly jogging) on. I didn’t care about my time, or getting to the finish line as quickly as possible.

There was still plenty of time to spare. I was going to finish something like half an hour before the cut off. So, I was just enjoying the moment and the people around me.

And this is where I’ll pick up tomorrow.

That Time I (Hopefully) Gave Away A Kidney – Part 44 (Getting Into My Medical Chart! – Finishing Out That Checklist)

November 5, 2014

Picking up from Sunday –

Under cognition, they clicked “noticeable impairment of:” Then they added in that space “denies impairments of memory, but inquires… ‘Why do you ask about memory?'” (That was after they’d asked me something like if I had a good memory.)

Just for the record, I wasn’t asking because I have a bad memory. I actually was asking because I get complimented a lot on my memory. I love being able to remember things. My memory is important to me. I hadn’t heard any specific risks when it came to memory, and I was just curious why they were asking the question – if the surgery could affect my memory, or just why that question came into play – if it’s anything I need to be concerned about.

And if anyone could’ve ever answered any of my questions with just simple straight answers instead of getting immediately defensive and answering back every question with a question, then perhaps some of this could’ve been avoided!

And if they were worried about my memory, why didn’t they just give me a memory test instead of asking me if I have a good memory? That would’ve been way more conclusive no matter what my answer had been.

In the mental status exam portion, they said my mood was euphoric. So, that’s interesting, I guess? I certainly didn’t freaking feel euphoric with them.

They also said “affect was inappropriate at times”?!

The dictionary says affect is “emotion or desire, esp. as influencing behavior or action.” They didn’t give any notes in that section. So, I don’t know why they thought my emotions or desires were inappropriate.

(Sure, I can be “inappropriate” sometimes (can’t we all? ;)), but I don’t think they meant in that way – and I certainly wasn’t inappropriate in that way in the interview.) The point is, I don’t know what’s going on in that section. Sigh. Moving on.

They also said my insight was fair. Well, at least I got a fair. That’s still not good. (I don’t know where fair falls on their little psych scale.) But I suppose it’s better than “poor,” which I assume is on there.)

Then there’s a bottom portion that says “phychosocial concerns.” And this is where I could tell that I don’t think they totally listened to me. It says, “Patient initially flew to Ohio because of a person she met on matchingdonors.com; however, she is not a match. Patient now unsure whether she would want to pursue paired exchange or non-direct donation.”

Let me tell you, patient is sure! Once I knew you could give to a stranger, I absolutely wanted to. I don’t want to pick the person! I am sure of that. So, I didn’t like that they made it sound like I was on the fence. I did adore that guy I was being tested for, but I’m sorry to say I can’t jump in a paired exchange with him. I’m letting fate and UNOS take me wherever I need to go…

They also mentioned “Patient describes situations that involve impulsive behavior.”
As far as I’m concerned, that doesn’t make me crazy or irresponsible. That makes me fun.

Another thing they said: “Patient has a history of job transitions in a short amount of time… endorsing a history of impulsive decision making.”

That is actually not impulsive decision making. That is just my industry. That is how my employment works. I work a show. We go on hiatus. I work another show. I’ve returned to future seasons of some shows. I’ve returned multiple times to the same companies for other shows, even if the show I started on ended.

It’s not like I never make my way back to working with the same people…. But working on a lot of different things doesn’t mean I’m impulsive. It means I work in entertainment… and thankfully, I actually work!

Finally she mentioned recommending getting a strong support system… yet again. Eesh.

This is where I’ll pick up Sunday.

My First Ultramarathon?! – Part 18 (Differences in Perceived Obstalce Toughness From Race to Race)

November 4, 2014

Aurora holding on to a wall, ringing a bell at night during the Spartan Ohio trifecta-in-a-day 2014
(I might look cool here, but I’m gonna ruin the magic and tell you I totally needed a boost on this wall.)

Picking up from last time –

The Sprint at night was so chill. Everything was easier.

Once we made it to the scary log area (where the girl had fallen earlier), the volunteer said we could try them if we wanted, or it was 5 burpees. Only 5, baby. The Sprint was basically like a vacation after the 25 miles and crazy obstacles of the first 2 races.

As we chilled along in the practically empty Sprint, we came up to a tall wall (I forget if it was the 7 or 10 foot) and made our way over it. Only after we got past it, did we realize there was only a green and blue flag on it – not a red one.

(The green signified Beast obstacles, blue signified Super, and red signified Sprint.) Then we patted ourselves on the back nicely, and said, “that’s a great bonus” – which made us feel better about the things we got to go easy on (the 5 burpees at the logs, etc.).

One thing that was interesting to me about this race was the difference between how well I did on certain obstacles in Temecula (CA) vs. Cumberland (OH). Also, there was even a difference between how well I did things on the Beast vs. Super vs. Sprint all in the same day.

In Temecula, I totally killed it on the obstacle where you used a rope to help you walk up a slanted wall. In Ohio, I almost made it, and yet, ended up burpeeing out (in all 3 races!). I still tried to be smart and remember “it’s only simple physics. Use your brain!” And yet, I just couldn’t get it together.

In Temecula, I could not do the Hercules Hoist by myself. In Ohio, I did it all by myself on the Beast and the Sprint. In the Super, I got it most of the way and a volunteer helped me the last bit.

She even said, “I thought you were gonna have it without me.” And I think in that race it was a little mind over matter. I obviously was strong enough to do it (as I did it two other times). I don’t know if I stressed myself out on the Super or felt more tired by that point, since I was trying to go a little faster in that race, or what.

But to be strong enough to do it, weak enough to need help, then strong enough to do it later in the same day was a bit weird.

I definitely did, in general, feel the struggle as the race went on. I was still able to do things. But even shorter walls got harder and my muscles just got tired of hoisting myself over stuff.

But even if I was tired, I was tired and stoked. So stoked. As you know, making it to the Sprint was the toughest part of the day. So those last 5.5 miles were basically just a celebration. (*dances*)

And this is where I’ll pick up next time.

My First Ultramarathon?! – Part 17 (A Wee Bit of a ‘Fraidy Cat Sometimes)

November 3, 2014

Aurora sort of in silhoutte working on making her way up a sloped wall at night during Spartan Ohio trifecta-in-a-day 2014Picking up from last time –

When I’d come to the net wall in the Beast, there’d been tons of people on it, and we were all trying to just get over. And after you got over, you then turned around and held tightly to keep it taut for whoever was behind you. And that just continued on and on with each passing person.

When I got there on the Super, I was alone. And the volunteer said the easiest way to do that obstacle was to climb up, then just flip over.

Uh, excuse me? I’m just gonna grab the top and flip my legs over in a little high-up somersault thing?

He was all, “yep.”

He offered to help guide me down (which he did).

It’s so funny when I have moments where I realize how super not cool and not fearless I am.

People tell me all the time that they think I’m fearless because I do races even if I don’t know anyone doing them, or because I’ll explore new areas alone, or because I’ll take trips or do semi-big things last minute (if it works out that way) because, why not?

And I always take this whole fearless idea as a lovely compliment that I appreciate. But anyone who thinks I’m fearless certainly hasn’t seen me around animals. And they also did not see me at this net wall thing with huge eyes over a little flip.

I think the reason I was afraid is because I don’t really believe in my upper body/core strength.

I’m so much stronger than I used to be, which is awesome. But I don’t know that I’m quite strong enough to be able to trust that I have perfect control when trying to flip my own body.

Granted, the net wasn’t all that high. Even if I’d fallen, what was the worst case scenario?

Of course, I did see that girl fall off a second log thing earlier in the race (that wasn’t super high up), but she fell with gusto and the loudness of that thump hurt – just hearing the sound stung. (Ow!) So I can only imagine the headache and bruises she had. (Oof. I hope she’s okay…)

I guess the moral of the story (as we actually already learned with the logs over water story, so you probably didn’t need this extra one) is I’m a big ‘fraidy cat who needs to work harder on living up to her labels of “fearless.”

Back to the Sprint, we did indeed flip over again (and I did indeed have someone ease me around as I did it).

And I’ll pick up with more of the Sprint next time.

That Time I (Hopefully) Gave Away A Kidney – Part 43 (Getting Into My Medical Chart! – First, The Checklist)

November 2, 2014

Picking up from Wednesday –

During the course of this story, I’ve mainly been talking about how I perceived what the medical professionals must be thinking of me. But now since I got my medical chart, what say you we go through it together?

First up, we have the nephrologist’s report. Nothing to write home about here. It basically says, ‘healthy white female seems genuinely interested in being a living kidney donor. She understands the risks, wishes to proceed, and I see no medical reason why she shouldn’t.’

We’ve got some papers with tons of numbers about blood pressure, blood tests, and all that jazz. (Oh so many papers. Oh so many tests.) Everything looks lovely on that.

As far as the paper on the chest x-ray, everything looks beautiful (except “3 sternotomy wires are noted in place.” It’s fine that they’re there, but you know, they can see them…)

CT angio looks great. My kidneys are about 11 x 5 centimeters, in case you’re curious.

And now, the moment we’ve been waiting for… What did the psychologist and the social worker say?

First, there’s a little check list. The second thing on the check list is “presentation.” And they check the line marked “alone.” Then they put an explanation by it!  (They say I didn’t want my dad to take off work.)

That is true that I wouldn’t have wanted him to take a day off work, so that’s what I said on the spot when confronted about it. However, it didn’t even occur to me to ask him to come. No one told me to bring someone! How was I supposed to know?

I didn’t know I was going to get dinged because I didn’t want to drag someone to a day full of tests and interviews where he would’ve sat around and done nothing. Why would it have dawned on me to bring someone?

If it was that important to them that I show I have people in my life, why didn’t they let me know? I’m sure I could’ve brought someone had anybody mentioned at any time that bringing someone was important.

In the employment section, it says “patient is currently unemployed; previously worked as an assistant editor for a television show.” While I agree that that is a truthful statement, it’s not like “oh, at one time I worked and now I’m out of a job with no prospects.” This is my life. I work. Then I don’t. Then I do. Then I don’t. There’s always another job on the horizon.

I know I’m being a little too sensitive about how they phrased it, but because they kind of gave me a hard time about it, I am sensitive about it.

And we will get into oh so much more next Wednesday.

My First Ultramarathon?! – Part 16 (Starting the Precious, Precious Sprint)

November 1, 2014

Aurora, at night, with her back to the camera, aiming at the Spear Throw at the Spartan Ohio trifecta-in-a-day 2014Picking up from last time –

Once I started the Sprint course, this incredible, lovely, wonderful calm fell over me. With only 5.5 miles to go, and 3 hours to do it in, I was golden!

I found a friend along the route, and we did most of the race together. He does Spartan Races all the time. I didn’t even know there was a Spartan yearly pass until he mentioned it. We had a grand ol’ time on the course.

The Sprint had the least amount of time through the woody woods (and more time out in open areas). In the first two races, of course we ran by the Sprint turnoff both times. It always seemed to come oh so early. And this time – we got to take it!

At a place where all 3 courses intersected, there was this area where you could choose to go right or left. (I hear that’s a thing in most Spartan Races.)

On the Beast, I went right. I figured one thing that would be nice about doing the course multiple times is that I could try each side at least once. Well, apparently the right side was the “right” side, ’cause we didn’t have to do anything! Everyone on the left had to burpee along.

On the Super, I think a super cool person would’ve gone left no matter what left and right brought you – as the point would be to try everything you could out on that course.

Aurora about to throw a spear at the Spartain Ohio trifecta-in-a-day 2014Alas, when I got there on the Super, yet again, I was concerned with saving time. (I always had to save time!) So, I took the wussy (smart?) way and went through the no-burpee area… Though, I do think that area may have been longer… But easier. So, I dunno what the technically “correct” decision was.

And on the Sprint, once we got there, there was no choice anymore. Everybody went left – but they cut the burpees. I’m sure if we’d really, really wanted to, we could’ve gotten down and done some burpees. But when the volunteer said, “No burpees on this one, just go through,” I was all about it.

Later, as we kept moving through the woods, there was this kind of net thing that was hung up the way a wall would be. And you had to climb over it. For some reason, this surprised me every time. I was always hitting some kind of stride when I noticed – agh! That net wall again.

And I’ll pick up with the net wall next time.

My First Ultramarathon?! – Part 15 (Finishing the Super, Starting the Sprint)

October 31, 2014

Aurora jumping over fire at the Spartan Ohio Trifecta-in-a-day 2014
(from the Super)

Picking up from last time –

As I started to get closer to the end of the Super, the 6 o’clock hour started to tick away, and I was pretty terrified.

When I got to the end, I elected to skip any obstacles with mud. I did not want to be freezing cold again as it was getting later in the day. I did not go in the gauntlet, or submerge myself under the wall as I did at the end of the Beast.

As I got down for some burpees before going to the finish line, one of the volunteers said, “I don’t fault anyone for doing whatever you need to at this point.”

That person was trying to be nice by telling me everything was totally cool and fine with not getting back in the mud. But of course I took it as, “ugh. I’m being pitied. That sucks! But I also didn’t pull a usual Aurora who’d think, “I’m not weak. I can do it!” – and then would most likely proceed to promptly turn around and get in the mud.

Nope, at this time I was exhausted (and semi-logical) Aurora who accepted that pity, did some burpees, and then went jumping over fire.

I made my way through the finish chute as quickly as I could – getting my timing chip cut off, grabbing another ticket for another shirt, and then running for my life over to the bag check area.

Aurora jumping over fire at the end of the Beast at Spartan Ohio trifecta-in-a-day 2014
(from the Beast)

That’s where I saw a sight that tickled me, and was one of my happiest moments of the day. By this point, it was about 6:20pm. We had 10 minutes! So, everyone was running over to bag check while just yelling out their last name (to get their next bib). It was hilarious.

Those 8 or so minutes I spent in gear check were so interesting to me – watching everyone hurriedly get ready.

People were shaking as we were trying to put the band through our timing chips. Thankfully, the nice volunteers helped us with that and said they’d basically become pros at it throughout the day.

Every person who walked up to the booth after I got there opened with, “What time is it?!” And volunteers patiently answered, “5 minutes to spare,” “2 minutes to spare,” etc.

I didn’t see anyone turned away, ’cause I was out of there just before 6:30.

As I was pinning my bib to my shirt, one person looked at me and sort of incredulously asked, “What are you doing?!”

Aurora in the dark about to jump over some fire at the Spartan trifecta-in-a-day 2014
(from the Sprint)

I said I was putting on my bib, but was told that was basically a fool’s errand because bibs so frequently tear off. If you have your chip and your headband don’t waste your time with safety pins. It’s 6:25. Who has time for safety pins?!

That was some solid logic, but alas, my bib was already on. I then grabbed my glow bracelets, and realized I had no idea how to put them on. A spectator tried to help me get them over my hands – when we realized on accident that if you pulled hard, they came apart then snapped back together. Yay for teamwork (and happy accidents).

With barely any time to spare, I ran through the start – yelling out my catchphrase, “Let’s do it again!” as I ran past the DJ, giving him a high-5. And I’ll pick up with the Sprint next time.

My First Ultramarathon?! – Part 14 (My Last Time-Wasting Decisions In The Super)

October 30, 2014

Aurora at the top of a mesh-y climb thing at Spartan Ohio trifecta-in-a-day 2014
I’m running out of daytime pictures. So have a night picture from the Sprint (coming up soon)

Picking up from last time –

The only other place I can think of where I really kind of wasted time – though it wasn’t necessarily a waste, because it was helping people (so if nothing else, at least we can call it my least heinous waste of time) – was at this other log balance thing.

I know I just talked about walking over logs length-wise on water, and now I’m talking about more balancing on logs. So, I really need to learn what these obstacles are called. But in the one I’m talking about now, there are little logs (I don’t think any were higher than 2 feet) coming up from the ground. They were all different heights and you had to balance as you walked across a line of them from one end to another.

Most people paired up on this so you had some one to lean on a bit as you made your way down the line of logs.

At this point in the Super, I’d started hanging out with a group of guys who’d also done the Beast. Once we got to the logs, we split off into teams and tackled the logs. Then we saw some individual racers coming, so we helped them. And as I thought we were about to leave, we saw another individual person come, and proceeded to help her too.

Now, on the one hand, I was so happy to be able to help people, ’cause I’d gotten boosts in the race. I love the community feeling of a Spartan Race, and I get excited when I can help people (as I’m not necessarily strong enough to help at every obstacle – but I certainly am at some!).

However, once we were to this point in the race (and I’d already totally wasted my time on that ridiculous walking around the lake business – which I was continuing to pay for with the stress I was feeling here), I just didn’t totally have the time to help people. I did it anyway, figuring, “what another minute?” (Though I still of course felt the stress, as I knew every minute counted.)

I also assumed that those 3 guys I was with must also be watching the time, as we all had to do the Sprint, right?

Nope. They were only doing the first two races. I learned that soon after this little row of logs thing, and they sent me off with their blessing, and I took off on a faster pace to try to make up some ground.

And I’ll pick up here next time.

That Time I (Hopefully) Gave Away A Kidney – Part 42 (Some of “The Aftermath” – Part 2 (Hearing About Surgeries From People In My Group))

October 29, 2014

Picking up from last time –

First a small thing that was bothersome – I felt like after I got my rejection, I was constantly seeing commercials for Donate Life. And there was a little part of me who wanted to jump through the TV every time I saw one! I’d think, “I’m trying here! I’m trying so hard.”

I know those commercials are just commercials, but it felt like this whole thing was being totally rubbed in my face every time I saw one (which seemed to be all the time…).

Another things that was sort of hard for me was hearing the stories of the people I’d met at Big Kidney Day. I kept in touch with two of them. And I was so happy they got to give their kidneys. Really. I’m wildly happy for them that it worked out.

But just because I’m happy for them doesn’t make it any easier to hear about how it was such an incredible, enlightening, amazing experience. They talked about the recovery not being bad at all, and the rewards being plentiful – feeling amazing and loving seeing the improved life of the donee.

All of that news is so wonderful! And it makes me believe even harder in kidney donation. But gee, was it a bit hard to hear – especially when I was hearing some of it while I was still in my mandatory 3-month “cool down” period – and they were giving kidneys.

I don’t want to sound selfish or needy, but there was a part of me that felt a little left behind and “why am I not good enough, but these people are?”

I’m sorry I’m maybe not explaining it well. But it was a little tough. That’s all.

Next time, we’ll get into my medical chart!

My First Ultramarathon?! – Part 13 (Continuing To Be Pretty Much a Total Mess During the Super)

October 28, 2014

Aurora's bruised legs after the Spartan Trifecta-in-a-day Obstacle Mud Run 2014
just showing off some post-race bruises on my legs

Picking up from last time –

After some burpees, I made my way out of the obstacle area, and tried to maneuver through the woods – around trees, and random drops, and more of that crazy, sticky mud.

I thought to myself, “Yes! This is all coming back to me. I knew we maneuvered through the woods and mud. Where in the world are all those people going who got to just stay on the path?”

And nearly as soon as I thought it, my time in the woods was over. It was such a short little trip. And where were we let out of the woods? Ah yes. You most likely guessed – right back out on that path (where we then went to woods on the other side of it)!

I don’t even want to estimate/think about/(obsess over) how much time I squandered with all that – too much! That’s how much. *shakes head at self*

I guess the lessons here are possibly – always listen, actually listen, and ask questions if you feel you heard something wrong. Also, maybe I should be a little more aware of my surroundings, and a little better with my internal map, by golly! If I’d remembered everything I’d done from that morning, I would’ve remembered we were back on the path in no time – and would’ve been less likely to doubt what I’d heard.

Alas, since we still haven’t figured out time travel (to go back and just take the path), the only thing I could do that at point was is pay the price for that dumb mistake later in the race. One of the big prices for me was burpeeing out of the barbed wire crawl – which made me super sad, because even though I’m always mentioning angry people in the barbed wire crawl, it’s still may favorite obstacle.

There’s just something about crawling around in the mud under this dangerous wire that feels powerful, yet playful and fun, all at the same time.

There were two in the race – one just for Beast & Super racers. And one for racers of all 3 (though that was shorter). So, in total, I still got to crawl under barbed wire 4 times (as I would’ve done it 5 had I gotten to do the first one in the super as well). So, I got a lot of barbed wire crawling – just not as much as I could’ve had!

There were some other places where ultimately, I was probably going to lose some time, but thankfully volunteers saved me from myself. I kind of got in this mind-space of, “Forget everything! Always do burpees. There is no time!”

Of course, sometimes it was obviously time beneficial to do the obstacle – for instance on the 7 foot wall. It looked high. I thought, “It’s gonna take me forever to find my footing and my strength.” But a volunteer gave me a boost and I was over in less than a minute. So, thank goodness for the amazing volunteers.

And I’ll finish up with the rest of the Super next time.

My First Ultramarathon?! – Part 12 (Making An Even Worse Decision On That Log Over Water Balance Obstacle During the Super)

October 27, 2014

Aurora De Lucia making a yelling face while at the Spartan Ohio trifecta-in-a-day 2014
Since I’m sure you’re jonesing for more photos of the Hercules Hoist, since you’ve only seen 8 million them… 😛 I’m here to serve. 🙂

Picking up from last time –

As I got closer to the log balancing thing (I wish I knew what it was actually called, sorry) the second time around, I started to think about the obstacles ahead of me and how I was going to tackle them.

I figured that once I got to the water, I would just walk around the lake, and go straight to the burpee area – because I didn’t think I had enough time to crawl over the log again. (Plus, when crawling, your shins do touch the water, and I wanted to get as not-wet as possible. (I would just say stay as dry as possible, but I wasn’t dry. I didn’t know if any of us would ever be dry again…)

My lame and somewhat irrational fears about walking on the log still existed. So, if I couldn’t walk, and I couldn’t crawl, I’d just walk around and do some burpees.

Well, here’s where the idiotic part came in. Here’s the scene. We’re walking along this long pathway between two forest-y areas. On the left is the log and water and such.

So, I start going in that way to check out how I’m going to walk around this lake-like thing (instead of over it). Just a bit in the distance (at the actual obstacle), I hear the volunteer telling people they can either try again to walk over the logs, or their free to just keep walking forward…

Then I just assume I can’t possibly be hearing him right. How can they go forward? ‘Cause once we get around the lake-like structure, we walk through the forest… I remembered going through the forest, didn’t I? Isn’t that next?

Aurora on the ground at the Hercules Hoist in the Spartan Ohio Trifecta-in-a-day 2014
…and here I am lying down – changing it up!

Believing I was making up dream scenarios in my head, instead of actually hearing him in the distance correctly, I kept trying to make my way around the lake – instead of thinking I could just go forward on the path.

Going around the lake proved to be way more difficult than I anticipated. I kept sinking into this weird sticky, melt-y, gooey mud. It was incredibly hard to walk through! And I pretty much felt as though I was watching my life flash before my eyes, as I thought about how much freaking time I was wasting!

At this rate, it would’ve been better to just go across the log – water touching my legs or not, who cares? I’m going to get stuck in this quicksand-y mud and die out here.

Sure enough, once I made it to the burpee area, I saw happy people continuing along the path instead of venturing off into the woods. The volunteer seemed to sort of be giving me a “what are you doing out there?” kind of look (as I was tripping all over myself, barely staying upright in that treacherous terrain). (Of course, I may have been imagining that look, as that’s how my own brain was looking at me.)

So what would’ve happened had I just stayed on the path (besides saving at least 10 precious minutes (though it felt like, and possibly was, so many more)?) We’ll get into that next time.

That Time I (Hopefully) Gave Away A Kidney – Part 41 (Some of “The Aftermath” – Part 1 (Matching Donors Reminders))

October 26, 2014

Picking up from last time –

I put “the aftermath” in quotes in the title because this whole thing really isn’t over yet. Is the eye of a storm the aftermath of it? But, this is the aftermath to kind of the first chunk of it all.

There were some various things that were hard for me to deal with after the first rejection.

I continued getting emails from MatchingDonors.org. I tried unsubscribing yet it proved unsuccessful. (You know those lists you get on and you feel like you’re never gonna get off of? :-P)

I was even called once to ask if I’d get tested to see if I were a match for someone. On the phone, I said, “Thank you for your call, but I’m really no longer interested in going through MatchingDonors. Can you please take me off the list?”

I haven’t gotten any more phone calls, but the emails still come sometimes. At this point, I’m not even worrying about how to more successfully unsubscribe, because I almost like getting them to remind me of my anger. I don’t (at all) want to be an angry person. But I do want to be a driven person fighting for what I believe is right. And my fight to give a kidney will not end until I have donated one.

I don’t really need reminders of how important this is to me. It lives with me every day. But I don’t mind getting those emails – just to give me a little extra push.

So anyway, these emails! Oh the emails.

They pick out a specific O positive person who’s looking for a kidney, talk about them a little and ask me to get tested since I could be a match. And the people in different emails are from all over the country. The emails state the all of my travel and everything would be paid for.

Sometimes I just want to break down and say, “it seems as though things would be so much easier through this site!” I don’t know if they would be or not, but my perception is that hospitals are partnering with MatchingDonors, and the hospitals perhaps actually want to help. And maybe if I had this company (MatchingDonors) fighting for me, my journey would be easier? I have no idea!

But there’s definitely a part of me that says, “this seems simpler, cheaper, and easier.” But there’s a bigger, louder part of me that says, “You cannot just decide whose life is worth more than another’s. You just do not want to do that. You have to go the blind route so it’s given to whoever has the highest need.”

(Plus perception is so often wrong. From the outside looking in, it seems like things have to be easier with this big company which seems to have ties to tons of hospitals, but maybe it’s just as hard. Heck, it could be harder! I don’t know.

I do know there were a couple of other rough things to deal with. And I’ll get to those next time.

My First Ultramarathon?! – Part 11 (Making Bad Decisions On That Log Over Water Balance Obstacle During the Beast)

October 25, 2014

Aurora walking away from the Hercules Hoist in a celebratory manner at the Spartan trifecta-in-a-day 2014Picking up from last time –

I like to believe I’m logical and smart, but there are choices I made during the Super that would lead you to believe those words are not true modifiers of me.

For one thing, I really wasted time in some areas, which made me way more stressed in others. The biggest glaring example of this was at the area of water where we were supposed to balance on logs to walk over the water to the other side.

I actually did this one wrong both times I saw it – in the Beast and in the Super.

During the Beast, I decided to sit down on the log, and crawl from one side to another instead of just walking. I know you’re technically allowed to get across in whatever way makes sense, and that sometimes obstacles are about brains more than about strength or balance/agility. But sometimes they are about balance and agility!

I think I have good balance. And I believe in my ability to balance. But I also don’t know how to swim. And I was also slightly nervous that the logs were close enough together that if I were to fall off, I could hit my head and break my neck and be paralyzed. (I thought the chance of that happening was incredibly, wildly small… But you know. Still.)

More so than that almost entirely irrational fear, I was afraid of something much more real. The volunteer who was running that section warned us all that lots of people were losing shoes in the water.

Since I can’t swim, if I lost my show in the water, it was all over for me. (I mean, not all over, obviously. It’s not over ’til it’s over.) If I’d lost a shoe, I would’ve just gone on shoe-less. I hadn’t brought extra shoes (which actually may have been smart, though it would’ve been pretty wasteful since after every mud run thus far, I’ve gotten rid of the shoes I used).

Even though I didn’t have shoes with me, I could’ve technically bought some at the merchandise table between races – if there was available time. But I was always counting on not having any extra time. And I didn’t want to do something like half the Beast (or who even knew, really, at that point, how many miles I had left?) without a shoe – in the mud. That sounded pretty terrible.

So, I totally took the wussy way out, and just crawled across the log.

Well, the second time (when I came through on the super) I made an even worse decision!

And we’ll get to that next time.

 

My First Ultramarathon?! – Part 10 (Forget It, Let’s Just Burpee Out Of A Lot Of This)

October 24, 2014

Aurora gently letting down the bag from the Hercules HoistPicking up from last time –

So, I was stressed to say the least. I started the race with the intention of continuing to do as many obstacles as I could, just as I’d done in the Beast.

The volunteers were a lot more lax as the day went on. I’m thinking it was ’cause they wanted to be kind as we made our way to the same things over again (only this time with more mileage under out feet). They also probably were being so lax because of the temperature, and racers getting cold and such.

When I’d gone to gear check to change from the Beast to the Super, I heard people saying, “I’m done. Just give me my bag.” People were cold, and tired, and quitting. So, I think the volunteers were sort of like, “Good on ya for just getting out here again. Do whatever you want.”

Early in the race, there was this thing where we waded through waist-deep mud, climbed out onto a little mound of mud, and then did that again two more times.

Because it was so cold, and everyone was already wet from their first race, the volunteers were all, “You can skip this if you want.”

Of course in my whole, “no, I am so in this” attitude, I got in the mud anyway. As I shuffled along while trying to run with my sopping pants, I realized it maybe wasn’t the greatest idea to get in the mud. It was cloudy. So, the sun wasn’t going to be drying me off anytime soon. And I’d just spent almost half an hour getting warm – just to undo everything. Aye, aye, aye. Good job, Aurora.

As much as I didn’t want to do it, because it felt like a lame way out, I totally burpeed out of anything that was long. Carrying gravel in a bucket? I think it’s doable, but it takes too much time to fill that bucket and walk around. Get down for some burpees.

Throughout the day and night, my burpees were getting less and less burpee-like and more like stepping one foot back at a time, and not getting totally into a plank, but more like a very low downward dog… Also, as everyone got so lax as time went on and on and on, it’s possible I may not have been totally counting exactly 30 every time. There was even an instance where someone running with me asked “how many more do you have?” And he took 10 for me. (Thank you, sir!)

I felt kinda lame and kinda weak when I saw people giving their all in the longer obstacles and I went by them like, “no thanks!” I know Spartan races are full of supportive people. So, I don’t think anyone was working to make me feel that way – but I certainly put it on myself.

[Sigh.]

And this where I’ll pick up next time.

 

My First Ultramarathon?! – Part 9 (Stress During the Super)

October 23, 2014

Aurora De Lucia climbing over a wall at the Spartan trifecta-in-a-day Ohio 2014Picking up from last time –

I excitedly started the Super as I ran past the DJ saying, “Let’s do it again!” (This became my catchphrase at the start… I don’t know if you’re allowed to say you have a catchphrase if you only say it twice… But I said it with heart. I think it counts if I declare it does, and I am.)

During the Beast, I was taking time to let me brain over-think everything in my life (as I often do with long runs/walks). I love getting out all those analytical and tiring thoughts – tiring out my brain with my body.

During the Super, I mainly just lived in stress sloshing all around in my brain. I kept doing math of miles, and how many more there were to go, and how my pacing was going, and the difference between what I expected and what I got – and on and on and on.

I obsessively checked the time at every mile marker to see that I was still on pace to finish on time.

As I speed-walked through the forest, I thought, “what if somehow I don’t make it in time?! How will I ever possibly explain this to everyone on social media/my blog?! This will be the most embarrassing shame I will ever have to live with. This will be worse than getting silver instead of gold in the math pentathalon in 3rd grade (which I will never get over ’til my dying day)! I am Aurora De Lucia. I do not DNF.”

Aurora climbing over a wall at Spartan Ohio trifecta-in-a-day 2014Then there was this tiny part of me that sort of started trying to justify it all to myself. “Well, I thought I was going to do about 12 + 8 + 3. So, 23ish (maybe up to 25 point something, if each race had a lot of extra tenths of miles thrown in to that uncertain zone of the ‘+’ at the end of the mileage listed on the website)…

Now that the Beast is over 14 and the super’s over 11, even if I just finish these 2, I’m already at 25 (more than 25)! That’s already what I thought I was going to be doing today. Even if I can’t get to the Sprint, can I consider that a victory?”

Of course, then the logical part of me quieted down that weak part of me. Ooooobviously that would not be okay. I didn’t tell myself and the world I was going to do a 25 mile course. I said I was going to do the trifecta-in-a-day – which was exactly what I planned on doing.

So, let’s make it happen. I’ll pick up here next time.

 

That Time I (Hopefully) Gave Away A Kidney – Part 40 (You Know Who Else Should Be Livid?)

October 22, 2014

Picking up from last time –

Of course the people who should be the most angry are the ones personally and deeply affected. And I’m aware that money is in no way as important as human life. However, while we are talking about people who should be so mad…

You know who else should be angry? Whoever is paying for all these tests! They did thousands of dollars in tests in me. I had x-rays. I had a CT angio with contrast. I saw doctors. I had blood draws. Those things are not cheap.

When you’re trying to be a kidney donor, you don’t pay for anything. They didn’t even take my insurance card. It was all free to me. So who’s paying? Is the hospital? Are patients eating that cost? Are people eating that cost in insurance premiums? Is it tax payers?

My understanding is that if you’re getting tested for a specific person, the tests are covered through that person’s insurance. But when you give to a stranger, who’s paying, then? And why was that money wasted?

Why didn’t they think to perhaps do the easier (and I’d assume less expensive) things, such as the interview, first? How do they decide the order that makes sense to go in?

All I know is somewhere along the lines, someone, somewhere lost a lot money. And that’s another thing to get upset about.

And while we’re already on this roll of being upset, let’s talk a bit about the aftermath (or the aftermath thus far) next time.

My First Ultramarathon?! – Part 8 (Timings, Timings, Timings)

October 21, 2014

Aurora getting up from the Hercules Hoist at Spartan Ohio 2014
Sorry, I have a lot of photos of the Hercules Hoist. So here’s another one!

Picking up from last time –

Let’s talk about cutoffs.

You had to pick up your bib for the Super by 3pm, and cross the start at 3:15pm. You had to pick up your bib for the Sprint by 6:30pm, and cross the start by 6:45pm.

I knew I’d be fine to be finished with the Beast by 3pm – that part I wasn’t worried about. But finishing another (originally thought to be 8 but actually) 11 miles in 3 1/2 hours – that worried me.

If it were a straight running event, sure, no worries. Even with the miles from the morning, that still should be great and totally doable. But with obstacles, in *dramatic voice* the woods, with the mud and all that jazz – I don’t know! At my level of fitness (and trail capability), I think it sounds tough.

So, the tentative goal I set in my head was to be finished with my Beast around 1:15 or 1:20. I’d love to start my Super by 1:30. (That totally didn’t happen.) That was the reaching goal, but I also had a “uh, I better freaking do this” goal of starting the Super course at 2:30 – which is pretty much exactly when I started.

1:30 came and went. 1:45 came and went. Finally, I rocked out my finish a little before 2. I was hoping I’d get on the course in 10 minutes. That also totally didn’t happen, as I spent way more time changing and warming up than I expected. I kept thinking I’d be warm enough, leaving the fire, and then turning right back around to that fire to warm myself some more.

Once two thirty was rolling around, I had no choice. I ran to the start.

Part of the reason I was so cold was a lack of gloves and socks. As I mentioned, I thought I’d brought more than enough clothing. …And I was incorrect.

What I hadn’t thought about was that my gloves were going to be totally done for after the first race. I had to take them off to change, and I so could not get them back on. Toweling them off, warming them by the fire – none of that helped. It was all over for the gloves.

I’d also brought 4 pairs of socks – thinking one for each race, plus an extra pair if anything happened. So, I’d be golden. Not so much, because I totally layered on 3 pairs before I even started, since I was cold in the morning. (And I lost some socks in the whole shoes falling off in the woods thing.) So, so much for all that.

But I was getting through. And it was time to start the Super, which is where I’ll start next time.

My First Ultramarathon?! – Part 7 (Finishing the Beast)

October 20, 2014

Aurora De Lucia covered in mud finishing the Spartan Beast Ohio 2014Picking up from last time –

Eventually, I made it around to the final obstacles.

(In the process, I learned the other races were over 11 miles and over 5 miles long. So, I knew what was coming my way.)

Toward the end, we got to submerge in mud under a wall. Then, burpeed some, instead of trying to climb straight up a rope (like they do in old school gym class). ‘Cause that ain’t happening (yet, at least).

Then, we went into this thing called the Gauntlet. That’s an obstacle I don’t understand. There are bags (punching bags, I guess?) hanging over mud that we wade through.

I don’t know if maybe earlier in the day, someone pushes them to set as many moving as possible, or if maybe we’re supposed to set them moving to challenge other competitors… All I know is every time I’ve seen it/gone through it, the bags are still, and we just walk through the mud. So, I don’t get it. But there’s that one.

Then, in true Spartan Fashion, we got to jump over fire. Yee-haw.

After the Beast, they cut off my timing chip (as they always do – since trifecta runners got new chips before their next races). They handed me a ticket for a shirt – which I held onto, but didn’t grab right away, ’cause I didn’t have time to get a shirt!

I ran over to bag check, and got my stuff for the Super.

I knew I didn’t really have any extra time available to me, but because I was totally covered in mud (and cold), I grabbed a change of clothes and ran to a porta potty to change. I was shivering the whole time I was changing. But I just kept thinking if I changed clothes, I’d be warmer.

I did keep my same sports bra and under armor base layer through all 3 races. I don’t know if that was a bad or okay decision. But I didn’t bring enough under-layers to keep changing those out! And I was oh so wet that I think it would’ve been hard to change those layer – though maybe worthwhile? I dunno what was optimal, but I know what I did worked. So, I guess that’s all that matters.

I’d brought 3 towels with me to get through the day – one for each race. Little did I know, that would so not be enough. I was so muddy, I could’ve done with 2 (maybe even 3!) towels per race. But still, I made it through with 1 per race. After all, I had no choice but to make it work with what I brought, right?

After I changed, I ran my stuff back to bag check… and I was so much colder than I anticipated. Thankfully, there were fires around that had been set up. So, I went to warm up at one of those. And this is where I’ll pick up next time.

That Time I (Hopefully) Gave Away A Kidney – Part 39 (If I Needed a Kidney, I’d Be LIVID)

October 19, 2014

Picking up from last time –

Obviously, I’m mad. This whole thing was pretty wildly upsetting to me. But I can’t even begin to imagine the amount of anger I’d feel if either I needed a kidney, or someone very close to me needed a kidney.

But no matter how much I care about people in general, or the idea of human life – I will not pretend that I can feel quite the same amount of anger as someone whose son (or whose anyone they deeply care) is on the transplant list.

I do not have the same personal, visceral upset-ness that someone who is lying in hospital bed waiting for a kidney would.

I try to imagine myself in their shoes for a minute, and I just think, “How angry would I be?!” I don’t even know what kind of mix of anger and disbelief and sadness I’d have.

But I had no idea that this process would be made to be so hard for someone to give a kidney, and I think it’s possible that other people don’t know either.

When I got my rejection, part of me desperately wanted to say to them, “Okay. Go upstairs and tell someone – tell a family whose person is barely hanging on that that person doesn’t get a kidney, because I’m too much of a free spirit, or I’m not afraid enough, or you didn’t like me, or whatever basically crap reason (yeah, I said it!) you’re giving here. Go tell them! And let me know how that goes over.”

I don’t want people to get angry. I know it’s not a great emotion… But I do want people to get justice! …And sometimes justice is born of a mix of anger and disbelief. I will become a living kidney donor. So, at some point, I will do my part, and I suppose my “personal justice” or however you want to think about it will be gotten.

It’ll be for a different person than it could’ve been. It’ll be at a different time than it could’ve been (and I don’t know if it can be quantified as ‘good’ or ‘bad,’ as for the person who gets, it will be good to them that it didn’t work out for me the first time… but sadly, in the meantime, someone died while waiting. So obviously that was horrific for them – it’s all just so wrought with so much emotion everywhere for many people…).

But for me, it will happen.

However, how many people get clogged up in the system over stuff like this? How many people give up after something like this? This process has certainly made me oh so curious… (But maybe other people have a simpler time and I’m just a weirdo. Possible! But there’s no way I’m a one and only one time outlier, I wouldn’t think.)

Next time, I’ll pick up with one more group of people who I believe should be totally livid.

My First Ultramarathon?! – Part 6 (The Scariest Obstacle In The Beast)

October 18, 2014

Aurora hanging off the back of the wall at Spartan Beast 2014Picking up from last time –

I don’t know what this obstacle’s called, but basically, there’s a log close to the ground that you step up on. Then you have to go to a log that’s higher up and farther away. It’s not close enough to you to just reach out and land on it. You have to use momentum and jump.

And then if somehow you make it to that middle level, you have to go up yet another one to a log that’s even higher up (I’m thinking 7 feet or more, since that last one is taller than everyone I saw there). Yet again, you have to use momentum!

On top of it all, these logs are sort of wet from all the mud (and from some rain).

I saw a woman try to jump from one to another. Her momentum either didn’t get her quite all the way there, or maybe it worked against her if it was too much that sent her forward and back… Either way, whatever happened, she fell backward and landed on the ground.

It made a huge thump when we heard her body and/or head just totally hit the ground.

I thought it was scary. Almost immediately, someone yelled out, “She’s fine! She’s fine! She just got the air knocked out of her.”

Uh, how do you know that, sir? I haven’t heard her speak or seen her get up yet. Is she fine?

Thankfully, she did get up. But it was still scary and jarring.

I ended up having two guys helping, letting me step on them between logs.

The night before the race, even though I planned my sleeping schedule pretty well, and left myself plenty of time to sleep… I just kept staying up. I think I was maybe slightly nervous about this whole trifecta-in-a-day thing. Or maybe I just wasn’t totally on Ohio time yet. Whatever the case, I just got a couple of hours of sleep – and I could totally tell it in this obstacle.

I was shaking a bit, and I think my voice sounded kinda whiny as I was all, “Are you sure I’m not hurting you?” “Are you sure you’ve got me?” …

You know how you get a little less rational and a little more emotional when your tired? I tried not to be that way in general during the race, but I totally felt it here!

Even sounding a little whiny, and being a little too scared, the guys were so helpful and patient, and I made it on to the next obstacles.

And this is where I’ll pick up next time.

My First Ultramarathon?! – Part 5 (The Beast Continues – Some More Obstacles)

October 17, 2014

Aurora carrying a bucket of rocks at Spartan Beast Ohio
You can tell I didn’t realize there was a camera there, as the struggle is oh so real 😛

Picking up from last time –

There were some obstacles that surprised me. There was this one where we had to pick up a heavy log and a lighter log, and carry them around a little extra trail.

I’d gotten kind of used to the idea of guys and girls having different weights in obstacles that involved carrying or lifting. But alas, no. We all grabbed from the same pile. This should be empowering, but it made me a little nervous.

I asked if we didn’t think we could handle the weight if we could burpee out of this one. And the volunteer said no. No? I thought we could burpee out of any obstacle we wanted.

(I mean, I think technically you can do whatever you want, as I met another racer later who’d talked about burpee-ing out of things you technically weren’t supposed to because he didn’t feel he had the time for them, while trying to get in the whole trifecta-in-a-day.)

Things got a little lax later in the day, but during The Beast, I tried to follow all the rules to a T. So, I picked up my heavy and light log and made my way around the little trail. I know we probably should just totally believe in ourselves and not be pleasantly surprised when we can do something simple such as carry logs around – but I was, nonetheless.

And I was really happy the volunteer said I couldn’t burpee out of that, because it allowed me to surprise myself, which was awesome!

In true Spartan fashion, at every obstacle, people were helping each other, giving each other boosts and that sort of thing. But dum, dum dum (*scary chords*), there was one (just as in Temecula) where people were not as uplifting – and it was the same one!

Thankfully, there were people in front of me during the barbed wire crawl this time around. So, I wasn’t taking the brunt of any yelling. But there was a girl behind us who was all, “uh, move it!” And the guy in front of me shot back, “I can’t when there are people in front of me.” And she called right back, “They’re not right in front of you! There’s some room!”

So, yet again, there was an angry woman behind me on that obstacle. I’m wondering if maybe there needs to be two lines for the barbed wire crawl – the one for those who have no patience (which I get it, I guess, they may be going for a PR or something), and the one for the rest of us. Something to think about, Spartan?

There was only one obstacle that was genuinely scary – which I’ll get to next time!

My First Ultramarathon?! – Part 4 (The Beast)

October 16, 2014

Aurora De Lucia grabbing on at the Hercules HoistPicking up from last time –

All trifecta racers started with the Beast (the longest race). I was excited about this because we’d get a nice look at what’s to come (as the beast and the super shared a lot of the same course, and all three met back up at the end).

I’d also finally get an idea of how many miles we actually needed to accomplish in the day (though there was a long stretch of the beast where there were no mile markers – which was very nerve-wracking… but we all lived to see another day!).

We’ll get to all the timing, planning, and miles, and such in a minute, though. First, let’s talk about the Beast itself.

It started off easy enough – just going over and under a few pretty low obstacles. Then we climbed over some higher walls, but most had some kind of helpful hold where you could boost yourself up.

After the first few obstacles, there was a stretch of just running. As I mentioned, I was at the back of the elite heat. So, I just got to chill out in the back, calmly jogging all by myself.

As silly as it is, I was actually pretty pleased with the idea that I was even jogging. Usually I’m the worst (the worst!) at trail running. But alas, today, I had a long day ahead of me and wanted to jog when I could. So, I did.

Later in the race, I did learn that I should really consider getting trail running shoes, or tying my shoes tighter, or just generally doing something – as my shoes were totally get stuck in the mud all the time. I’m not totally sure if that’s a me thing or a shoe thing. All I know is it’s a thing.

Aurora at the Hercules Hoist during the Spartan trifecta-in-a-day
…a different facial expression at the Hercules Hoist, so you can take your pick of which one ya like. 😛

There were a couple of instances where one of my shoes came completely off. It was rough. And by that point, people had actually caught up to me. And some trails within the forest were very narrow. So I always felt in the way if I got stuck – which was extremely stressful.

But in true Spartan fashion, no one made me feel bad for being in the way, and someone even stopped to help get my shoe out of the mud. AROO, baby.

As we ran for miles in the woods, I started thinking, “I know obstacles are hard, but at this point, give me some mud or something – anything to get out of these trees!”

Maybe I need to learn more about nature, or somehow get better with an internal map/GPS. But once I’m in the middle of trees, it all looks and feels the same to me.

Some people feel trapped in concrete buildings, and love nature. I feel the opposite way – I could live in New York forever, but I can only survive among trees for a little while. Where am I? Are there animals around? There are no quick escape routes, as there are in big, beautiful, concrete cities!

Anyway, we eventually made it out of the forest, and I’ll pick up here next time.

That Time I (Hopefully) Gave Away A Kidney – Part 38 (Rejection – Part 4 (Support System & What I Learned)

October 15, 2014

Picking up from last time –

The final thing the nurse explained to me was of course the thing we all knew, based on my story, was going to totally bite me in the butt.

The psych team thought I didn’t have enough support to take care of me and such after surgery. What’s funny is I could’ve easily given them phone numbers of at least 10 people who would’ve checked in on me. I had multiple people willing to let me stay with them, even.

It’s just annoying that basically because of some misunderstandings, they just decided to think what they wanted to think instead of clearing up anything. I stand by the fact that I still think it was a totally reasonable question to ask why someone needs to be there during surgery.

I’m telling you, if it’s just someone there just to be there, I’ll ask a friend who doesn’t work that day. If it’s my medical power of attorney, I gotta ask my dad to take off work. The person is different based on the purpose, and I just feel it was a question I should’ve been allowed to ask – even if it’s the very question that made them feel they needed to reject me for “lack of support.”

If you want to know officially what the follow-up rejection letter in the mail said: “the Patient Selection Committee does not feel that kidney donation is suitable for you at this time, due to: your psycho-social status financially or emotionally related to non-directed kidney donation in a state far away from your permanent residence.”

The funniest part about that is that the people who matter very most in my world and who literally would walk through fire for me if necessary… they live in Ohio. So, it’s just interesting to me that in trying to turn me away so I can go to my permanent residence and get all that amazing support they’re talking about, they’re actually just turning me away from all that amazing support…

(I will say this might be better for me because I won’t feel smothered… But while I might personally like it better to be away from my “strongest support system,” the psych team is still kind of accomplishing the opposite of their goal.)

I calmly explained a lot of what I told you (trying to prove all these points invalid) to the nurse. She said, “I had the feeling that you were just being your usual, quirky, outgoing self.”

So, let it just be known that I was not the only one who thought I was just being (pretty fun, if I do say so myself) me. Someone else thought it. So it can’t completely live only in my own perception and nowhere else.

She said central Ohio is not as cosmopolitan as L.A., and she encouraged me to try again out here.

I know that medical stuff isn’t a bed of wild roses all the time.

I know I’ve said this before – and I’m sorry to repeat myself – But honestly, I was just so flabbergasted by such an incredibly stark difference between the way the social worker treated me at Mass General (making me feel like a very heard person whose thoughts/feelings/opinions matters) and the way the social worker/psychiatrist treated me in Ohio (making me feel like I had to fit into their box and if I had any questions or opinions, I was the absolute worst), that I just can’t get over it…

Let’s talk a little more tomorrow about some people who should be mad. (I’m thinking basically everybody, but I have some specifics in mind.)

My First Ultramarathon?! – Part 3 (Arrival & Surprise!)

October 13, 2014

Aurora De Lucia layering in the car before the race
layering up in the car before the start of the race

Picking up from last time –

So, I brought my tons of stuff up to Cumberland Ohio. Spartan recommends to get there 2 hours early. At my last one, I saw that was definitely a fabulous idea. So, I dutifully complied.

They hadn’t actually transferred my race entry yet, but they’d given me an email promising they’d do it the day of. So, I started the morning (before the sun came up) in line at Race Day Registration – where I was hit with some possibly scary news.

Some people were saying the Beast course was 16 miles long. Uh, what? I said I thought it was supposed to be around 12.

See, online, Spartan says the Beast is 12+, Super is 8+, and Sprint is 3+. I thought 12+ means 12 point something, but they don’t give it exactly as it may be slightly different based on where they are. But oh no. On this day, I learned the + just means plus whatever they want.

It was still in the air in the morning what all the race lengths were. No one seemed to know for sure. I was getting different answers depending on what group I stood with talking about it. The only thing all the groups had in common was that everyone was talking about it. How far were we going to go today?

Once I got up to the table to do race day registration, the man up there asked me if I’d like to run the Beast elite. At first, I thought, “uh, no way. The elite corral is going to be all these super svelte amazing-looking people. And I’m gonna be the one pudgy one in the back feeling all out of place.”

But then I thought, “Elite starts 15 minutes early. Since I have no idea how many miles I’m doing today, forget it. Let’s just go elite, Holmes!”

So, I signed up in the elite field.

After that, I went back in the car to put on my bib and timing chip in the warmest place available. After the sun came on, and I put on more layers, it was time to leave the precious warm safety of the car.

I turned my bag into bag check. The trifecta racers had to check in at bag check between each race to get their bibs for the next one. There was a special lane just for us, and they let us set our own bags so we knew where they were and could trade things out between races.

Once in the corral, I did stand in the back, ’cause I didn’t want any real elite people to be affected by my slowness. However, I was pleasantly surprised by how not incredibly out of place I looked in that corral. *gives nodding approval to self*

I heard the whole “We are Spartans” speech before we got on out of there… And go!

This is where we’ll pick up next time.

That Time I (Hopefully) Gave Away A Kidney – Part 37 (Rejection – Part 3 (Financial Stability/Unemployment)

October 12, 2014

Picking up from last time –

Someone on the psych team also mentioned they were worried that I go on unemployment sometimes, as it could be denied if I’m unable to work.

I seriously can’t believe unemployment was made to be this much of a big deal. I mentioned it because I was being pushed for something stressful. (And you know if you’ve ever filed for unemployment in California that it is very stressful.)

But I think it’s interesting they act like it’d be a big deal to go without unemployment, because do you know what would be a bigger deal? Going without actual paychecks (for the people who need kidneys/need to get back to work)! It would be much easier to go without unemployment for a few weeks than it would be to take time off work and go without your real paychecks (since work pays a whole lot more).

(And this hypothetical is assuming you’re going to file for every single week you’re out of work. There’ve been times when I haven’t filed if I’m only out for a short amount of whatever.)

Now, I do understand that some people’s jobs have actual paid vacations. So even though, to me, every time I take a day off work I miss a day rate… since I do understand the concept of more mainstream jobs, I get that people do go in there and say they have vacation time saved up… which is why I probably sounded different to the psych team.

I think instead of looking at it as a bad thing that I go without work sometimes, it could be looked at as a positive! I’m some ways, I’m sort of more free.

Usually you’re cleared from kidney surgery to go back to a desk job in two weeks anyway. So, I’d miss $900 for two weeks? Heck, I’d lose like half of that just going to and from Ohio. They shouldn’t be that concerned over $900.

I understand that because I’m angry and I’m talking in an angry tone, I am being slightly ridiculous about money. I don’t want to sound like someone who doesn’t understand the value of money, or who doesn’t appreciate money she often gets between jobs.

The safety net is very appreciated!

All I’m saying is, I can carve out a couple of planned weeks in which I don’t get any money from anywhere and still survive.

Sigh. I feel like I’m talking in circles here. All I’m saying is, if you’re that worried about my financial situation, make me show a bank statement or something. Heck, I was a couple of weeks away from selling a brand new car. I could’ve used some of that good fortune to pay for the opportunity to help someone in a way I really wanted to help them.

I just didn’t like how unemployment seemed like such a dirty, terrifying, and ridiculous word at this place. It is SO a part of life of practically everyone I know, that I didn’t know how it is apparently viewed in the “real world” (or at least the midwest world).

There’s a disconnect in my brain. To me, unemployment doesn’t say “sound the alarms! You’re poor. In trouble. A delinquent. Awful. You’re not fit to give a kidney!” It just says, “you’re between gigs and that’s oh so normal.”

I’m annoyed that they seemed to have heard that word and shut down instead of trying to clarify anything.

So I’m gonna just stop talking about this and move on – this Wednesday.

My First Ultramarathon?! – Part 2 (Prepping My Race Bags!)

October 11, 2014

Aurora trying on a coat at Dick's Sporting Goods
trying on a coat – as I genuinely had no idea what I was going to need in the Ohio weather

Picking up from yesterday –

I gave myself a full day in Ohio to prep. I learned from my first marathon that taking the red eye and going straight into racing does not feel good. Learning. Changing. Flying a day early. *pats self on back*

Once I got there Friday morning, I headed to a sporting goods store. I was concerned, okay, pretty super concerned, about the weather. Aye, aye, aye, the weather.

I’ve become pretty cold-blooded living in Los Angeles. Oh how I used to make fun of the silly, silly Los Angelinos who got cold in what would be considered a nice day (and shorts weather) in New York. I hate to admit this, but I’m one of them now. *falls to the ground admitting* – I’m weak!

The forecast had the race taking place in the 40s. The 40s! Do you know the last time I’ve experienced weather in the 40s? I’m genuinely trying to think about it, it might’ve been in my Oklahoma City trip. The point is, it doesn’t happen often. It certainly doesn’t happen often that I’m hanging out outdoors for hours on end in that kind of weather.

I didn’t even truly know what all I needed to get. So, I just got a bunch of stuff – some Under Armor base layers, more layers on top of that, hand warmers, foot warmers – all that jazz.

I also got a sweet duffel bag, as I didn’t think a bookbag was quite going to cut it for a race of this magnitude.

I got some good ol’ Shot Bloks, and a Clif Bar. I grabbed a Gatorade and a huge thing of water. I did not want to forget anything.

I even got a headband and some cool neon bracelets – as that stuff was required by Spartan. (I was a very good girl and read through all the paperwork. I was a little stressed about it all, as you can tell, and wanted to make sure I got everything right.

The night before the race, I packed up my new duffel bag in a very organized fashion – a place for snacks, one for night stuff, one for warmth stuff, and then in the main portion I put in way more clothes than I thought I would ever use. (Spoiler alert: I was totally wrong. I used more than I expected.) I also threw some towels in there.

Then I had a separate bookbag kept in the car with a post-race outfit, an additional post-race Gatorade, kind bars and all that stuff – something to be waiting for me after I rummaged through my bag check bag all day.

And this is where I’ll pick up next time.

My First Ultramarathon?! – Part 1 (The Pre-Race Chapter)

October 10, 2014

Aurora beginning to mount on wall at Spartan raceThe first ever Spartan trifecta-in-a-day! AROO!

Let’s start with  – what’s a Spartan Trifecta? Spartan offers 3 main race distances: Beast, Super, and Sprint.

The Beast is 12+ miles. Super is 8+. Sprint is 3+. (More on this soon enough.)

When you do any Spartan races during the year, not only do you get your normal medal, but you also get kind of a pie piece medal. If you get one from each of the 3 distances (in a calendar year) and put them together, they form a fun new trifecta medal.

Basically, if you do all 3, you get to say you’re cool. I think that’s pretty much the gist behind it.

If you missed (or just didn’t read) the posts on my first Spartan race, that race was cut short due to heat issues. So, we all got free entries to a new race.

Once I found out the first ever trifecta-in-a-day was happening (and in a place where some friends and family live) I felt I pretty much had to do it, right?

After I signed up, the show I was working on got extended – then extended again. I thought I was weeks safe, but alas, we ended up having a day of work on the day of the race.

So, I went back and forth on whether I should do the race. “Oh, I’m paid on a day rate. So, I’m gonna lose the money of that day, plus the travel day before. Plus I’m gonna pay to travel. This race is gonna cost me a ton!”

When I started putting dollar amounts to it, it just wasn’t seeming all that practical. So, I shied away from it. Then my work schedule kept changing. “We are working Saturday. We’re not working Saturday. We are. We’re not.” And on an on.

I finally decided the week before the race that I needed to be responsible. So, forget it. I wouldn’t go…

And then on Wednesday of that week, I decided, “Nope. Forget it. I wanna go. Money’s not everything. I bet we don’t work Saturday after all anyway. [We didn’t.] Sometimes being practical isn’t cool or fun. I know this’ll be a great experience (or at least a new and interesting one, if nothing else) experience. Forget it. I’m going.”

And I bought a plane ticket for the following night.

I’ll pick up here tomorrow.

That Time I (Hopefully) Gave Away A Kidney – Part 36 (Rejection – Part 2 (More Thoughts On Wanting (Or Not Wanting) To Be Liked))

October 8, 2014

Picking up from last time –

I was admitting that I could sort of,maybe, kind of see the wanting to be liked angle of it all – especially since I’m keeping a blog so some people will see I’m doing this.

But truthfully, the only reason I even wanted to blog about the journey was because I thought being a living kidney donor was going to be this awesome, fulfilling experience. And I could show the world that it is such.

There was a time when I didn’t know you could go be a living kidney donor to a stranger. I thought talking about it might spark interest in someone else. And I liked the idea of that.

I also generally share my life on this blog. Sure, not every single detail. But something like this – I feel that that’s generally the kind of stuff I share with you.

The point is, I’m not writing about kidney donation because I think, “these will be the posts that will make people love me!”

I get it that I have some insecurities. I’ve certainly talked about youth and beauty enough on this blog that you know I worry about that kind of stuff. Sometimes I even make fun of myself and my insecurities a little. I think I’ve even captioned a picture something along the lines of, “It took 2 hours to dress up like this. Please validate me.”

And we all know that I flip over the moon when people retweet me and stuff. So, I’m not going to act like I’m someone who never needs any validation whatsoever, or who looks in the mirror each morning and thinks that I’m totally the greatest thing on two legs…

But does anybody?

I feel like I have a normal human level of insecurity (and ensuing silliness regarding it). But I would never give a body part just on the hope that it’d make somebody somewhere like me.

I’ll even admit, if the psych people thought I wanted them to like me, they were right! I did want them to like me. I wanted them to like me, because I wanted them to approve me for a goal of mine. (I know they said they weren’t judging my personality, but it seemed to me they sort of were…)

Oh, and one more argument I have as to why we know I wasn’t doing this to be liked… I’ve already stated before that one thing I absolutely hated about my heart issue was all the pity! I did not like that pity people pour on you while you’re in the hospital.

When I give a kidney, sure, people will probably pay attention to me while I’m in the hospital (as people are wont to do), which is usually when I want attention the least. And then two weeks later, they’ll basically forget it’s happened – which will be good, ’cause I’ll be normal Aurora in their eyes out climbing mountains and skydiving and doing whatever it is I decide to do next.

But this would be A LOT of work to get attention for just a couple of days in the hospital – especially when that pitied hospital attention is my least favorite kind of attention at all.

There’s more to this rejection and we’ll get there next time.

(#36) Striking with IATSE Local 700! (September 22, 23 & 29, 2014) – Part 3 (Spoiler Alert: They Got Their Contract)

October 7, 2014

Aurora in front of a rat on an IATSE picket line(Hey everyone, yet again I realized there was an empty day from almost a year ago (I have no idea what happened there!) But anyway, this should be the last of catching up on posts. Thanks for your patience!)

Picking up from last time –

One of the things I learned that was interesting (but made total sense) is that one of the guys in charge of organizing is not an IATSE members who then was elected or started working in the office. No. He’s a professional organizer. He’s worked with teachers and other groups. (‘Twas just a little fact I learned and thought I’d share.)

It was really interesting to hear him talk about laws and strategies. What an interesting job that must be!

I thought I had more to say (sorry to make a post with practically nothing), but ultimately, there are articles that sum up the strike… Ultimately, the show turned union!

It took a long time. Some lost money. Some went to other jobs. But ultimately, the union prevailed, and I’m so proud of/inspired by everyone who sacrificed to make that happen.

(#36) Striking with IATSE Local 700! (September 22, 23 & 29, 2014) – Part 2 (The Picket Line, Baby!)

October 6, 2014

Aurora De Lucia striking with IATSE local 700 over the contract negotiations with Shahs of SunsetPicking up from last time –

I loved striking! It’s so right in the sweet spot of things I love. I get to walk around all day and talk to people? I get to feel like I’m part of something bigger than myself? Sign me up!

People have talked before about how wonderful it’s been to walk picket lines in the past.

(The writers’ strike of ’07 – ’08 is still talked about today. Sometimes people make it sound so magical, that part of me wishes I could’ve been around for it)

(It also sounds like a terrible time for Hollywood. So, I think the general consensus is everyone wishes it wouldn’t have happened. But you know, if it was indeed gonna happen, I bet it was a pretty magical time to be around. Aaaaaanyway…)

The picket line was exactly what everyone said it would be in all their magical talks and memories of picket lines. I met a number of new people there. I saw many of my old friends from Shahs of Sunset. I got to hear interesting stories from people, both new and old friends.

The sense of camaraderie was wonderful. We enjoyed hearing updates whenever there were any.  And when there weren’t, speculation was happening here and there among colleagues. What else are you gonna do when you walk around for hours everyday waiting to hear when you get to work again?

As a sweet added bonus, the union gave out some free swag and all the free food we could handle.

There were parts of the strike that felt mildly weird to take part in  – such as when we had chants going of, “Shame on Bravo. Shame on NBC!” I had thoughts run through my head of, “I had my very first TV job with NBC. And Bravo let me do my first ever professional edit. Now I’m out here chanting against them?”

Sure, it felt a little weird. But even people/entities you love falter sometimes. And when they do, there are consequences. I had the time of my life working on Shahs of Sunset. I always tell people that working for Ryan Seacrest Productions (which runs the show) was one of the best jobs I’ve ever had!

Most of the people in the picket line felt the same way. None of the editors had any ill will. They just wanted their health insurance and such. (Can you even imagine the amount of hassle we’d save in this world if we just had universal healthcare in America? Don’t even get me started.)

I’ll finish out this post next time with how the strike panned out.

That Time I (Hopefully) Gave Away A Kidney – Part 35 (Rejection – Part 1 (They Think I Want To Be Liked))

October 5, 2014

Aurora exhausted after SkyRobics
Since I mention getting the results after my birthday, here is a picture of my birthday that year (since I’m totally running out of kidney photos).
(And it’s fitting, since this kidney saga exhausted me as well!

Picking up from last time –

So, I thought I’d find out pretty quickly and then wait my three months. But no. I don’t even find out for 3 more months.

The day after my birthday (which is the window when I always seems to have the worst luck), I found out that I was denied the opportunity to be a living kidney donor at that hospital.

The nurse who told me was very sweet. And some of what she said is even in writing. So, I can tell you with certainty (since I still have the email) that she said, “I found you to be an absolute delight.”

Boom! So if you were wondering if I was going around being a jerk to everybody, at least one person thinks that’s not true.

Of course, whether I was a bit of a jerk to the psychologist or social worker could be debatable. I’m just saying. I’m a delight, y’all…

The nurse said she tried to advocate for me. (The doctor tried to advocate for me!) People were on my side and thought my motives made sense, and that I was a good, healthy candidate. But the psych team wasn’t having it.

The nurse strongly suggested that I try again in California. She thought I was a great candidate and things just didn’t work out well specifically at their hospital.

She elaborated for me that the social worker thought I was too worried about being liked. Apparently, the social worker got this from me mentioning how much they were writing down – like I was too nervous about it or something… Me trying to ease the tension apparently gave a deep, dark look into my insecurities that are so unbelievably huge that apparently I need to have major surgery to feel liked.

This is such a funny idea to me to think that I would want to have surgery to get people to like me. There are SO many easier ways to get people to like you! Take an interest in people. Care about them. Remember their birthdays and other important days. Be a generally good person. Polite. A good listener when someone needs you. These are all ways to possibly be better liked.

As far as I could tell, giving a kidney wasn’t going to make anybody like me more. Heck, most people thought I was crazy for wanting to do it! I don’t want to say that anyone liked me less because I wanted to do it. But the people who like me, most likely like me, because of the way I make them feel – not because I want to have major surgery. All that is, is an inconvenience to them!

They gotta worry about me. They gotta bring me smoothies. It’s just almost beyond my comprehension that someone would want to give a kidney to someone because they want to be liked! …Unless maybe, I guess the person wants to be liked by the person getting her kidney.

Now, I will say I do have some insecurities and I do understand that I’m not totally anonymous since I’m keeping a blog about this. And we’ll get into that next time.

(#36) Striking with IATSE Local 700! (September 22, 23 & 29, 2014) – Part 1 (Pre-Story of How I Got Involved & Such)

October 4, 2014

Aurora striking, supporting IATSE Local 700 in collective bargaining with Shahs of SunsetIn the words of Norma Rae, “Union! Union!”

I’m a proud member of two unions – (Actors’ Equity – for over 5 years, baby!, and IATSE (Local 700).)

I’ve gotten notices to walk in picket lines before, and I’ve always wanted to do it – to not just be some member of my unions, but a member who’s trying to look out for other members, even if it’s just in small ways here and there… a member who’s giving back to the unions that give her so many nice benefits.

Yet, I’ve never done it. But the stars kind of aligned on this one.

I worked on season 3 of Shahs of Sunset, and still know some of the editors there.

In fact, the person who’d been our lead assistant editor moved up to being a big time editor for season 4! (He’s incredibly awesome – a spectacular AE/editor/and more, plus a great friend to boot.) So, with all the help he’d given me in growing as an AE, the least I could do for him was march in the picket line as the editors were trying to achieve collective bargaining.

Also, I’d been working super long days on Living with the Jacksons (coming soon on Reelz) – which would usually prohibit me from having a weekday field trip. But alas, I happened to get two weekdays off while the strike was happening.

And bonus – I was training for my Spartan trifecta-in-a-day. I know I practically never tire of the gym, but I was ready to get some miles under my belt walking around outside with people. (Weird to hear me say I wanted to be outside, right? But we were in the shade most of the time – ah, precious shade!)

So, the stars aligned a bit, and I thought, “I gotta go, baby!” And we’ll talk all about the super fun time I had tomorrow.

Side note: Originally, I wasn’t even going to count this volunteer activity, because I hadn’t sought it out as something to fit into my 52.

But, then I thought it was this nice serendipitous thing when it sort of dawned on me – volunteer activities don’t have to be things you seek out. I think I’ve maybe gotten so focused on getting the numbers that I almost didn’t realize when in my daily life I did something I wanted to do, but it also happens to fit the criteria of helping something bigger than yourself. So, yay, serendipity. 🙂

And we’ll get into the actual event tomorrow!

My First Spartan Beast! – Part 9 (Comparisons to My Other Mud Run/Did I Learn Anything New?)

October 3, 2014

Picking up from yesterday –

I thought I’d do just a little comparison to this and my last mud run. ‘Cause in my last (aka first ever) mud run, I did some posts on what I learned or took away from the race.

Also, I got new advice before this race. So, let’s just lay it all out and see how things stand.

1) Towels – after the last mud run, I told myself to bring a trillion towels because I’d be soooo muddy. Well, in the 104 degree heat, mud dried practically as you were climbing out of any muddy area. I didn’t even shower off this time around! I just jumped in the car and drove back to my hotel.

I did put one towel down on the seat, and basically no mud got in the car. ‘Cause again, I was so not wet at the end.

2) Last time, I lamented that there were no pictures of me. I wondered if it was because I couldn’t see the photographers, and therefore wasn’t positioning myself to be all in the frame and everything. So, this time I went in way more aware of the cameras. And yet, I only got pictures in 2 spots. Granted, there were only cameras in 4. But I only got half?

The two I missed – One was in the barbed wire, I really wanted to try to get a picture, but the photographer on the side moved just before I got him, and with the woman yelling behind me, I wasn’t able to get toward the center to get in that guy’s lens – no matter how much I wanted a super cool picture of me crawling in the barbed wire. Sigh. Next time.

The other one was at the finish! I didn’t realize there was a photographer (didn’t even see her or him), until I went to look at pictures from the event! You can see my leg being cool behind someone. But that’s it. I feel like it would’ve been a cool shot. I didn’t realize I needed to wait for someone to pass. Aye, aye, aye.

3) This was advice given to me for this race:
A) I was told to stay in a hotel – that the race was going to take every bit of me and I’d be way too exhausted to drive home. I did not find this to be the case. I love hotels. (And I’d planned on doing the sprint the following day.) So, it all was fine (and made sense if we assumed the second race was actually going to happen).
But I was totally not tired enough to justify a hotel room purely for recovery. (Though maybe all that means is that perhaps I didn’t work as hard as I should have.

b) I was advised to bring gloves – that I would sorely regret not having them.
I did not bring gloves. I hate having things on my hands, or having generally anything extra that I don’t need. (Of course what you “need” can be debated.) I was totally fine with not having gloves. I think it probably made things easier to grip. And I assume the heat would’ve felt even worse with gloves on.)

c) I was told to bring that camel pak. For the same reasons, I did not – I hate having anything extra that I don’t need. Of course, considering I drank out of someone else’s, you could argue that I did need it. So, that one I’ll think harder on for next time.

And that concludes my adventure/learning experiences/and generally all of my first (or almost-but-one-mile-shy-first) Spartan Beast. I am so very glad I get to do it all over again in Ohio (during a trifecta-in-a-day!) and I look forward to telling you all about it!

My First Spartan Beast! – Part 8 (…And The Time I Was a Racer to Not Appreciate)

October 2, 2014

Picking up from last time –

I tried to be pretty cool and have generally good race etiquette, as I usually do. I don’t want to annoy people, and I want everyone to have the best possible time they can.

However, I made two faux pas… My first one was a little after the first mile marker. I know Spartan told us forty-thousand million times that it was going to be soooo hot and we needed to prepare more than we thought and hydrate more than we thought.

And I did! I drank a lot of water the day before and during the morning. And I thought that’d be enough. “Oh, I’ve raced in the heat before,” I thought. “It ain’t no thing.” Well, when we were just continuously going uphill (a pretty steep one, mind you) without it seeming like it was ever going to end, I got a little more tired and gross-feeling than I’d expected. I kept thinking I could make it to the water stop, but then I just kept not seeing a water stop.

I know it had only been a little over a mile when I was really struggling, and there are certainly not always (or not even often) water stops within the very first mile. And yet, I was just so hot and exhausted and cranky, already. (Aye, aye, aye. How was I possibly going to get through 12+ miles of this?)

Finally, I just yelled out desperately, “Does anybody have any water?” Some really nice man let me drink out of his camel pak, which I greatly appreciated. I didn’t drink that much, and he got to refill it somewhere in the next mile when we did get to a water stop. So, I’m sure he was fine and it was all fine. He was nice about it, and Spartans are wonderful sharers. So, I don’t think it was a wild faux pas, but I shouldn’t have to ask any people around me to worry about me… which I did one more time as my second faux pas.

At one water stop probably somewhere 7 or 8 ish miles in, I thought about how long I’d been on the course (how long it had been since I applied my sunscreen), and how hot I was feeling. I asked the man at the medical tent if they had any sunscreen. They did not.

In my experience, sometimes tents do. Sometimes they don’t. But it didn’t hurt to ask. Although, only after I asked did I realize how overworked that man was. I saw his face when he turned to me, and goodness he looked stressed. So, sorry about that! I was a little too focused on myself and unaware (until I heard the stories later) that he’d been dealing with people passing out all day. Eesh.

Anyway, another runner overheard me ask for sunscreen and gave me some. I think I took a bit too much. I was all, “oh yeah, my precious back/shoulders. Oh, mm hmm. And my cheeks. Yep, neck. Forehead. Ahhh, protection.”

I know those are all areas you normally cover, and that to cover my shoulders up to my forehead doesn’t really take that much sunscreen, but as I sprayed it on, I felt I was overusing a bit. So, I’m sorry, sir for using so much of your sunscreen. If you’re reading this, I owe you a bottle. Thanks for your help in my time of need.

And I’ll finish out the final post about this race tomorrow!

That Time I (Hopefully) Gave Away A Kidney – Part 34 (The EKG)

October 1, 2014

Aurora's EKG (post-open-heart surgery)

Picking up from last time –

So, I go to their center to have my EKG done.

Everyone there is super nice. Again, even though this is a different building, I sit in a humongous (but differently styled) comfy chair to have my EKG done.

After the first one is taken… “Um, we’re just gonna have to take it again.”

Do not do this to me! You say that in the exact same tone they said that to me before I ended up in the hospital over and over again.

I’m not gonna draw it out of make this part too much of a ridiculously big deal. In the end, everything was fine. Basically, I called my amazing Boston cardiologist to say I’m trying to give a kidney and my EKG didn’t look perfect.

He took a look at it and said that while it wasn’t by-the-book perfect, it was well within a healthy range, and he believed I was fine. He also referred me to someone wonderful in Santa Monica. Dr. Milan (my amazing Boston doctor) said that this guy in SoCal (Dr. Doshi) was an old classmate from med school and was the person he’d send his own family to. So, that was very nice of him.

I went to see Dr. Doshi just to check in and such. He said that with all the work done on my heart and some scarring and such, I’m just most likely never going to have a completely and utterly normal EKG in my life. But it’s okay. My life-threatening issue is fixed, and he has complete confidence that I’d be an excellent kidney donor (at least heart-wise, which as my cardiologist, is all he can really speak to). He said he’d even write a letter to the kidney people saying so if need be.

So, great. He’s on my side.

But it didn’t really seem to matter, because I got rejected for other reasons…

By the way, a fun bit of dichotomy for you. During the very stressful experience was this kidney stuff… right after I got in the car from the hospital, I saw I had a new voicemail. It was the car dealership telling me the details to pick up my Price is Right car.

Isn’t it interesting how some things can seem so awesome and so not awesome all at the same time?

Let’s get into more not awesome kidney stuff next time.

My First Spartan Beast! – Part 7 (The One Racer I Didn’t Appreciate)

September 30, 2014

Picking up from last time –

I mentioned earlier, there was only one instance of a racer who wasn’t that patient, overly-nice Spartan I saw everywhere else. It was during the barbed wire crawl.

The barbed wire crawl was pretty crowded. We were all going pretty slowly. I didn’t care much, but there was a woman behind me who kept yelling at us all to hurry up. There were people in front of me. So, I couldn’t go much faster since I was practically already on top of them.

Then, I don’t know how it happened, but before we got to the end, the crowd sort of parted in front of me, leaving me space to go however quickly I wanted. And that was when the woman really kicked it into high gear.

In the stress of the moment, I started focusing on speed, and letting go of some of that deliberate, slow cautiousness. And the back of my pants got caught on a piece of barbed wire above me. At which point the woman screamed “stay low!”

Okay, lady. Look. You’re already rushing me. Now you’re backseat-crawling me? Get out of my butt, please. I’m doing everything I can here. Somehow some space has magically appeared in front of/beside me. So, if you’re really in that much of a hurry, can you please just go around me?

We end up making it out of there. I think she’s going to make a total run for it, as I’m assuming she must be after a fast time with all her stress of wanting to quickly make it through the barbed wire crawl. And yet…!

Once we get out, she just stands up and takes her good ol’ sweet time. I start heading to the next thing and never see her again.

If you’re trying to break a personal best or something, okay. But you’re rushing people just so you can get out and stand there? What kind of sense does that make?

The only other thing I can imagine is that she was wanting to get out because she was in some kind of pain. I did hear her say something about her hips bothering her while we were down there. When people are in pain, they’re not always thinking of others, or about manners, or anything like that.  They’re just thinking, “How can I get out of pain?”

So, even though I was miffed in the moment, I will try to just understand that she had pain, and I will try to patiently feel sympathy instead of only worrying about things from my point of view. Yes, I was rushed. But ultimately, it was a few moments of stress, and while my pants got snagged, I did not. So, I hope your hip is okay, stranger.

And while we’re talking about racers who aren’t the best, let’s talk about the moments where I wasn’t the best in the next installment.

 

My First Spartan Beast! – Part 6 (Some Not So Good Stuff – What Spartan Did)

September 29, 2014

Picking up from last time –

The way Spartan decided to handle the whole thing was that they transferred everyone into the new Temecula race in January, and said that race could still finish out trifectas for anyone – even though it would be in the new calendar year.

If Temecula didn’t work for you, you could transfer your race anywhere else.

I asked if it would be possible to do the trifecta-in-a-day in Ohio. I said I knew that the 3-in-one race was more expensive than a beast alone, but I asked nicely if perhaps we could just say that since I spent the money on the hotel and rental car, Spartan would just do me a solid and upgrade me to a more expensive race.

Wonderfully, they said that sounded fair to them, which I thought was very nice customer service.

So, do I see how other people could still be upset? For sure. There are plenty of scenarios where people lost way more than I did – plane tickets, babysitting money, etc.

Not only that, but in the day, in the moment, I totally get the frustration. As I walked out to my car, there was a guy who’d only gotten to do 6 miles who was ripping off his medal. He was disgusted at the idea of wearing it for only doing half the course. And he was right to feel that upsetness in the moment. I wonder if he’s coming back for Temecula…

But selfishly, in my scenario, things worked out pretty a-okay. I basically got to try out almost an entire Spartan race, just to be gifted an entire trifecta for free. So, it’s exceptionally hard for me to be mad a place that overall has treated me so wonderfully.

And I’ll finish up any other last race thoughts next time.

That Time I (Hopefully) Gave Away A Kidney – Part 33 (The Last Big Medical Tests)

September 28, 2014

Picking up from last time –

After the interviews, I drove over to a different building to get a CT angio for my kidney. I think technically, it may be called an arteriogram or renal angiogram.

Basically, it looks at the blood vessels coming off my kidneys to make sure everything looks in tip-top shape.

Everyone was super nice there. (And the chairs were HUGE! We could fit two people in all the chairs. I loved the spacious chairs. It made me feel as though I were royalty or something.)

Basically, they gave me an IV of contrast. They warned me I’d have a warm sensation as though I had to pee – but not to worry, that everyone feels it. I went in one of those machines (which I’d been in before for people to look at my heart). No big deal. I was in and out, and they gave me the biggest bottle of water on the planet. (It’s like a theme or something – that it’s a hospital for giants.)

Everyone at all of my tests was so wonderful about always asking, “Do you have any questions?” Overall, there were a lot of kind, sweet people in Ohio.

In addition to that, I had to wear a 24-hour blood pressure monitor. Basically, it’s just a cuff attached to a pack that you wear for a day. It inflates every… I think 20 minutes, and takes your blood pressure.

You get a paper to keep track of everything that happens in your day, in case you think your blood pressure might be spiking, so that you can explain it.

The nurse who gave me the blood pressure monitor was one of my favorite people I’d met in the whole thing. I wish I got to be around her all the time, because she was funny. She was explaining the kinds of things you should write on the paper. In writing it doesn’t sound like much – “If someone cuts you off in traffic, write that down.”

But you have to imagine her saying it with tons of attitude, and then she gives a priceless facial expression to the imaginary person who cut her off in traffic. She gave a couple of different scenarios, but I could’ve easily watched her do them all day long, because it was the greatest routine!

There were only two other tests I had to take the next day. I got a chest x-ray and an EKG.

Also, could they have possibly set this up anymore like a reality show?! As if all the other stuff that had happened wasn’t screaming “reality show!” they saved my EKG for last… The girl with the former heart problem aces every medical test… and then we check her heart. Dum dum dum (scary chords)!

And this is where we’ll pick up next time.

My First Spartan Beast! – Part 5 (Some Not So Good Stuff – Why It Happened)

September 27, 2014

Picking up from yesterday –

Once the gates of silence opened, and communication started flowing, I got a lot less angry with Spartan. (In fact, I’m not angry in the least now. I’m pretty super happy.)

The Spartan organization explained to all of us that they’d ordered extra water. They brought in a bigger medical staff. They took all sorts of precautions. And yet, so many people were having medical issues that Spartan just did not have the manpower to handle all the people passing out.

I heard from one racer that over 500 people needed to be seen – including one of the medical staff members themselves! Of course, that’s just hearsay…

The Spartan organization felt it was unsafe to allow participants to continue without the support of the medical personnel. So, they closed the course.

Now, I do hear all the racers who complained. People took pictures of parts of the Spartan paperwork that says they race no matter. So if it rains, or snows, etc., don’t complain. Spartan Up, and prepare to race because a race will practically never be cancelled.

When that is the published attitude, I definitely understand complaining racers. Some people flew in from far away places. Some were completing trifectas. And if I’d been in that situation, I could’ve seen being livid.

Though I guess I do appreciate Spartan wanting to make sure we live and such… Of course, people do have a point when they say we sign waivers admitting we might die, and it is our job to make sure we hydrate and everything. However, if I get bitten by a snake, or accidentally shoved off a mountain or something, that’s not irresponsibility taking place. And I really would like medical personnel there to fix me right up. Just ’cause my waiver says I might die, doesn’t mean I want to up the chances…

Technically, we could be mad at the racers over-taxing the medical staff. Of course, I am the kind of racer who would say, “I will not quit unless I pass out. I will never take myself out of this!” So, I get their mindset, and I really can’t blame them for it…

It’s easy for me to feel pretty chill (and not mad) about the course being cut short, and to see this whole thing more from Spartan’s side than I ever thought I would – ’cause overall, I got a pretty sweet deal out of it, which I’ll get into next time.

 

My First Spartan Beast! – Part 4 (Some Not So Good Stuff – What Happened)

September 26, 2014

Picking up from yesterday – let’s just rip the band-aid right off and talk about the part that got lots of people complaining.

The race was cut short.

Thankfully, I started early enough in the morning that only a mile (and no obstacles) were cut off for me… But still, that was a mile I wanted!

As a group of us started making our way out of this one area toward a shore/lake area, we ended up merging with a group coming from a different direction. Everybody was looking at each other. “Where are you coming from?” “Where are you coming from?”

Then they started realizing we got to do some obstacles they didn’t. “We’re coming from the spear throw…” “There’s a spear throw?”

Then, some official person from the course showed up and started telling everyone who wanted to go to where we were coming from that no one else got to go back there anymore, as they were shutting down that part of the course.

The last couple of miles were then spent with people trying to figure out who missed what and why they missed it.

I noticed I never got to see mile marker 10. (Edited to add: Though in my second Spartan race, I learned that doesn’t necessarily mean anything.)

I learned we did indeed miss out on a mile, but some people missed out on more like six!

We all later learned that the heat was becoming such an issue that the powers that be decided to close down a big part of the course.

In the moment, people were really livid about this. (And it’s possible some still are.) Even I was thinking, “Oh, Spartan Race, lovely Spartan Race that’s been showing me how strong I am… Please don’t be shutting down parts of the course! Please don’t give me a free race entry and then basically force me to write-up a bad review.”

They were also a little slow on social media – which is practically the ultimate sin for a company. I’d gotten a hotel room in Temecula in part because I was thinking about doing the sprint the following day. I learned through other Spartan racers it had been cancelled – but there was no announcement on social media!

People were demanding answers about what was going to happen to the people whose course had been cut short. Were they getting money back? Would they be able to finish a trifecta? What’s happening?

And Spartan wasn’t answering right away – of course the reasoning for that is most likely because they didn’t know what was happening. But that didn’t seem to make racers feel great.

So, what did they do? We’ll get to that tomorrow.

My First Spartan Beast! – Part 3 (My Favorite Obstacle)

September 25, 2014

Aurora De Lucia running and smiling at the Spartan Beast in Temecula, CAPicking up from yesterday –

There was one specific obstacle toward the end that made me feel extremely proud of myself! I’d been struggling here and there – especially with obstacles leading into that one.

I’d used people’s hands for boosts here and there. But on this one, oh on this precious inclined wall, I did it all by myself!

In many obstacles, there were male and female options. On this one, everyone did the same thing – which made it even that much sweeter. I’d done other obstacles without any assistance, but there was something about this one that seemed tough, wonderful, and exciting.

There was an inclined wall with ropes coming down. We got to grab a rope and lean back as we pulled ourselves up the wall – which by the way was a bit wet because people had just come out of a muddy water obstacle!

At first, I grabbed a rope, took a couple of steps, and couldn’t seem to get to the top.

I came off the wall and let a few people go in front of me. I considered taking the burpee penalty and skipping the obstacle. But then I thought, “This isn’t even about strength! This is more about physics! Use your brain, lean correctly, and figure it out!”

Sure enough, I did it! I did it! I made it all the way to the top all by myself, baby.

I think one of my favorite things about the obstacles was that they really weren’t all about strength. Some were more about strength than anything else, but some were about your brain and just figuring them out. I loved using different parts of myself throughout the race (and realized that this is totally how I would teach physics if I were a physics teacher – let’s do obstacles y’all!)

Now that we’re on such a lovely high note, let’s get to the stuff that wasn’t so good tomorrow.

That Time I (Hopefully) Gave Away A Kidney – Part 32 (Big Kidney Day! – My Perception of the Interviews vs The Interviews )

September 24, 2014

Picking up from yesterday –

I’m sure some of you are probably asking, “Were the interviews really that bad or are you exaggerating for effect?”

As far as I’m concerned, they were basically that bad. I did not record them. So, I can’t get anyone else’s impartial (or at least semi-impartial) opinion. I understand that our perceptions color everything in our lives.

Maybe the social worker and psychologist weren’t trying to come off they way they did. And maybe they didn’t quite come across as strong as I thought they did. But I’d say my recounting of the story is pretty darn close to accurate (or at least as to what I perceive as accurate).

Also, let’s think about this for a second: I’ll straight up admit, I am very opinionated. I am definitely stubborn. People have certainly described me as “very direct.” (I think that’s been said to me out here mainly because L.A. head games and “L.A. code” drives me crazy). So, I will not act as though I was some angel who sat and very calmly reacted to everything that was supposed to set me off.

But while I’m direct and opinionated, I have also (many times) been described as “very sweet, kind, thoughtful,” etc. Most of the time, I am nice to people. And most of the time, I know how to handle myself in a room.

Even if I get argumentative with someone, it’s never in a bullying way (I hope!).

But let’s pretend that I was really goading these women and being not a nice person to them.

Let’s go back to the idea they stated – that they don’t have to like me. They said it wasn’t about my personality, but whether I could handle kidney donation.

Basically, they explained that they are there to make sure I’m making an informed choice, and that I’m capable of making that important (and informed) choice. They make sure I’m financially stable enough to give a kidney (which involves taking a couple weeks off of work). And boom, there you have it.

Even if we pretended like I were a total and complete jerk to them, it honestly shouldn’t matter! I like to think I’m not a jerk. But even if I were – if I were a competent jerk whose bank account checks out, put me on the operating table, baby!

Even though I was about 99.99% sure that I was going to get rejected as a kidney donor, they had me continue on with the charade as there were still more tests to do (that they like to do at their own facilities, which is why I didn’t do them in California).

So, we’ll talk about those next time.

My First Spartan Beast! – Part 2 (Some Good Stuff)

September 23, 2014

Aurora De Lucia carrying a sandbag over her head at the Spartan Beast Race in Temecula
Grrr.

Picking up from yesterday –

Sure, the beginning was harder than I thought. But I was amazed to see what I’ve become capable of.

As I leaned over to take a breather, and my hands grabbed my thighs for support, it dawned on me how much smaller they are than they used to be!

I feel like I’ve been talking about weight way too much, and I know it’s not everything. But I’m still just not quite used to a smaller body yet. When I felt my thighs, I expected more surface area!

As I felt my smaller (though admittedly not yet small) thighs, I thought about how much easier it is to move without so much extra weight on me. So, that was great. (And I think that improvement really helped me during the race.)

When it came to the obstacles, I wasn’t a superstar. Sometimes I did pretty okay (carrying a bucket of rocks or a sandbag around a loop, and climbing some of the easier stuff).

Sometimes I struggled (climbing over some of the taller walls without a boost, lifting the bad at the Hercules Hoist, throwing that javelin – oh the javelin (edited to add: I learned it’s a spear, not a javelin)).

Every time I struggled, a fellow racer came along to ask if I needed a boost, or a hand, or anything.

I’d heard that Spartan racers are all about teamwork and being in it together (even if we’re technically all in the race separately), and I loved that! What a nice, beautiful camaraderie. (There was only one time during the race I didn’t feel it, but we’ll get to that in the bad stuff.)

I felt so cool crawling under barbed wire – and we got to do it twice! As I crawled along – most likely looking totally awkward – since I felt that I must’ve looked so amazing, I called out to spectators, “Can someone please take my picture?! Tweet it to @AurorasBlog!”

I’m sure everyone thought I was a bit crazy, but when do they not? Someone looked as though he was taking a picture, but alas, I never got a tweet. (And maybe it’s better that way if I looked super awkward, so I can keep the mental image of me looking like a gladiator – grrrr!)

Tomorrow, I’ll tell you about my favorite obstacle!

My First Spartan Beast! – Part 1 (The Beginning Was Harder Than I Thought)

September 22, 2014

Remain calm during registration. It only gets worse from here sign from Spartan Race
Ah goodness. They’re saying it only gets worse from here… Let’s do this, Holmes.

The lovely people at Spartan gave me a free race to check out their brand. (Thank you!)

Turned out, the race was in 104 degree weather!

There were all sorts of warnings before the race about how hot it was going to be. I made sure I hydrated well and really fueled up.

And yet, by the end of mile 1, I was already hurting!

Before we started the race, the announcer made a big speech as we waited to start, “Hydrate, hydrate, hydrate. Take care of yourself. If you die, I’m gonna go to your funeral and say, ‘she didn’t pay attention.'”

So, he reminded us (in a loving, funny way) that we really better take care of ourselves.

I thought to myself, “Okay, okay, okay. Got it. I’ll be great. Thank you.”

The first mile was uphill – a big, steep hill. Sometimes in some of my past half marathon posts, I’ve said I was really going uphill… I had no idea what uphill was until this race. Ow! My head was hurting. I was feeling gross.

Registration sign at the Spartan Beast race TemeculaI thought, “How can this be happening only 1 mile in?! I cannot be someone who has to quit this race – or who dies out here. But how can I possibly make it another 11 miles?! Wah wah wah”

Then I looked up.

“How is there even more uphill after this?! Where the heck is the water station? Ow, ow, ow. Okay, let me take a rest.”

I sat in the shade for a bit (as I did a few more times during the race.) Thankfully the elevation calmed down (at least somewhat). And I got some precious water once I made it to the first stop.

Yeah, yeah, I could’ve brought some with me. But I didn’t want to carry anything on the obstacle course. So, forget that.

Elevation at the Spartan Beast in Temecula, CA 2014Even though it did feel (in my desperate state) like 100 years before I got water, the Spartan people were actually fabulous in how much they took care of us. They had many stations, even with Gatorade at a couple of them. They were staffed well… unfortunately, not quite well enough – which we will get to a little later in the story.

But first, we’ll talk about how wonderful parts of it were, and what a nice addition it was to my life.

That Time I (Hopefully) Gave Away A Kidney – Part 31 (Big Kidney Day! – Is The Psychologist Lacking Compassion?)

September 21, 2014

Picking up from last time –

Another thing the psychiatrist told me is that if I were giving to a family member, she’d approve me with no problems. But, I wasn’t. I was giving to a stranger.

I forget exactly how she phrased it, but she basically said, ‘Why do you care about this person. It’s not your dad, or your sister, or anyone you know.’

In disbelief, I came back with, “But it’s someone’s! It may not be my dad. But it’s someone’s dad. And if it were my dad and I didn’t match him, I’d be hoping against hope that some stranger would step up.”

Plus, as I’ve mentioned on this blog, I don’t care at all if the person has a family. Again, I care in a human caring about other human sense. But they don’t need to have a big or tight-knit family to mean something in this world to me. Even if they have no one, they are a human being! They deserve a chance to really live.

Then, she asks, “If you’re denied, will you be upset about it?”

(I could tell she was partly asking this because I was so gonna get denied so hard.)

I was still kind of, sort of-ish, trying to play the game of being a calm normal person who wasn’t totally being goaded and driven crazy by this woman. So, I answered I think pretty calmly, ‘Of course I’ll be upset. I really want to do this for someone. I’ve put a lot of time and energy into it, and it would be sad if someone didn’t get my kidney. It would be especially sad if I were denied not because of any medical reason, but because I didn’t say something correctly, or because someone didn’t like me.’

She jumped on this immediately, stating that they’re not there to decide whether they like me. They’re just there to decide if I’m capable of making decisions and successfully going through surgery and recovery. (We’ll touch on this again later.)

Then she asked, “Why would you be upset when whoever’s getting your kidney doesn’t even know you’re being tested for them? So, they can’t be disappointed…”

I’m sure my eyes probably grew 3x their normal size at this question because are you kidding me? It’s something I want to do. It’s something I’ve had to put a lot of work into. I answered with, “I’ll know!”

So, now we’ve been through the whole psychologist interview. Next time I’ll talk a bit about how I admit my perception and reality might be slightly off (but not by much!).

(#35) Los Angeles Brain Tumor Walk (August 24, 2014)

September 19, 2014

Aurora volunteering at the Los Angeles Brain Tumor Walk 2014I love athletic events, and am happy to help with them when I can.

I’m trying to make it so that every time I volunteer at a 5k or the like, I volunteer in a different department so that it’s a slightly different experience each time.

This one needed help in banking. Cool!

There wasn’t really all that much to it. (I’m sure once they got back to the home office, there was. But on my end, I didn’t have to do much.)

Basically, I just put numbered stickers on each envelope, sealing in the donations within them.

And that sums up my day! Rolled in, got a t-shirt that was a bit too small (as you can see), since, as someone in the banking department, I got to come late (and as one of the last people to get there, that was what was left). Then I labeled and left.

Simple, not time-consuming. But hopefully it helped at least a little!

(#34) Hollywood Arts Council’s Children’s Festival of the Arts (August 10, 2014)

September 18, 2014

Aurora De Lucia smiling while pouring paint into cups at the Hollywood Arts Council Festival of the ArtsA pattern seems to be emerging that I keep picking events arts & crafts/creativity-centered events.

Creativity it life. Creativity is of utmost importance. So, I can’t fault myself for going back to that well somewhat often.

I was assigned to a booth that first had kids work on paintings. Halfway through it switched to a booth where kids made magic wands!

Neither set-up was particularly challenging (as a volunteer – I’m sure you can challenge yourself as a painter and wand-maker).

I liked both iterations of the booth, though I think my favorite one was the wand making – simple because there were no rules. With the painting, it was trying to encourage kids to paint an Australian animal. It’s cool to learn about animals, and sometimes constraints are good (as some argue that they actually make you more creative).

But I just loved spreading out tons of craft supplies on a table and telling the kids to go for it with the wand making. No rules. They could use everything at their disposal in any way their little hearts desired. So, it was fun to see people blossom. Many people had a tough time with no constraints at all (which is, I think, why it’s argued sometimes that that can better). However, once they got over the hurdle, the wands were creative and cool.

One thing I loved about the day was taking a moment to take it all in. I’ve felt a little extra attached to my iPhone lately. Of course I have a wonderful and loving relationship with my Apple products… but I still don’t have to have my face in them quite all day long.

So, it was nice to chill out on technology for a sec and just be present in the moment.

After the event, my friend Angela and I explored the area a bit and held our first 8 tracks at Amoeba Records.

Exploring, experiencing, being present, being creative – ’twas a lovely afternoon!

That Time I (Hopefully) Gave Away A Kidney – Part 30 (Big Kidney Day! – The Psychologist Wants Me To Be Indecisive?)

September 17, 2014

a book on donating a kidney
A book that was in the lobby during Big Kidney Day

Picking up from last time –

Another thing she asked me was this: “On a scale of 1 – 10: 1 being that you’re going to run out of here and never come back, 10 being that you’re ready to give your kidney now, where are you?”

I (of course) said I was a 9 or 10.

She did more deep furrowing of her brow, and in a disapproving tone stated she liked people to be more at a 5 or a 6.

Are you kidding me with this?! I can’t, y’all. I cannot take this! I didn’t know how to take it in the meeting, and I don’t even know how to write it down now.

Let’s just recap here for a second… I have now gotten 2 full written packets and 2 DVDs. I have gotten many medical tests, making numerous (sometimes lengthy) trips to a lab over the past 3 months. I’ve done a 24-hour urine collection on 3 separate occasions. I have heard a lecture from a surgeon and a nurse. I have gotten to individually speak with every person on the transplant team. Everything’s been explained in deep, deep detail. And I’ve had every opportunity to ask any questions I have.

Someone explain to me how it’s possible that someone could still be at a 5 after all of that! If you’re at a 5, what else can the hospital or UNOS or anyone possibly do at that point to get you to make up your mid? I just can’t – my brain is exploding right now, because that seems so indecisive to me!

A 1 or 2 I could definitely understand. If after the lecture and the meetings you think, “Nope, no, no, no, no. I’m so sorry hospital, but this is just too much!” I could see that. If you’re secure in your decision to give, I could see that. But why, oh why, would she want someone who doesn’t know what they want?!

(Genuinely, if someone has a real answer to this, please, oh please, feel free to share it in the comments… And if you agree that the idea of being at a 5 or 6 doesn’t make any sense, please feel free to share that as well so I feel validated.)

We’ll finish up my meeting with her next time when we’ll talk about a lack of compassion.

(#33) Kidspace Children’s Museum Pirate Adventure (August 9, 2014)

September 16, 2014

Aurora in a pirate costume holding a live birdI touched a bird!

(Multiple birds, actually.) I volunteered at this event because I think it’s great to foster curiosity (and learning) in children (and everyone).

Also, let’s get real. It was pirate themed, and I really wanted to wear some super cool pirate accessories.

It never dawned on me that I might be doing anything with animals!

As the coordinator of the event led me out to where my post would be, she dropped me off at the exotic birds exhibit.

Usually, I like to go with the flow and be a good little volunteer, but you know, animals.

So, I tried to ask as politely as I could, “uh, is there perhaps anywhere else I can go? I’m not that great with animals.”

As sweet and helpful as the volunteer coordinator was, I could see she didn’t want to have to start moving people based on preferences. She told me I wouldn’t have to touch any animals; I could just help corral people if the exhibit got too crowded.

Aurora excitedly posing with small bird at a children's museumWell, okay then. I’ll suck it up. After all, I don’t want to be a bother. I do want to be a team player. So, let’s do this.

Sure enough, there ended up not really being a line to corral as the bird expert game out from the gazebo and made it easy for medium-sized crowds to all be engaged with birds at once as he spread birds out throughout the area.

And who do you think he used to help with that? Ah yes, the volunteers assigned to the exotic birds gazebo got to hold birds and help put the birds on other people.

He was respectful of my fear and all, but when he asked if I wouldn’t mind helping, I took a deep breath and did it. (The night wasn’t about me, and it didn’t want to make it so.)

Usually, I think my fear of animals is pretty okay, because I find it very logical and sane. Why do I want to hang out with things that can pee on me at any moment, and much more importantly could turn on me any moment? I don’t see the upside in hanging with animals. So, I don’t see the downside in being afraid.

Aurora nervously posing with a bird at Kidspace Children's MuseumHowever, I saw this one girl who was very afraid. And while I always think I come off cool and logical when I stay away from animals, when I saw someone else in that role, I saw that she didn’t necessarily seem super cool. She kind of just seemed afraid.

So she inspired me to try to be cool. In the words of that Jason Robert Brown song, I’m not afraid of anything! (Or, at least I tried not to be today.)

And that basically covers it. Holding birds. Being cool. Helping out. (And I actually learned a bit about bird. Plus, bonus – I got to lead a second of a round in the show later. Anytime I get to sing, I’m pretty much on top of the world.)

It’s always a great day when I get to push myself (as I did with the live animals). I left feeling invigorated! *high fives all around*

(#32) Photographing Cozi’s Improv Show (July 20, 2014)

September 15, 2014

Aurora laughing by the seats in a theater
Cozi’s still making laugh post-show as we try to get some pictures of me taking pictures

I have this amazing friend, Cozi.

You know how I’m always complaining about how no one in L.A. makes time for anyone else, and everyone is so flaky? Cozi is the antithesis of all my complaints – yet, one of the most genuinely busy people I know (which makes it all that much more impressive).

So, when I found out that as one of my volunteer activities, I could help him, I was all over it!

He suggested if I was looking for an activity that I could photograph a show for him. I was especially happy to do this because I had yet to see one of his shows! (I know, that’s being an awful friend – made even more awful by how wonderful he is to me. Hence, why this was such a necessary volunteer act – really I should do this for him about a million more times.)

The only hurdle was that I didn’t have a digital camera – and neither did any of our friends (as far as we could find), or any of his other actors in the show, or basically apparently anyone else on the planet as far as we were concerned.

It’s interesting to me that we’ve all become so reliant on our iPhones/iPads that no one has a digital camera anymore!

one of the photos I took that night
one of the photos I took that night

Every once in a while, the thought crosses my mind that perhaps I should get one. But genuinely, when I am ever going to use it (other than apparently for this)?

Since we couldn’t find a camera, I did the next best thing I could, and grabbed my mini iPad.

I had no idea how well pictures would turn out in stage lighting with my iPad, but they weren’t too shabby!

It’s funny to me to watch improv shows now – especially for newer troupes. I sometimes still tense up into flight or fight mode as all the rules we’re given in a Groundlings class spin through my head, and I think about what I’d do if I were up there.

I never think about it in a sense of “what would I do better?” It’s more just “what would I do to try to survive up there?” (Improv is terrifying!)

It was interesting to me that having not taken a Groundlings class in almost 2 years(!) (Where has the time gone, by the way?), I can hear my teachers yelling “space work!” and all the other rules even still.)

But enough about my time in improv. I was there to take pictures.

group pose 3I took so many – almost 1,000, ’cause I was so afraid of missing anything! Then I went through and got rid of everything that was blurry or so similar to the one next to it. Then, I went through again to try to make creative decisions to dwindle down choices even more. And then I still ended up giving Cozi I think a couple hundred (which was perhaps still too many…).

I told him if that was too overwhelming, I’d chop through ’em some more, but I know for me I’d rather have too many than too few choices (though I know sometimes that can be too time consuming and overwhelming).

But, he seemed happy to pick what he wanted. Granted, he’s so positive that he’d probably seem happy no matter what – even if not a single shot was in focus.

But overall, I think it went well. Pictures exist. I got to see him act. Life is good.

That Time I (Hopefully) Gave Away A Kidney – Part 29 (Big Kidney Day! – What Do We “Owe” Society And When Are We Allowed To Give It Back?)

September 14, 2014

Picking up from last time –

So, the psychologist mentioned that she thought I wasn’t old enough to have the feeling yet that I needed to “give back to society.”

Oh goodness.

First, life is not some game of “If I do this, I’ll get that” or “Since I’ve already gotten this, I better give that.” Even if society crumples me up, spits on me, and gives me nothing, it doesn’t really matter. I’m not doing this because I feel like I owe a debt of some kind to society or the universe.

Yes, I mentioned that I wanted to do this because I have a very personal first-hand account of what it’s like to live in and out of the hospital. I’m not doing this because since I was saved I feel that I must save someone in return. I am doing this because having such an intense understanding of that kind of life just makes my desire skyrocket to take someone away from that life.

Does that make sense?

My experience didn’t make me feel I owed anything to someone else. It just helped me to learn more about other experiences in this world.

Also, even if we act as though I am doing this because of some sort of debt or guilt or karma points or whatever – who decides when it’s the correct time to feel the need to “give back” to society? I’ve had a pretty darn privileged life. I’d say if I am in some kind of society debt, I don’t need to wait ’til I’m 50 to be there. I’m there now, baby.

I just feel like as a member of society, I’m supposed to care about fellow human beings, period. As Cory Booker always says – be kind. When you’re angry, be kind. When you’re happy, be kind. Whatever you are, kindness is the answer. I think if we all tried to live closer to that mantra, we’d probably be in a better world (or we’d just be in Oklahoma City, which is really the same thing).

I feel like I’m talking in circles here. But I think part of the reason for that is because I genuinely just don’t understand her argument that I’m not supposed to feel the desire to do this, because I’m not old enough to feel the need to give back to society.

I’d want someone to do this for me. So, why wouldn’t I do it for someone else? It’s just that simple.

Let’s talk more Wednesday (as there are even more weird arguments a’coming!)

San Francisco 2nd Half Marathon 2014 (July 27, 2014) – Part 3 (Finishing Out Race & Post Race Stuff)

September 13, 2014

Aurora De Lucia running through Golden Gate Park in the San Francisco 2nd half marathon 2014Picking up from yesterday –

And back into comparing the race to the first time I’d done it –

There’d been a group passing out cupcakes around a door that said “Do not park here.” That garage door stayed in my memory because it was so funny, in its insistence that people absolutely not park there.

Well, this year, that door was open! And there was a random coffee shop inside that garage? I would’ve never expected that! Though, in more bummer of news, the cupcake people were not there. So, you win some, you lose some, I suppose.

The race was far harder than I remembered it being in 2012!

The garage that says to never ever ever park here in San Francisco
This is from my 2012 photos!

I don’t know if that’s because I wasn’t doing the distance every weekend, or if I just blocked out the difficult parts, or if it’s because I didn’t fuel properly. But whatever the reason, I found it much more difficult this time.

I also forgot how hilly San Francisco is. When people talk about doing the 2nd half marathon as opposed to the first, they say, “oh, you’re doing the one that’s not hilly.” Well, even the less hilly of two choices in San Francisco is still hillier than I expected. (It’s San Francisco!)

secret coffee shop in San Francisco
…and this year I found out it’s apparently a coffee shop

Inclines, inclines, inclines. Oh so important to really, actually hit those in my training.

Jaime and her little girl were waiting for me at the finish. We then met up with other friends. Our friend Michael and I went to the yoga class Jaime teaches. It was awesome and challenging and felt so good to do yoga after the race. (And Jaime is a lovely teacher.)

Then, Jaime joined a pact with some of the other students to do the race next year. (That’s right. I’m calling you out on the blog, girl! Next year is happening.)

a before and after of Aurora fatter and less fat 2014We had a delicious and filling dinner of Mexican food. And that concluded the race. I was glad I got to do it, and I really need to get my butt in gear for next year! If I did the “non-hilly” half, I can only imagine what that first half is going to be like.

The only other thing I have to add – and I don’t want to dwell on this too much – but when the pictures came out from the race, I could hardly even believe the photos were of me. I’m still getting used to seeing a smaller body in photos. It’s always smaller than I expect.

(Don’t get me wrong, I hope someday to get it smaller still. But it’s always smaller than I think it is, which is a nice and jarring and interesting surprise.)

San Francisco 2nd Half Marathon 2014 (July 27, 2014) – Part 2 (Forgetting to Eat & Starting the Race)

September 12, 2014

Aurora De Lucia running forward in Golden Gate Park in the San Francisco 2nd half marathonPicking up from yesterday –

The night before the race, I didn’t eat dinner. I didn’t feel hungry, so I just skipped it, thinking my lunch was going to be big enough. Then, on the morning of the race, I still wasn’t feeling hungry. So I decided not to have a morning bite.

This was not a smart idea!

I don’t know what would make me think that if I’m not hungry I shouldn’t eat. I mean, I have been trying to listen to my body more and not mindlessly eat. But when you’re going into a race, you have to eat. I don’t care if you’re hungry or not. (After over 50 half marathons and 3 marathons, you’d think I’d know that by now. But apparently, you’d be wrong.)

So, anyway, I went out there fuel-less, ’cause “it’s only a half marathon.” Aye, aye, aye, Aurora.

However, I was smart enough to bring a bit of cash with me. And around mile 9 when I decided I was just too hungry, I got to stop off and grab a bit of food from a nearby gas station. (Surprisingly I was not alone as a number of people around me did the same thing. Did we all forget to eat that morning?)

As I waited for the bus next to Jaime’s apartment, I saw a life-size Michael Jackson cutout in the window across the street, which I thought was such a nice little send off before the race.

Aurora De Lucia running in Golden Gate park during the San Francisco 2nd half marathon 2014The bus driver was very nice, trying to make sure as many people squeezed in as possible, since he knew we were all going to the same place, and we really wanted to get there.

I don’t know that I have anything super new to say about the race, really. It started in the same place as the last time I did it, and some things were the same.

(Though, when I just re-read that entry, I realized there were things I remembered that never made their way into the blog. That surprised me, and makes me happy that my memory seems sort of strong – as though I don’t need to read no stinking entries to remember my life.)

There were still backwards mile markers in some places. (I glossed over that in my old entry – but that was definitely something I remember from before. “Why am I looking at the back of this sign instead of the front?” I didn’t know then. Still don’t know now. They are airy mile markers that I guess blow around and could conceivably move. But, not really that bottom pole part so easily, I don’t think.)

I looked for the people who’d been rocking out to Rapper’s Delight, and didn’t see them this time. That made me kind of sad as they were a total highlight of the race for me.

And I’ll finish out my story tomorrow.

San Francisco 2nd Half Marathon 2014 (July 27, 2014) – Part 1 (The Pre-Race Chapter)

September 11, 2014

Aurora and Jaime with a tile mural at the SF 2nd half marathon 2014
Jaime and me posing with the pieces we contributed to the tile mural

This race was a total wake up call!

I’m technically quite possibly in the best shape I’ve ever been in. And yet, I struggled with this half marathon. I’ve been spending a lot of time in Bar Method because it’s downstairs from my work, so it’s easy to make time for. (Blah, blah, blah excuses, right?)

(I even hassled my dad about how exercising in general does not make you a long distance runner. So you’d think I’d know to keep focusing on my running!)

And yet, I have not been doing that.

In addition to spending more hours at work, I had this lovely stress in my life back in November-ish to March, and it was oh so helpful in training for the L.A. Marathon. Alas, that stress is no longer in my life. So, I have to try to find different ways to motivate great running – which I actually find sort of difficult.

Aurora and Jaime painting at the SF 2nd half marathon expo 2014
Doing some paintin’

There’s a particular type of stress – when it’s just enough to make you driven, but not enough to weigh you down – I rock under that kind of stress. I started running because I was under some interesting stress when I moved to New York for a job, then quit said job, and wondered if I’d ever work in entertainment again.

Of course that was way back in 2009, so let’s get back up to present day.

I did this race before, during my 52 half marathons in 52 weeks. Going into it, I didn’t read my old blog posts, but I was amazed at how much I’d retained (and how much came back to me on the course).

The one part I didn’t remember was going to the expo. When I arrived with my friend Jaime (with whom I was staying, as she lives in San Francisco now), I thought, “why doesn’t this look familiar?” It’s because I hadn’t gone to the expo my first year.

Jaime and Aurora posing at the painting table at the San Francisco 2nd half marathon expo 2014The expo was small and quick. We got to paint part of a little tile mural thing, which was fun. I always love random little creative things when they pop up.

I got my super sweet shirt, which I adore. The San Fran shirt was one of my absolute favorites from my 52 half marathons. This race is almost worth doing just for the shirt.

Though, the real reason I decided to do it again is because they give you so many reasons to come back! There are all sorts of challenges if you do a race two years in a row (which I lamely skipped a year so I gotta start over wah wah), or if you do this in conjunction with other races. Plus, I love any excuse to go see Jaime. So, I have a feeling I’ll be doing this race for a least the next couple of years.

And I’ll pick up here next time.

That Time I (Hopefully) Gave Away A Kidney – Part 28 (Big Kidney Day! – Continuing To Try To See The Psychologist’s Point Of View)

September 10, 2014

pee jug inside a specimen bag
A pee jug in a specimen bag, because… why not?

Picking up from last time –

Continuing to play devil’s advocate to kind of, sort of, be on the side of the psychologist – the only way in which I could see that I actually would regret giving a kidney is of course if it affected my life in some kind of awful way.

If I gained a long-term health problem, or you know, died… sure, I could see her saying, “bet you regret that decision now!”

But, we make decisions all day every day – decisions that potentially could hurt us. Yes, I could conceivably have a complication with my kidney surgery. I also could die crossing the street. I could die running a marathon. I could die doing a lot of things!

Did you know that in my lifetime, I am 17 times more likely to die in a car crash than in my kidney surgery (assuming I ever freaking have it)? (Well, at least that’s what the internet says. Who knows if that statistic is correct? But I do know kidney.org says there’s a less than 1% chance of death! Less than 1%!)

We could die doing anything! So, what? Am I going to just sit in my apartment all day long and never go do anything at all – and then hope that I don’t die in here from a fire, or earthquake, or intruder, or drive by shooting bullet piercing through my window, or anything else that could still happen to you – even if you never leave your own home?

I don’t want to make the world sound so ridiculous and scary. I don’t actually worry about the threat of death on a daily basis the way I’m describing it here.

I’m just saying, when a medical procedure has been pretty much perfected, and the odds of bad things happening are so super crazy low, all you can do is pick the best surgeon/best hospital you can, and hope for the best.

(I mean, you could just not give a kidney. But I refuse that option, because to me the reward for someone who they get to be free again and live whatever kind of life they choose – that SO outweighs the risk for me that I just can’t imagine not wanting to take the risk…)

Getting back to the story, the psychologist basically isn’t listening to anything I have to say because she thinks I’m a child… (And fyi, I know people in their forties who are more of a child than I am – and I know you do too! So, age is not everything, my friends.)

She also brought up that I hadn’t had kids yet. I tried to explain that “yet” doesn’t need to be part of the sentence, because I am never having kids. At the time, my gynecologist and I had already decided on my permanent birth control option (even if the procedure didn’t get performed until the following month).

It’s funny how no matter what you tell people when you’re young – even if you say that you are having a procedure to make it so that you are physically incapable of having children… many, many people will not believe you!

So, that was basically beating my head up against a wall, since apparently the only medical professional who will believe me is my gynecologist (and I LOVE her for that).

The psychologist says, “If you were a 50-year-old woman who’d already had her family and now wanted to give back, I’d approve you right now. No problems… Usually people don’t feel the need to give back to society until they’re older.”

Here’s a question, if my age is such a humongous problem, why did you let me go through the testing? If I have to be 50, why don’t you just make a rule that I need to be 50?

As far as that whole when we should feel the need to give back to society… Well, let’s talk about that next time.

Creative Arts Emmys! – Part 9 (Governor’s Ball – Part 2 (I Could’ve Danced All Night))

September 9, 2014

Aurora at the Cellar Door Chocolates table at the Creative Arts Emmys Governor's Ball 2014
Mmm marshmallows

Picking up from last time –

I know I said I was going to talk about something more interesting than food, and I promise I will. But can I also just tell you that we got to use the. nicest napkins. I have ever used. Ever.

They were so soft and exceptional. No one at the table could stop talking about the exceptional napkins, and I’m so curious where they came from because I want a set for my home – and I sort of want the material to also be a comforter!

Moving on from food and napkins, one of my Emmy dates and I were two of the first people on the dance floor, and we were having the time of our lives.

The Governor’s Ball was basically this little piece of stopped time in my life. I’m often thinking of a million things, having so much on my do to list. I’m constantly applying for jobs since my jobs are always coming to an end. And I’m working my butt off on those jobs while I have them.

Governor's Ball 2014
some ambience from the night

There are always workouts to do and blogs to write, things to organize, and on an on. There’s always something. But on August 16, 2014, there was nothing but dancing and food and conversation.

I know we can’t live every day like that, but goodness I adored it.

So we danced and danced. We ate and ate. I walked around and met random people, which was fun. While in line at the chocolate station, I even realized part way through a conversation with someone that he was from Deadliest Catch – the show that beat us out! Oof.

Everyone was in such a wonderful mood, and was so talkative and happy… You’d think the people who’d lost might be in a sour mood, but I think anyone who couldn’t get past it had gone home as everyone I spoke too was having a grand ol’ time.

walking out into the L.A. convention center from the Governor's Ball
and just like that, it was back to real life

Going back to the chocolate station, the one thing I heard over and over from friends who’d been to Emmys past is that you have to stop by Cellar Door Chocolate’s table, because they let you take as much as you want home.

I’m not a chocolate lover, but I do love caramel, and there were chocolates shaped like Reese’s, but with caramel filling. I also was in love with the marshmallow sticks, and totally took two home. (And we took a bit of the other chocolate home for other friends.)

As the evening wound down, the band announced they were playing one last song. They dedicated it to everyone who didn’t win, saying they hoped next year would bring different results. So, they sang “Don’t Stop Believing.” We jumped around and danced and just generally let loose one last time.

Then everyone went home. We stepped out of our neon-lit party hub and into a big, plain empty hallway of the convention center. Our night was over. Back to real life… until we get to do it again next year…? 😉

Creative Arts Emmys! – Part 8 (Governor’s Ball – Part 1 (Setting the Scene & The Food))

September 8, 2014

Aurora posing with an Emmy statue at the Creative Arts Emmys Governor's Ball 2014
play posing with an Emmy statue at the party

Picking up from last time –

The Governor’s Ball was magical. To sort of set the scene for you, in the middle of the place was a stage for the band, which was surrounded by a dance floor.

Coming off of that were aisles that separated groups of tables. Along every wall (and even at some places in the middle of the room) there were open bars.

Behind the open bars along the walls were dancers in boxes just dancing all night, entertaining people from afar as people waited for their drink orders. In the back corners were charging stations. That’s right, charging stations!

If your phone was running low, you could go check it in there and someone would charge your phone. (They had every available type of phone charger there.) I thought that was such a genius idea!

Whoever planned this party is a fabulous party planner, and I almost, sort of would love to work for her.

people waiting to get into the Creative Arts Emmys Governor's Ball 2014
a bunch of dressy people on the street, which I found funny

In the front corners were free chocolate stations, and I’ll get to those in a bit.

Once you got to your seat, there were papers that listed where everyone attending was sitting. The Governor’s Ball made it as easy as possible to try to track down your favorite entertainment professional (which many people did).

We also had a little card that told us the various courses we’d be served.

first course salad at the Creative Arts Emmys Governor's Ball 2014
I practically never take photos of food – but I took photos of everything here… Fancy, grown-up party food, Holmes!

I’m on a vegetarian challenge, and saw that steak was going to be served as the main course. I thought since I hadn’t been on the challenge for all that super long that perhaps I’d just eat the steak and start over later.

I didn’t want to be too much of a pain since I’m not a real, official vegetarian or anything – it’s just something I’m trying out.

Thankfully, though, Eileen is a vegetarian and asked if she could have the vegetarian meal. It didn’t seem to be a problem or a hassle at all. So, I totally jumped on that bandwagon.

We got some fabulous pasta (which actually looked better than the steak, and my other friend who had the steak tried ours and echoed the thought that the pasta was better). Bam, a win for the vegetarian party.

vegetarian food at the Creative Arts Emmys Governor's Ball
You’re already looking at food, so why not see the vegetarian dish as well? (Well, the half-eaten dish since I had to eat some before I could even take a picture.) Yum!

I’ve actually been trying to eat pretty vegan-ish lately. But, I decided to let that go.

I ate the cheese on the salad, and I did try a few bites of our mashmallow-y dessert, because
a) who knew if they actually had any vegan options and b) I’m definitely not a vegan – totally just someone trying it out-ish, so no need to hassle anyone.

Also, need to miss out on what everyone else is trying.

(Though I usually haven’t felt like I’m “missing out” on anything when I eat more vegan, here at the Creative Arts Emmys, I just wanted to experience it all – even the marshmallow-y dessert (even if it was completely unnecessary since dessert is totally bad for you, and we had plenty of food without it… *lip trill* trail off as I’ve admitted to food weakness…)).

Oh, and in case you’re wondering (which I know you’re totally not), I didn’t eat a lot of the dessert as it was mainly chocolate, which is not something I love. But I still had a few bites… (And I was still grateful for it, even if I choose to try to be somewhat strong in the face of those empty calories… (especially since I still totally ate marshmallow sticks later at the chocolate station).)

And I’ll pick up with stuff more exciting than food next time.

That Time I (Hopefully) Gave Away A Kidney – Part 27 (Big Kidney Day! – The Idea Of Surgery And Regret)

September 7, 2014

Picking up from last time –

Even though I think the psychologist was hitting the youth thing a little too hard, I’ll admit she sort of, kind of had a point-ish (barely).

For one thing, to her point about youthful decisions we regret – I will admit, in my first spring break at Berklee I had plastic surgery. That whole story is for another post. But I will say that part of me regrets it… I do agree that it helped me look more in line with my “brand” of being the “adorable” girl or whatever. But in trying to look how I was “supposed to,” I gave up looking the way I sort of liked.

I understand that in this life you don’t always get to look the way you want, or do the things you want, if they clash with your career. So, I still think overall, it was probably a worthwhile sacrifice. I had an amazing surgeon. I did make that decision with a clear head, knowing what I was doing. So, I’d say regret is probably too strong of a word. But I get where she’s coming from in the sense that at the time I thought I was a super adult who knew what was best for me?

But would I have still elected to have that surgery later? Sure, I was a “grown-up” then, but as an older grown-up, would I have learned to be more comfortable in myself? Maybe. We’ll never know. Anyway, yeah. I’ll admit. Sometimes things do look a bit different with years of experience.

But, here’s what I’ll say to that. For one thing, that surgery was specifically to make me look different! It was supposed to make a noticeable change in my appearance (which it did) – and therefore a somewhat noticeable change in my life.

With kidney surgery, not much changes. I will have a couple additional small scars. (And at this point, honestly, who cares? I already have scars from my various heart procedures. I can deal with a few more.)

Also, they don’t recommend MMA fighting. (Didn’t ever plan on that in the first place. I mean, I know never say never. But that’s really not my thing…)

And I can’t take NSAIDs (but I HATE pills anyway, so no problem at all there).

Kidney surgery will change my life in a different way than plastic surgery did – in that it basically won’t change my day-to-day life at all.

Also, let’s point out the super important difference here. Plastic surgery is to make me prettier in the eyes of the shallow entertainment industry, so that maybe I have a better career. It’s just another step you have to go through to fit the mold and be only as much of yourself as you’re allowed to be – to be different in a cool way instead of a too-different way.

Kidney surgery is to save someone’s life! So, basically it’s different in every way. And again, I don’t even truly regret my plastic surgery… But I’m just saying it’s the only thing I can think of from my personal experience file, in which I can try to understand the idea of surgery and regret working together.

(Thankfully, I did not bring up the plastic surgery with the psychologist, because I can only imagine what would’ve come of that! (Ugh))

I’ll pick up with more next time.

Creative Arts Emmys! – Part 7 (End of Ceremony & Arriving at the Governor’s Ball)

September 6, 2014

Zach Woods posing with Aurora De Lucia before the Creative Arts Emmys Governor's Ball 2014
Why not snap another celebrity photo as we wait to be let in to our fancy party?

Picking up from last time –

It was so interesting watching everyone interact – winners and non-winners, celebrities and non-celebrities, even drunk and non-drunk people (in the late afternoon). It definitely made me wonder if the lobby and bathrooms are also where the parties are at other bigger award shows.

(It always seems like everyone is in her seat in big award shows since cameras are always getting reaction shots… But I have to imagine other award shows work at least somewhat like this one.)

Once we’d felt we’d done enough hobnobbing (and stuffing our faces), we made our way back into the ceremony.

(People were still getting awards and all, so it’s respectful to go be supportive of that.) Some of the speeches were very adorable. I know this is known as the baby Emmys that not a lot of people necessarily want to watch, but there were some really funny and touching moments that I was glad I got to see.

After the ceremony was over, we made our way to the Governor’s Ball! I don’t know what was blocking us from getting at first (whether it be barriers, or too many people or what), but I do know that I was at the back of a large group of people just waiting in the middle of the street in fancy outfits, which I found funny.

Aurora taking a red carpet selfie at the Creative Arts Emmys 2014
a red carpet selfie from earlier in the day

In the fancy, decorated Nokia Theatre, we fit. Once we got into the super cool party inside the Convention Center, we fit. But out standing on the concrete? The scene seemed a little funny and silly to me.

Soon enough, we all did indeed get to go to our lovely party. As we got to the top of the steps, people were there handing us waters. I don’t know why exactly that felt like the pinnacle of special-ness, but it did. I felt like royalty as I was handed my Figi.

Once we walked into the doors of the convention center, I was amazed at how much a big empty space can change. I’ve been in the convention center for race expos or things like that, where there are vendors all around. It looks cool, but still convention-center-y.

At this party, the only giveaway that I was in the convention center was that I’d walked in the doors clearly labeled with that name. Who knows, maybe we were transported to some alternate world, because the designers of the party made it feel that way.

And I’ll pick up with the party next time.

Creative Arts Emmys! – Part 6 (Entering the Ceremony)

September 5, 2014

Dominic Monaghan and Aurora De Lucia at the Creative Arts Emmys 2014
(the guy taking this was a bit drunk – which is why Dominic Monaghan and I don’t look super ready, but I’ll take it!)

Picking up from last time (or really the time before that) –

Once we get through the red carpet, we get to the entrance of the Nokia Theatre. My official Emmy date (who has my ticket) is already inside, since we all came in slightly different groups. She handed me my ticket through the door. But she accidentally handed me the one that had already been scanned.

When the ticket scanner started pointing out the issue, she got distracted by some other group, so I just stepped right over the velvet rope. I wonder if it’s that easy to sneak into the Primetime Emmys?

We all made our way to our seats, and the editing category came up much sooner that anyone anticipated. Before the category was announced, it seemed like we all were just kind of there for the experience, having a grand ol’ time. But once that category came up, there was a collective breath-holding. I grabbed Eileen’s hand tightly. Everyone was grabbing hands. The nervousness was palpable. This was the moment!

And alas, as I totally spoiled in the Joel McHale story, the group I was with lost. Wah wah.

I even thought to myself before we went that I was going to tell everyone to practice gracious loser faces just in case, so we all remembered not to show actual disappointment. I totally forgot to do that. We all completely forgot in that moment that we were at an award show, because everyone definitely got her (and his) sad faces on hardcore.

Aurora posing with stage in background at Creative Arts Emmys 2014Thankfully, since this was the baby Emmys (or whatever it is people call it), no cameras were on the losers and no one saw our sour faces. (It’s probably cooler to be real anyway.)

After that category, we all quietly sat for a bit as the ceremony went on, until one by one we started getting up to stretch legs, go to the bathroom, and all that biz-natch. And that’s when we found out where the real party was.

As more categories were announced, more people descended upon the lobby to indulge in over-priced (and mainly over-fried, over-salted and just generally bad for you) food – the kind you’d get at some sporting event or whatever else would be held in the Nokia.

So, there everyone was in fancy clothes, eating their hot dogs and popcorn (which I found to be a little hilarious). Of course people were also getting tipsy in the middle of the afternoon well before the Governor’s Ball.

And this is where I’ll pick up next time.

Creative Arts Emmys! – Part 5 (Celebrities – And Joel McHale being the Kindest, Sweetest Awesome Dude)

September 4, 2014

Joel McHale and Aurora De Lucia at the Creative Arts EmmysPicking up from last time –

One thing that was sort of funny to me was that when thinking about going to the Creative Arts Emmys, I didn’t even really register that celebrities were gonna be there. I was only thinking about the behind-the-scenes people, and forgot that sometimes celebrities are both.

I was wildly excited about the Creative Arts Emmys, even without the thought of celebrities – dressing up, supporting my friends, dancing the night away. That sounded amazing to me.

Of course, once I saw celebrities, it was time to get my inner silly nerd on and get some snapshots.

And my interaction with Joel McHale was not just one of the best of the night, it was probably one of the best encounters I’ve had with a celebrity – heck, with probably any stranger/(new friend) ever.

He was so funny, kind, smart, quick, affable… No wonder he seems so comfortable as a host. And no wonder I hear about how lovely and beloved he is.

So, here’s what happened:
During the ceremony I was sitting on the aisle. After one of the award categories, I saw Joel McHale walking out, up the aisle. I turned to Eileen (my main Emmy date), and whispered, “that’s Joel McHale! I love him!” She said I should go try to meet him.

Rob McElhenney and Aurora De Lucia at the Creative Arts Emmys 2014For about point two five seconds, I entertained the idea of not running after him since I’m at a ceremony and should have decorum, but then I quickly got up and ran my way out to try to meet him.

As we were walking out of the theater, I said, “Joel McHale. Hi, you don’t me know.” And he joked, “Oh, sure, I remember you. We used to date in high school.” I laughed and said, “I know this is a really inappropriate time to ask for a picture because you just lost an Emmy. But if it makes it any better, the group I’m with lost earlier too.”

He asked me whom I was with. I said the Project Runway editors and they they lost to Deadliest Catch. He joked about Deadliest Catch being dangerous with people putting their lives at risk. I said, “not the editors!” And we had a nice little laugh.

He even made more small talk, asking me where I was from. We had some more little laughs as practically every thing he says is funny. Then he even said, “all right, let’s think about where we should take this picture. Here, I think the lighting will be best over here.” How thoughtful, right – to worry about the lighting?

That dude is too cool.

In the next installment, we’ll go back to the ceremony and my buds.

That Time I (Hopefully) Gave Away A Kidney – Part 26 (Big Kidney Day! – The Psychologist Thinks I’m SO Young)

September 3, 2014

Aurora in a random selfie with her fingers in her mouth
Oh don’t mind me. I’m just being all youthful and stuff… Know why my fingers are all up in my mouth? Because I’m covering up a ginormous pimple! So, maybe I am just a young whippersnapper after all…

Picking up from last time –

In addition to my free-spiritedness, she had another beef with me – my youth.

I’ve talked about youth all the time on this blog. Yes, yes, we all know I like to feel young because it’s the only way to feel valued or like you have any potential or matter at all in Los Angeles. (As a woman, that is. Men get to matter until they’re at least 50 – as long as they’re either wildly funny or good-looking. #Society)

Okay, so yes, I like to feel super cute and young and adorable and special and loved. (Don’t we all?) But in that, you know what I don’t like to feel like? An actual child.

Sure, I’m fun. And my bathroom easily looks like an 8-year old could’ve decorated it because of the cartoony monkey-themed stuff. I like bright, bold colors. I have a lot of childlike sensibilities.

But I’m still a smart (if you don’t mind me saying so), adult woman who understands how things work. I’m capable of making my own decisions. People my age go to war! They have children! They make all kind of decisions that will change their lives forever. I’m sure sometimes people don’t love the decisions they’ve made in their 20s. But it’s life. It happens.

I’ve been through major surgery. I’m pretty sure I get the gist of what it would be like. I’ve done a lot of research on this. I paid attention to the talk that morning.

(Side note: Even in the meeting with the social worker, she was all “do you know what you’re getting yourself into?” I rattled off the exact stats we’d heard that morning re: complications, death rates, etc. Absolutely shocked, she was all, “Oh, you were really listening and paying attention!” Of course I was! Why doesn’t anyone have any faith in me?)

Anyway, back to the psychologist, she tells me how when I’m older, I won’t believe that I was so fearless and free – that I just moved to New York on a whim or stayed on the east coast for 7 extra weeks during my half marathons simply for the reason “why not”?

Now, I’m with her that hopefully when I’m older I’ll think that I was super cool back then (now). (And hopefully, I will be freaking super cool as an older person too.) But here’s my question, even if I say, “whoa, that was crazy/cool – I can’t believe that happened” (which I’ll admit, I’ve already done even after only a year)… the question is – will I actually regret it all?

Being in sort of disbelief is different from having regrets. The case she was fighting for seemed to be that as I got older, I’d change and regret the younger me. I mean, sure I like to think a lot. And I’m pretty argumentative. (I think I’d be a rad lawyer!) So, if I really, really wanted to, I could probably argue all day as to whether every choice I’ve made in life has been the “right” one (which I’m pretty sure isn’t a thing that necessarily exists anyway)… But do I actually regret living, experiencing new things, meeting new people, and taking chances? Heck no, I don’t!

As she was telling me how ridiculous young people are and how we have no idea what we’re doing… she likened this to getting a tattoo. “A lot of young people think getting a tattoo is a great idea, but they regret it when they’re older.” This isn’t a tattoo! This is doing something purely to help another human being!

I hope that I never become the kind of person who says, “I really regret saving that person’s life.” And if I do, well, then we should all be thankful someone took my kidney while I still knew how to show compassion!

Now, while I’m still angry, I will admit, there is possibly a little tiny something to be said for what she’s saying… And I’ll get to that next time.

Creative Arts Emmys! – Part 4 (Heading to the Ceremony & Red Carpet)

September 2, 2014

Aurora De Lucia on the red carpet at the Creative Arts Emmys with Scott Austin Hahn
with one of my Emmy dates – in a nice, flattering photo if I do say so myself

Picking up from last time –

So, we hopped into a black car Uber and made our way to the ceremony. Our driver said he’d driven to tons of events like this before, even once having driven Meryl Streep.

I never noticed before we were in that car, that on special event days in my area, there are signs pointing the limos in the right direction.

(And, yes, we had to keep a “limo parking” sign in our dashboard so we were allowed in the limo line. So, no, you can’t grab a black car and ride around following the limo signs hoping to get in… Or maybe you can. who knows how much they pay attention to the dashboard sign – which I’d never noticed before, before red carpets… However, when am I really seeing the front of the car?)

So, we get there and even though I’d heard we were going to the “baby Emmys” or things like that since we were weren’t at the main ceremony, the greeter still opened the door and said, “Welcome to the Emmys,” which made me feel oh so special.

Did you know that your driver isn’t even allowed to get out and open your door at the event? There are tons of people out there in red jackets and white gloves whose job it is to open the door of the cars coming in.

Aurora De Lucia posing with Laverne Cox at the Creative Arts EmmysAh, the little details I learned getting to be a little Emmy princess for a night.

After we get out of the car, we get to walk the red carpet – which feels soft and lovely under my feet, even in my tall shoes.

Another little detail I found funny was that there was a special red carpet for celebrities. And then there was the wah wah red carpet, to which we were relegated. However, I still found it super fun and cool. Everyone I saw (including my group) was being a little nerdy, handing off phones and taking red carpet photos – but who wouldn’t?

As we were on our way inside, I realized I was in line with Laverne Cox and asked for a selfie because why not?

More on celebrity photos in the next installment!

Creative Arts Emmys! – Part 3 (Getting Ready)

September 1, 2014

Aurora De Lucia at Blushington getting make-up done before the Creative Arts Emmys with a very excited face(For the first two parts, click here and here, though this part stands without them.)

After I gave an emphatic yes to going to the Creative Arts Emmys, emails started coming confirming hair and make-up appointments. Yep, that’s right. One of my sweet Emmy dates was figuring all that out for me (and paid for it too – awww, total princess treatment).

So, on the day of, I went with a small group to Blushington and Dry Bar to get all dolled up.

I never really know what to say when I get my hair and make-up done for anything, and the beautician (beauty professional? What is the correct term there?) asks me what I want. The only thing I do know is that I always regret when I get too much make-up, ’cause my face does not hold lots of make-up very well. (Uh uh, goodness does it not.)

So, I asked for a nice fresh look just to even out my skin tone, and that’s what I got. (Yeee-ah.)

Then we went over to Dry Bar, where yet again I had no idea what to do with my hair. I kind of wanted to put it all up, but one of my Emmy dates said he loved me long hair and wanted to see it down.

Aurora De Lucia giving a little smile while getting her hair done at Dry Bar before the Creative Arts EmmysThen, I thought about doing one of those bump things, but I was convinced that that looks a little too “prom” for the Creative Arts Emmys (watch me do it someday anyway, ’cause I don’t know what it is about the bump, I love it). So, I went with a side part thing (which was complimented a fair amount, therefore hopefully the right choice).

After that, I changed into my dress – which I almost wore to get my hair and make-up done, but there was a change of plans during our Starbucks run, so we didn’t go back home til after dolling up time.

When I changed clothes, I got a bit pf make-up on me as a part of the top of my dress touched my face.

It was kind of adorable, as one of my Emmy dates rushed to the rescue. I barely started saying some make-up got on me, and he flew in with a Tide pen. Crisis averted.

Small funny note about getting dressed – the bottom of my dress was so tight, I had to put my shoes on before my dress because once I was in my dress, I couldn’t lean over to buckle them! Aye, aye, aye.

Once we all were dressed, we jumped into a black car Uber service which is where I’ll pick up next time.

That Time I (Hopefully) Gave Away A Kidney – Part 25 (Big Kidney Day! – The Psychologist Stresses About My Youth/Free-Spirtedness)

August 31, 2014

Aurora De Lucia jumping in the air at the Atlantic City April Fools' Half Marathon
since we’re talking about my running and traveling and such, here’s a picture of me on the other side of the country during my 52 half marathons project!

Picking up from last time –

I wanted to ask if I could change the answer of what stresses me out to “You. You do.” (I didn’t.)

I’m usually not mean (or at least I hope I’m not… even if I am coming off super bitter in these posts because, well… I’m super bitter)…

She asks me what I do to cope with stress. I tell her I love running. We talk about my 52 half marathons. She seemed very bothered by a lot of it – especially all the travel involved. I covered, I think, 13-ish states.

She was flabbergasted that I did so much traveling and did so much of it by myself.

Yes, how could I possibly ever travel somewhere so incredibly easy, you know, like in my own country where I speak the language and have the currency and all that, *puts on way overly exaggerated Southern Belle accent* all by my poor sweet little lonesome self?

(I’d like to be clear that I would not at all think it out of the ordinary or be scared to travel alone outside of the country either. I’m just saying, going to New Orléans, or Atlantic City, etc. is pretty freakishly low-risk travel. So the fact that someone thought that was weird was weird to me.)

I’m not 13 years old, you know? I live in a big city. I take care of myself. Nothing about my life seems too odd to me, and certainly nothing about vacations seems so off to me.

Then, instead of saving myself from her notions about me, I just dug myself in deeper. As I was trying to explain that the idea of going places didn’t scare me, I mentioned, “In 2010, once my show wrapped and my sublet was ending, I decided to just get on a plane and move to New York, because why not?”

The level of shock and disgust on her face – I can’t even!

I was trying to say, “Life is fun! I’m not afraid.” But apparently, all I did say was, “I’m too free-spirited to be able to handle any real adult things.”

She hit the whole “free-spiritedness” thing a lot with me. What my friends found hilarious about this, and please excuse me for sort of bragging about myself for a second…

When I was very angrily complaining about this to my buds, all my friends kept saying things such as, “Yes, you’re sort of a free-spirit when it comes to living… But you are one of the most responsible, driven, dedicated people I know!”

“You had a dream to work in the entertainment industry. You moved to a big city right after high school. You hustled your butt off, worked long hours, took chances and took leaps when other people were too afraid. You joined two unions, and kept getting promotions. You stuck it out when TONS of people around you fell off, gave up, and moved back home. If that doesn’t show dedication and responsibility, I don’t know what does.”

THANK YOU friends who say that. Because, seriously, right?

Yes, I am very silly, and I like to think I’m really fun. I do like to travel and I like to generally live, because not to sound cliché but we do only live once. I also do a lot of things at the last-minute because if there’s one thing I’ve learned from not only my crazy health problems but also just getting offered random last-minute jobs – sometimes away from my state of residence – I don’t ever know what tomorrow will bring!

So if I can go do something right now and it’s not going to hurt me in any way to do it… then I should get while the getting’s good, and do it right now!

I know I’m rambling a little (and I’m sorry), but do you understand how deep her brow was constantly furrowed?!

We’ll pick up with more next time.

Creative Arts Emmys! – Part 2 (Yeah, Let’s Keep Talking About the Dress)

August 30, 2014

Wondering, "uh, is this how it's supposed to look?" at the tailor shop. (The band on my arm is from some kidney tests earlier in the day.)
Wondering, “uh, is this how it’s supposed to look?” at the tailor shop. (The band on my arm is from some kidney tests earlier in the day.)

(If you want to skip dress/some body image talk, skip ahead to part 3.)

Picking up from last time –

Not that everything has to be about my looks, or my weight, or be stressful or anything. But since this sort of was in some ways, I’m just gonna share that a bit.

One of the reasons I bought the dress online was not just the convenience or affordability – it is that I hate shopping. Shopping is stressful. I’ve never put that much thought or energy into what I wear. I hate thinking about it. I hate seeing things on hangers, then seeing how they fit me and all the imperfections in the various things I wear. I have just never liked shopping. Eeesh.

So, part of the reason I just wanted to order a dress is so I could be done with it, without focusing on every small imperfection that’s amplified in its own special way in every dress.

Aurora De Lucia posing all posh with Sally
being super posh with one of my Emmy date’s mom between hair and make-up

One thing I learned about ordering online, is even though I took my measurements very carefully to make sure the dress wouldn’t be too tight, it came with a very loose top and a bottom that was a bit too tight.

So, I think if I were going to do it again, I’d add an inch to all my measurements just to be safe. You can always tailor something in, but you can’t always easily tailor something out, if you don’t have extra fabric to do it. So, there’s that.

But then, even having it tailored was an interesting experience in itself. As my body is ever-changing and I’m getting used to a new way I look, I feel like I just don’t necessarily understand yet how clothes fit. I was wondering, “uh, is this too tight?” And people were saying the skirt looked fine… and I think it did. I guess I just don’t have a good understanding of how clothes are supposed to fit – which I know is a weird thing to say, as humans generally have an understanding of how clothes work. And yet, it seems to be something I’m still figuring out.

Aurora De Lucia posing in her make-up after going to Blushington
posing in my make-up before I get my hair done – but my hair doesn’t look so bad all wild and such, if I do say so myself

The only other dress stuff I have to say is that I realized the day after that I didn’t get any beautiful single shots of myself. You know how people have red carpet shots, and they’re showing off their cool back and everything? I didn’t take any of just me.

As much as I wish I would’ve gotten a shot in that dress showing off the cool halter back –
1) the dress still exists and I can put it on anytime I want.
2) I actually think it’s nicer that I wasn’t preoccupied with getting shots of myself, as it wasn’t my night. All my shots are with other people, ’cause I was in the moment and celebrating them. We can get tons of shots of me when I go back for my own nomination. 😉

I’ll talk more about the Creative Arts Emmys in the next post.

Creative Arts Emmys! – Part 1 (How Did I Get To Go? & Dress Shopping)

August 29, 2014

Aurora trying on her dress for the Creative Arts Emmys 2014
Trying on my dress after it arrived in the mail! 🙂

Who did I go with? How did I get invited? So many questions every time I show someone a picture from the Emmys. 🙂 So, it’s time to fill ya in.

I went with a group of editors who got nominated for their work on Project Runway. (I knew them because I just finished working on a spinoff of that show.) I was honored to be invited to tag along to the Creative Arts Emmys!

Once I got invited, it became this whole thing of “what am I gonna wear?!” Great question!

‘Twas a wee bit stressful figuring it out. (When is it not, right?)

I did a little dress shopping in person (to get a much better idea of what’s going to fit, and how it’s going to fit, by actually trying something on).

But I
a) hate shopping and
b) didn’t have tons of time to try tons of places and
c) wanted a more affordable option than many stores had.

Aurora getting her make-up done at Blushington
getting my make-up done on the big day

So, I went online. That was a gamble, for sure. But I got the dress a week ahead of time. So, if it had really been a disaster, I would’ve made time, gone to the mall, and gotten something else.

Ultimately, I chose something that I thought looked classic, as though I was a super cool grown up going to an award show – but not so dressy that I was overdoing it (although it was totally tempting to want to bust in in a ballgown).

I almost ordered that same dress I wore, only with different colors (’cause you could do that on the cheapie, but surprisingly pretty good, site from which I ordered). However, I was convinced by Eileen (my official Emmy date) that you can’t go wrong with black and white.

close-up of Aurora getting her make-up done at Blushington before the Creative Arts EmmysWhile I admit she was right, you think I would’ve learned by now that you never wear white to anything! You especially don’t wear white on the upper part of your outfit. It’s right by your teeth! Dark clothes bring out your teeth. White clothes bring out any imperfections/dullness in your teeth. Or at least, that’s how it seems to me.

For the most part, my teeth ended up looking fine to me (yay!). Though there are a couple of photos that were taken that make it seem like all the color was just stripped away from my teeth. Weird how lighting and angles change everything, right? Aye, aye, aye the stress of how we look!

I have a few more thoughts on the dress in the next post – and then we’ll get to all the fun stuff – celebrities, the party, and all that! (Woot)

That Time I (Hopefully) Gave Away A Kidney – Part 24 (Big Kidney Day! – The Psychologist Asks, “What Stresses You Out?”)

August 27, 2014

Sign that says "you have three minutes" (highlighted)
A sign from the bathroom from my first lab tests in California… I thought it was a funny/interesting/sketchy bathroom, and that I’d take this picture for you…

Picking up from last time –

I honestly felt like from practically the moment I walked in the room, this woman was not on my side.

I am not one to usually blast people on the blog – especially when they can’t really defend themselves due to HIPAA laws… I won’t use her name or anything. But I’m telling this story, baby!

I like to be nice and tell the nice part of things. But sometimes things have to be told, and this is one of them.

So, within the first five minutes, I could tell she wasn’t going to recommend me to give a kidney. Yet, we still talked for another hour! I don’t know why.

I can’t pinpoint what happened in the first five minutes that made me know she wasn’t on my team. Maybe I was reading something that wasn’t there? (Kind of doubt it.) But I knew.

Now let’s get to the specifics of one of the worst conversations I’ve ever had.

She asks me what my big life stressors are. I say, “I know this is totally cheesy. And I’m sorry to answer this way, but everything is really wonderful in my life right now.”

I was feeling thankful and happy! After all, I live in the dopest apartment in all of Los Angeles. Every day that I walk in the lobby, I think about how lucky I am to live in such a nice place.

I’d recently finished my 52 half marathons. My dad was there supporting me. Even one of my role models Cory Booker congratulated me!

I had just finished a pretty sweet job.

I was riding high Price is Right. I even have this post from around that time where you can see. I was just wildly, grossly happy.

But when I said that, oh did she furrow her brow so deep. Please just, every time I say anything in this conversation, imagine the deepest furrowed brow possible on her part, because that is how she reacted to every single thing that I said.

Then, in a goading way, she was all, “Oh come on. Something’s stressful for you. How’s the money situation?”

I was all, “Money’s good. I mean, I’m not rich or anything. But I work a lot at nice jobs. I have all my basic needs met. I’m not worried. I’m good.”

Then, stupidly, because she was staring me down, and practically challenging me to be stressed (and she seemed to be pushing me to be stressed about money specifically) – grasping at straws trying to give the “right” answer, I said something like, ‘Well, I guess it sometimes stresses me out how horribly the California unemployment office operates. It’s hard to talk to a real person. I’m only just now getting paid for the Christmastime weeks. [This was happening in March.] So, I guess that can be really annoying just dealing with that.’

I didn’t realize that mentioning unemployment was going to be such a freaking huge thing. She acted as though just mentioning that word, I must constantly on the edge of a financial meltdown.

Hey lady, I freelance. It’s part of my life. I don’t personally know a single person in my industry who hasn’t filed unemployment at one point or another in the last few years. (I’m sure there are many wealthy people who probably don’t. But every person I’ve met on my level, and really a little above mine, totally does.)

This seemed to be a freaking huge point of contention with her. “You know you don’t get unemployment while you’re in the hospital, right?”

I do know that. There are a lot of restrictions on unemployment.

You know that unemployment doesn’t pay that much money, right?

I don’t want to sound ungrateful. Every bit of money always helps. But I’m not going to implode from a couple of planned weeks without any money. Of course it’s not ideal to have no money coming in, but it’s a handle-able for a but of time. It’s part of my life as a freelancer. That’s why I make at least somewhat good-ish money when I do work – to survive when I don’t.

She didn’t seem to mind me paying for this medical trip to Ohio – which happened to require a plane ticket that would be equivalent to a week of unemployment. Just saying.

Even though I did try to explain that in the nicest way I could, she wasn’t having it. Once she heard the word “unemployment,” You could see in her eyes, I was a bum to her.

*Annoyed sigh*

This is where I’ll pick up next time.

My Feelings So Far on 52 Volunteer Activities – Part 4 (Lessons I’d Take Away for Volunteer Coordinating)

August 26, 2014

Aurora posing as a silent audtion runnerPicking up from last time –

I’ve learned a number of things that I think would be helpful if I were a volunteer coordinator.

1) When you offer food, get more of whatever the vegetarian option is. Places often seem to run out of it. Meat eaters are free to eat the vegetarian option if there’s too much, but it doesn’t work the other way around.

2) While we’re on the subject of food, healthy options are wonderful! It’s lovely when carrots are set out. People running on healthy food will do better work, but you’d be surprised at how many places (even places that have something to do with health) have cookies as a main snack. (I don’t want to sound unappreciative about food. These are just takeaways I have.)

3) Appreciate your volunteers. I can tell you off the top of my head the organizations that sent me a thank you card (Western Justice Center and Hope University), because an actual thank you card in the mail really stands out.
American Bone Health handed out Certificates of Appreciation at their event. That was almost a little silly for one day of work (though they did ask us to watch a lot of presentations beforehand, so maybe that’s why).

4) Speaking of presentations, think about what you can really expect from your volunteers. If people volunteer to work for a few hours on one Saturday, they are most likely not going to want to watch presentations that total more than that amount of time. (And for the Bone Health thing, we didn’t even need all that extra information. And that’s not the only place that expected something like that (with little gain for the volunteers).)

I love information. Information is wonderful. (And ultimately, I guess I really would err on the side of too much as opposed to not enough. So, I can’t super complain about this one…) But people can only take so much information (especially before an event they’re barely involved in, when they’re not thinking much about it).

So, try to maybe be a little careful as you walk the delicate line between telling volunteers everything they’d want to know, and too much. Email enough reminders so people don’t forget, but not so many that they feel overwhelmed. (People are emailed a lot in life.)

Aurora De Lucia laughing while pushing a cart at the California Jazz Foundation's Give the Band a Hand eventIt’s helpful to include important information (date, time, location) in bold.

Things that are interesting or clear to see (charts, graphs, spreadsheets, infographics, or even nicely laid out emails) are easier to scan and take in than big pages of information barely broken up.

5) If you have to overbook your volunteers (as you most likely will), personally, I think it’d be nice to tell them they’re the overbooked group. At least they’ll know what they’re getting into, and can try to come somewhat prepared with a book or something.

Or even better yet – have some kind of project you need done. There *has* to be something the extra people can do – take pictures of everyone who’s working so you can have stuff for your social media presence, organize files on your computer that no one’s gotten around to, make spreadsheets of some sort. Every organization has to have some work that needs to be done, right? So, it boggles my mind when I’m told there’s nothing to do…

6) (And this is sort of just a nice bonus) Tell some interesting facts. The Los Angeles Food Bank had a video with interesting statistics in it. Operation Gratitude told us how many care packages we’d made by the end of the day (and they had awesome food trucks outside – though that does go against my fight for healthy eating at the beginning ;)).

Those are the takeaways I can think of. Can any of you who volunteer a lot think of any more?

My Feelings So Far on 52 Volunteer Activities – Part 3 (A Little More Meh Stuff, Like Needing An Occasional Attitude Adjustment)

August 25, 2014

Aurora smiling making a paracord braceletPicking up from last time –

I’ll admit I’ve been taking on sort of a lot lately with various marathon training, working a lot, plus all the volunteer activities and yada yada yada. There’s always an excuse. It’s too easy to say “I’m busy.” There are people doing a million more things than I am.

So, I’m handling it all and not trying to complain here. But still, sometimes I’m tired. I might end up working late and going to bed late, and sometimes I just want to sleep in. (That maybe sounds a little weak, but it happens.) And I think sometimes my sort of tiredness has been coming through.

When I go to volunteer activities with an open heart, excited to be there, it’s a different feeling than “Oh my goodness, as soon as this is over I need to get to the next one (or to work, or to sleep, or the gym, or wherever else in the world I might need to go).”

As I’ve said before, attitude is a humongous part of life. My joyous attitude slipped a bit when there were multiple times in a pretty short time span that I got sent home from an event early because there was nothing to do…

But technically, if I’m as cool and enlightened as Cory Booker seems, then nothing could change my attitude. Conceivably, your attitude is supposed to be something you decide. Everything else that happens around you is just stuff that happens. It doesn’t affect anything.

Aurora posing as a judge at the Western Justice Center's Peer Mediation InvitationalHowever, I’m not that enlightened. I do get cranky sometimes because of things happening around me.

And I think sometimes it’s been a little stressful trying to make sure I hit all my numbers of volunteer activities. I’m trying to pile on in the beginning, because I do not want to be volunteering during the holidays. And those false starts where I go and there’s nothing to do, so I go home – they’re slowing me down!

I think the goal of 52 in a year is a good one because it keeps me accountable, and it’s measurable. It shouldn’t be all that wildly difficult (aka totally doable), yet it’s still difficult enough to feel like there’s a challenge aspect to it.

But sometimes it seems like I might be getting slightly too worried about the numbers, and losing my focus on the actual important parts – helping others, growing, learning, enjoying the experiences as they come – all that stuff.

I have one more post about being mid-way through this project, where I’ll talk about what I’ve learned if I ever were a volunteer coordinator – tomorrow.

That Time I (Hopefully) Gave Away A Kidney – Part 23 (Big Kidney Day! – Setting The Scene With The Psychologist)

August 24, 2014

Aurora making a face in a medical office
Why yes, I do in fact have one more selfie in the medical office after my CT with contrast with my rosy cheeks and all because I love making faces… and I am hardcore runnin’ out of photos, y’all!

Picking up from yesterday –

Oh goodness. Let me set the scene.

I literally felt like I was on a reality show. You know how on reality shows they keep contestants on weird schedules, and don’t let them sleep, and they feed them as little as possible, and the producer feeds them a bunch of leading questions in interviews, and all that jazz – basically everyone behind the show just doing their best to push contestants to the brink to be as emotional as humanly possible to make for great TV?

That’s what I felt they were doing to me!

I had some test I had to do after all these meetings for which I had to be fasting. So I hadn’t gotten to eat all day. (And if you’re wondering why I didn’t just eat first thing in the morning because I still could’ve had 8 hours – it’s because I’d been told I had some other blood test in the middle of this day for which I also had to be fasting. So, there was no time of the day when I wasn’t fasting for one of them.)

So, I wasn’t allowed to eat during this entire Big Kidney Day. The day started super early in the morning. I’d been asked the same exact questions all day long by all the different people. (Why do you want to give a kidney? Why do you want to do it in Ohio? Why do you want to give to a stranger? Etc. Etc.) So, by the time I saw the psychologist – the very last interview at the end of a long and draining day, I might add – I’d already said everything 8 times already.

Once I was talking to her, I started feeling like a crazy person repeating myself. “Uh, have I already told you this part?” It was all running together. It was all just orchestrated so perfectly… I’m honestly surprised to hear a producer wasn’t behind it all, and that I wasn’t secretly being taped.

Okay. I am honestly so unbelievably upset about this horrible, horrible, infuriating conversation. I’m over here reminding myself to breathe… So, get angry. Get ready. And let’s start it on Wednesday.

My Feelings So Far on 52 Volunteer Activities – Part 2 (Some of the Meh Stuff, Like When You’re Not Needed)

August 23, 2014

Aurora pointing people in the right direction at the Miles for Melanoma 5k Picking up from yesterday –

There have been some things that haven’t been quite so perfect.

I’ve learned that many places overbook volunteers. I understand why they do it, because it’s easy to lose people. I hate admitting that even I have bowed out of an event here or there because something changed with my work schedule. I always give as much notice as I can – but sometimes that’s not a lot.

So, I understand why places do it. But then when everyone shows up, it can get really boring for the people with nothing to do. Then it starts to feel like a waste. “What am I doing with my time? Why did I trek over here?”

It also makes it that much easier to have thoughts run through my head of, “Eh, I’m tired. I could blow this one off. They probably won’t need me anyway.” Of course, that could then feed into the problem of places feeling they need to overbook. So, it’s sort of a cycle, I suppose.

It’s a running complaint with many volunteers. I didn’t know how common it was until I heard other volunteers mentioning past events where they felt totally useless.

I think one thing that sort of combats this problem is getting specific assignments ahead of time. I got a grid sent to me for a gala I’d be working. It stated very clearly who’d be working what, and what times they’d be doing it. You could see your place where you’d fit, and you could see that you were indeed needed. I found that helpful.

group at a hygiene event posing with towelsNot only looking to what places can do to be better, I can look at myself too, because I think there are things I could be doing better.

Something similar to what happened during my 52 half marathons is happening here. In the middle of the project, I sort of felt a little lull. It’s not the exciting beginning. It’s not ramping up to the end. It’s just there in the middle, and you want to power through, and get that middle part done.

I think the middle could be just as awesome as the bookends, yet in both projects I’ve felt a bit of a lull…

And this is where I’ll pick up next time.

My Feelings So Far on 52 Volunteer Activities – Part 1 (An Interesting, Enlightening, and Worthwhile Project)

August 22, 2014

Aurora De Lucia giving a huge smile while opening a box at Trash for TeachingI’m more than halfway through my 52 volunteer activities project. So, I wanted to check in with how I’m feeling, how it’s going, and all that jazz.

This has been a worthwhile project for me, and overall it’s been enjoyable.

I’ve learned a lot. For instance, I’ve learned about more problems than I really knew existed (such as the incredible lack of phys ed in many schools), and I’ve learned about many cool organizations (that I also didn’t really know existed) working to solve those various problems (such as Trash for Teaching which melds sustainability with creativity).

I’ve gotten to push myself in new and cool ways. I uprooted dead trees and painted kids’ faces – things I don’t have experience doing. So, that was wonderful.

I found out about some awesomely cool stuff I’d never heard of before – such as ice cream made without using a freezer (in a responsible, sustainable, and delicious way), and a game made for blind people that’s mesmerizing to watch.

So, basically, wow! What an interesting and fulfilling year it’s been thus far.

Aurora De Lucia in a police cruiser pretending to talk on a walkie talkieIt’s also been interesting to me to think more about various issues. I fed the homeless, but then on my police ride-along, I heard that’s not really all that helpful. (So the questions start to come up of what is really doing good?)

I also was very happy to help an organization I strongly believe in, but I did it by doing girls’ hair. That made me question, am I really helping to empower women by doing their hair? Or am I playing into stereotypes?

So, there’s been a lot of questioning, reflecting, learning, and basically all sorts of good stuff going on for me this year.

I don’t know if I always get the answers right, or if perhaps sometimes I maybe even ask too many questions (though I think that’s almost an impossibility). But it’s been interesting for sure.

While this has been generally the good stuff, I have some other stuff to say about this project tomorrow.

(#31) Freedom From Fractures (July 12, 2014)

August 21, 2014

This volunteer activity took place right down the street from my house. Bone health? Convenience? Sounds good to me!

Well, first off, do I even really believe in the things American Bone Health is preaching?

If you’re a long-time reader of the blog, you saw my vegan challenge and know that at the time I was all, “oh my precious dairy. I love dairy. Don’t I need it for strong bones?”

But in the time since, I’ve been reading and listening to different places about different things… And as much as I hate to admit I may have been wrong, I do think that our information on dairy is heavily influenced by money. The National Dairy Council has an agenda. Of course they do, and it’s not bad to have an agenda. Don’t we all have some sort of agenda, even if it’s a good one? We all have some interest to protect.

The National Dairy Council has its interest, and its money flows freely to protect that interest. But I will say, I have cut way, way down on my dairy… and I feel great.

I understand that feeling great now doesn’t necessarily mean anything. Will I have weak bones someday? Do I feel great because of any other number of changes? I’ve been losing weight. I’m sure that contributes… But has part of my weight loss been attributed to cutting out a big chunk of my normal dairy consumption? I dunno.

I’m kinda going on a tangent here. But we were there with American Bone Health. On American Bone Health’s website, it gives tips for getting more calcium. It gives tips for people who are lactose intolerant to be able to consume more dairy. From where were those tips adapted? …The National Dairy Council.

None of this really matters, because we weren’t even telling people to drink milk. (Just to be clear, I’m not telling people not to drink milk. I’m just not saying drink it. I’m saying I don’t know the answers.)

All we were doing was telling people if they had a high risk for fractures based on their age, weight, and lifestyle factors. If they did have a high risk, they could talk to a pharmacy intern.

One hilarious thing was that we were told to watch multiple videos (some of them long-ish) to be “trained” for this event. But we didn’t have to be that trained at all. Put info into a computer system. Hit enter. If the person is high risk, send her to the pharmacy intern. And scene.

So, that was just sort of interesting to me.

Basically, I have nothing to really say about this even. I think we saw two people in total, so 1/3 of the number of people volunteering for the event participated in the event.

Other than that, I just talked to the interesting volunteers. We talked and sat and laughed and shared. And two people found they didn’t have a high risk for fractures.

Oh, and then we got certificates of appreciation. I didn’t feel like I did much to earn it. But it’s always nice to be appreciated. 31 down! 21 to go.

That Time I (Hopefully) Gave Away A Kidney – Part 22 (Big Kidney Day! – Some Complaining)

August 20, 2014

Aurora holding a water bottle outside the hosptial
The huge water bottle they gave me after my test with contrast – reminding me to hydrate

Picking up from yesterday –

So, this is super annoying because there are definitely times of the year when I work more and less than others. (I’m sure this is true of many professions.) So, telling me that March is a definite possibility when it is absolutely not at all a possibility is annoying to me.

So, the earliest I could’ve possibly given a kidney, I now found out was June. But what if June didn’t work for me? The 2nd half of the year is usually the time I work the most. Your kidney tests are only good for a year after you have them. So, if March/April was the best time for me, and I knew that couldn’t be accommodated with starting tests in December, then I might’ve waited until July-ish and started having tests looking forward to March/April the following year…

‘Cause all those labs and 24-hour urine collections I did in December/January, they all would’ve expired, and they would’ve needed to be done again had I had to wait ’til March the following year.

Of course, the point is kind of moot now because I was rejected. Also, my schedule isn’t super rigid. It doesn’t have to be March. I’m just saying, though, when I go out of my way to clarify information (at least three times during the process) and make absolutely sure I’m on the right page with what’s going on… then why don’t you just give me the full picture? What is so hard about that?

And while we’re complaining, here we go. Let’s complain again!

At the end of my day, I had to see a psychologist. Why? Because I wanted to give a kidney to a stranger.

Now, let me just say this. One of the guys from Big Kidney Day… Don’t get me wrong. I’m not at all trying to throw him under the bus. He seemed like an incredibly sweet, wonderful human being… But one of the guys barely knew his person. I mean, really.

I don’t remember the exact line of connection. But it was something like his co-worker’s wife’s church friend (or something like that) needed a kidney. But did he have to see a psychologist? No! Why? Because he “knew” the person. So, can I just ask you, where do we draw the line of “stranger”? So, to me, this seemed pretty unfair.

You know what else I find a little silly about this whole 3-month waiting period/extra psychologist visit for an altruistic donor… I would think if anyone has made a thoughtful/logical decision, it’s the person who just wants to give to a stranger. I would think there’d be way more likelihood of pressure and possible regret when family is involved. As they said in Sex and the City, “love is not logical!” You hear someone you love is sick, and your emotions jump out the window.

So, the whole things seems a bit backwards to me, but oh well. I’ll jump through your hoops. It’s fine. It’s just one more meeting. I like meeting people… usually.

And I’ll pick up here next time.

(#30) Proyecto Pastoral Women’s Conference (June 28th, 2014)

August 19, 2014

Aurora ladles food onto a plate at the Proyecto Pastoral Women's Conference 2014 (in a shirt far too large for her, because it was all they had).After the ukulele festival, I took a little walk down to this women’s conference.

Part of the description on the website says, “The day-long conference includes health, leadership, and personal development workshops designed to address challenges of poor working families and single mothers. Workshops are designed to educate women and young girls on preventative health practices.”

So, I figured, great. I’m all about women being empowered and educated. Sounds good.

And I’m sure it was good – probably. I don’t really know because I couldn’t understand the vast majority of what was said. Even though the volunteer listing and the website itself were both in English, the entire event was in Spanish!

The printed programs were in Spanish. The lunch speech and music were in Spanish. The people in charge of the volunteers spoke English, and that was practically it.

By the way, how many times am I going to go to a place in Los Angeles where English is not understood until I truly learn that it is necessary for me to learn Spanish. I’m always saying, “I’ll learn it. I’ll learn it.” Here’s my question (to myself). When?

I don’t know when. But I do know that:
a) I should.
b) as things stand, I do not understand Spanish.

Aurora ladling food onto a plate at a women's conference (side view)So, I get there. My instructions were to basically kill time ’til it was time to help serve lunch. So, I checked out some booths around. There was a skin care booth there run by Murad. They had this contraption in which you could stick your face, and all the greasy parts would be lit up one color, and damaged/darkening spots would be lit up another.

It was pretty terrifying and somewhat horrible. I was a bit concerned that my under eye area looked so dark. They told me that area looks dark even on elementary schoolers. Aye, aye, aye. There’s no winning. Out skin is gonna be our skin…

Of course, I’m sure the people at Murad would tell you there is some winning with their products. But I’m very stressed in general about my skin – which of course is bad for your skin. So let’s just move off this topic.

At lunch time, I helped prepare plates of food for over a hundred women at the conference. Some speech was given in Spanish. It was kind of funny to hear a crowd of people all laugh together when I had no real idea of when it was coming. It’s interesting to be in a place where you don’t understand anything at all…

After I helped plate all the food, I was done. There wasn’t much more for me to do. There were plenty of volunteers already. Some accompanied groups to the workshops. Of course, I wouldn’t have understood a word of the workshop – or anyone who tried to ask me a question.

But I was able to serve lunch. So, there you have it. Number 30 down!

(#29d) Los Angeles Ukulele Festival (June 28th, 2014)

August 18, 2014

Aurora posing with her mouth open in her square at the Guinness record attempt at the Los Angeles Ukulele festivalI went to help count people, as this festival was going for breaking the Guinness record for the biggest ukulele ensemble.

I kinda thought they were gonna do it, and I was pretty excited for them. Alas, it did not happen.

They taped off squares in a courtyard, and we each got number. We were to all be in charge of 50 people in our square. I was square 26. (So, I would’ve had people #1300 – 1350 with me.) They needed 2,135 people to beat the record… They didn’t even get to my square.

So, basically, I just hung out. I answered some questions for some people as far as where to register. So, at least I did feel the tiniest bit helpful. Someone asked me about the official hashtag of the event. She was super into social media, and we didn’t have anything! I even checked the official sites tied to this event – and nothing. Oof.

I also met some more people from the high school diploma program with the CAS (creativity, athletics, and service) requirements. (I even ran into one of the same people from the Heart of the City 5k.)

After the failed world record attempt, I went to sign out and leave for my next event.

It was so interesting to me to see how the same event can be looked at with such different perspectives. When I was leaving, I thought of it as though we had failed. We wanted to break a record. We didn’t. End of sad story.

But as I was leaving, the very cheerful woman at the volunteer sign in/out asked, “why don’t you grab a ukulele and go play?”

It was actually exceptionally cool that they had ukuleles there that you could borrow. And the back of the event shirts had the finger patterns for the 4 different notes they used for a simple song. So even if you didn’t know how to play the ukulele at all, you could just look at the back of the shirt of the person in front of you, and jam on with the – while not world-record breaking big, still very large – ensemble.

The person at the volunteer booth seemed to think that was cool and exciting. And really, isn’t it? To be playing and instrument and sharing that experience with a bunch of strangers around you – all playing at the same time.

However, somewhat regrettably, I didn’t do it. I just went on my way to the next event that day.

That Time I (Hopefully) Gave Away A Kidney – Part 21 (Big Kidney Day! – Meeting With The Other Health Professionals)

August 17, 2014

Aurora making a face in front of the blood pressure machine
Making a different face in front of the blood pressure machine, because, why not? 😛

Sort of picking up from last time –

Going back to Big Kidney Day. After the meeting with the social workers, I met with everyone else on the team. Everybody rotated around so that each of us (in the group of patients) would have one-on-one meetings with all the medical professionals.

There isn’t anything earth-shattering to report about the meetings with anyone else (well, until we get to the psychologist… but you know, in all these in-between people).

The donor advocate explained that she is there for us and purely for us. She doesn’t even have access to the charts of the people who need kidneys because they think it’s important for a person to be completely on the side of the donor without any feelings or thoughts for the recipients clouding any judgement.

I also met the nurse coordinators. I talked with the surgeon and the nephrologist. Everyone was cool and fine. Nothing big to report here – just little conversations making sure I understood everything from the morning.

The only thing about this section that bothered me was that one of the doctors mentioned, “well, the earliest you’ll be in surgery is June.” The donor coordinator happened to be walking by at the time, which was helpful, so we could clear this up.

For me, at the time, March seemed like it would be the best time to give. As I mentioned earlier, back in December, I asked how long it would take to go through the process. She said it usually takes about three months. I asked at least three times throughout the process if we were still probably on for a March donation. Each time she said if things kept going the way they were, it looked like we could be.

Only now, at Big Kidney Day, after I’d already flown to Ohio, did I find out from her as she happened to pass by in the hallway, “Oh yeah. Altruistic donors have to have an additional three-month waiting period once their application is complete.” (This is a “cooling off period” to make sure donors are really, really, really sure.)

You couldn’t have told me this anytime before this very moment?!

I mean, I guess we could say maybe at the beginning she didn’t say that, since I was being tested for someone specifically. But we found out pretty early that I was not a match for him and would be giving altruistically. So, when I kept checking in about March, you could’ve given me a heads up…

Let’s pick up here next time.

(#29c) Downtown LA Night Market HRC Booth (June 21, 2014)

August 16, 2014

Are we ever going to get out of number 29?

We will next time – but alas, still not this time.

This was the night of my mud run. I thought it might not be an awesome idea to volunteer later at night on the same day I had to do an obstacle course early in the morning. But my feeling was I’d take a nap. Well, I did not take a nap.

I finally got sleepy right around the time I needed to leave for the event. Eesh.

There was a big part of me that wanted to just say, “I ain’t coming!” But I’d already gotten follow-up emails, and even two phone calls (one very recently) confirming I’d be there. Flaking out is already totally horrible, but to do it when I’d been confirmed a million times – well, I just couldn’t do that.

So, I went to this night market right down the street from my apartment (that was the best part).

When I got the Human Rights Campaign booth, there were 6 of us working a 2-person table. I thought maybe it’d only be that way for a 1/2 hour of shift change. Alas, no.

Now, I have two modes. I am very energetic and outgoing and such, for sure. But sometimes, if I don’t feel like there’s a place for me, or if there are just a few too people around, I kind of turtle up a bit to give people room to take their space and do their thing. (I know. Excuses, excuses, right?)

I’m sure I looked so tired. I tried to get it together and look awake. But it was hard for me to feel engaged at a table where there wasn’t even room for everybody.

Since we were obviously overstaffed, I thought about asking if I could go home early. But I thought, “no! I cannot stay on #29 any longer. I just cannot. I will stick it out – even if that means I sit here and do nothing.”

I think the leader saw my not-quite-awakeness, ’cause he asked if I wanted to go home. I wasn’t trying to be rude or standoff-ish. It’s just hard to engage with people when your booth has way more people than the small groups that ever come over.

Since he seemed like he wanted me to go home, and I was worried my tiredness was bringing down the table, I went home, totally embarrassed.

I don’t get sent home from events! That’s not me. I’m a star! *puts hand under chin, looks up to the side [“bling” sound effect]* It was so embarrassing, and I hope to never think about it or experience it again. Eesh.

(#29b) Santa Monica Festival (June 14, 2014)

August 15, 2014

Aurora with dancersThis also doesn’t yet conclude #29. Why, you ask? Because I got paid. So, I never expected this to conclude #29. And that’s all good with me.

But I thought I’d share it anyway, because I found the festival to be interesting.

I got the side gig at this festival because I’d volunteered at the Santa Monica Airport Art Walk.

I have learned through all my experiences (and through the wise words of Sutton Foster in an interview I did with her for my school paper) – you never, ever, ever (ever) turn down work, if you can take it.

(By “if you can take it,” I mean don’t blow off gigs you already have. But if you’re free and anyone offers you work, you take it because you never know to what it might lead.)

Funnily enough, this event actually led to my police ride-along!

So, there you have it. You always take every job offered to you. Period.

(Side note: It was interesting to be paid hourly again. I was actually a whole lot better with money in the couple of weeks following this event… Not that I’m usually bad with money or anything. But, every time I thought about anything unnecessary such as a coffee or some gum, I’d think “that’s this many minutes of my time. Is coffee worth that?” So, that was cool. Perhaps I should work hourly a bit more often.)

As far as the actual work portion of this event, I don’t have anything wildly interesting to say. I was co-stage-manager of one of the smaller stages. Groups came and went. People were nice and lovely. It was good.

I mainly just wanted to talk about the festival itself. I thought this was such a cool idea! Does every city have a festival like this? ‘Cause this was the first one I’d heard of.

There were booth telling you how to save energy, how to take the metro more often or ride your bike. There were places where you could meet your local government officials (with cool coloring books explaining how legislation worked, so that was kind of awesome).

The library had a booth, as did places offering language classes. Basically, there was tons of stuff you could learn about to improve your life and the lives of those around you in your city. I thought it was a genius idea, and I’m so glad I was invited to work there!

(#29a) AIDS LifeCycle Finish Line (June 7, 2014)

August 14, 2014

Aurora shrugging with a not much to do faceYet again, I call this a (of a and b (and actually in c in this case)) because I gotta do another activity, since I went home early from this one.

I went straight after Color Me Rad, and felt a little weird with color all up in my hair. But I figured, “it’s a party here too, so why not?” (That was actually the exact same attitude the volunteer coordinator had about it – before I even said anything.)

The main reason I wanted to volunteer with this event was because at some point, I really want to participate in this event! I found out about it back when I did my first bike ride, and have had it in the back of my mind ever since. So when the opportunity to volunteer came up, I thought that’d be an awesome way to get a feel for the finish.

I’ll say this. The ride was so staffed, and was run by people who were so on top of everything that if I were a ride, I’d feel nothing but love and such. I absolutely still want to ride. It looks absolutely spectacular!

But as a volunteer, I’d asked if I could come a little late. They said that’d by fine. But by the time I got there, there was nothing else that was needed.

They gave me a shirt (that I now feel bad for wearing since I didn’t do much). They gave me a delicious volunteer lunch. (It was super nice of them that they fed the volunteers – and with healthy and vegetarian options even.)

They looked around for something for me to do. There were a few of us who didn’t really have a station to tend to. One volunteer walked around to literally every area to see if any captain needed any more help. And not a single one did.

So, we kinda hung out. One of the volunteer coordinators suggested we go cheer so at least we were doing something. I went over to the finish to cheer. I like to think of myself as an awesome enthusiastic cheerer. But there was a whole cheer squad tumbling and such. Even the cheers were more than taken care of.

Cheerleaders cheering at AIDS LifeCycleI walked around a bit, seeing if there was trash to pick up. I looked sauntered by some other stations. (Of course they were still full – and the captains I overheard were taking care of their volunteers like crazy. “Hey, you’ve been working hard. How ’bout you take a break.” “Here, I brought over some water for you.”

The atmosphere was awesome. Everybody there seemed incredible. I contemplated sticking around to see if maybe at some point they might be able to use me for something. But they were so well covered, and I had plenty of work to do on various projects. So, I hopped on a bus and headed home. (Wah wah.)

That Time I (Hopefully) Gave Away A Kidney – Part 20 (Who’s On First?)

August 13, 2014

cool couch at OSU Medical Center
This was a couch in the lounge area of the hospital place that I thought was really cool. (As you can tell, I’m really scraping the bottom of the barrel to get photos here…)

Picking up from last time –

She’s all “but you have support, right?”
And I say, “Yes, of course! I still have a big network out here. But does that matter? I’m just trying to understand.”
“But you don’t need to understand. It won’t change our procedures!”

It felt like I was in the Who’s On First sketch. (I even wrote that in my notes and chuckled when I saw it.)

At some point (I think it was before this whole circular argument business), she told me to just use google. I tried to explain that I did google things and while there was a lot of information on everything else, there wasn’t so much on what she was talking about.

Then she practically yells at me – I’m not even exaggerating! – She literally stands up, so she’s totally in the power position of seated me. She practically yells to check UNOS’s website and TransplantLiving.org – both of which I’ve been to, thank you very much.

I try to explain I’ve been to both of those sites, but I’m getting a little mousy because she’s seriously angry. Instead of matching it, I’m kind of retreating…

She honestly made me feel like I was two inches tall. I just don’t think this is what a medical professional is supposed to do.

She also told me not to come back in person. If I have a question I should email. Well, sorry! I already had to return something. I happened to be here, so I might as well ask a question while I’m here… I get maybe you don’t want your day interrupted. Eesh.

You didn’t *have* to come talk to me. As I said I was already there so I just mentioned a question. You could’ve said you were busy and emailed or called me later…

And, can we back track for one second to when she said, “We’re just like medical doctors!” And she asked me if she were a medical doctor if I’d be more likely to believe her…

During the morning of Big Kidney Day – without prompting, without us even having to ask – while the doctors were giving their lecture in front of the class (not really a class, but you know, us…), they went through every single teeny bit of minutiae – every bit!

They didn’t just tell us they did laparoscopic surgery. They told us exactly why. They didn’t just tell us the left kidney was more likely to be taken – they told us why. They told us every tiny detail anyone could’ve wanted… and they always followed it up with precisely why it was that way.

And anytime any person had any question, they were happy to throughly answer it with no problems.

So what’s this lady’s deal?!

And I get that now that I’ve spent so many days talking about this, I seem a little ridiculous. But you know how somehow you get in fights with people over the stupidest things in the universe – and when you boil it down, you’re not really arguing over whether George or Ringo is better (or whatever) – you’re really arguing to be treated better or more fairly, or to feel like you’re being heard? I think this was just one of those.

I mean, I still it’s a legitimate question to ask if the person present at my surgery has to be my power of attorney to be able to make decisions if something goes wrong… But I certainly don’t think it needed to be as big of a deal as it was.

I didn’t need to make it that big of a deal… But I refused to feel walked all over. I don’t want to have a surgery in an environment where someone on my team doesn’t seem to be looking out for my best interest – she just seems to be checking a box (and putting me down in the process). Does that make sense?

I truly am trying to live a life where I try to work on understanding more than being understood. And I’m trying to work on being patient. But in this specific situation, I am being selfish. I care about me. And I want to have a spectacular experience being a kidney patient where I trust the medical professionals around me, and I trust that ultimately they are looking out for *me* (not for themselves).

We’ll pick up back on Big Kidney Day on Sunday.

Irvine Lake “Summer of Mud” Obstacle Course Run – Blindfolded! (June 21, 2014) – Part 14 (Wrapping Up)

August 11, 2014

Aurora standing in the grass looking down before the start of the Irvine Lake Blind Mud Run 2014Picking up from last time –

After I got home, I washed my muddy stuff in its own load – and I washed it all 3 times. Aye, aye, aye. So much mud.

In between the washing of my clothes, I just laid on my living room floor, because sitting seemed too bothersome, as did going the whole extra 30 feet to my bedroom.

(If a 5k obstacle course was this tough, I can’t wait to see what awaits for me in the Spartan Race!)

So, I guess if I wanted to break down the lessons for future mud runs, here are my takeaways:
1) Bring plenty of towels (that you don’t care too much about) and plastic bags.

2) Wear shoes you can donate.

3) Think about treating even a 3 1/2 miler like a sort of legitimate race, ’cause it was way harder than expected (but maybe that’s just for me). (I wouldn’t actually have done anything different leading up to it – I would’ve just had different expectations.

Aurora in line to pick up her race packet at the Irvine Lake Mud Run Obstacle Course 20144) And then be prepared to wash your clothes a gajillion times. (And still don’t wear anything you adore, ’cause the coloring might still be off…)

5) Take a whole bunch of pictures. Get other people to take pictures. Pictures everywhere. Pictures. (And when you can actually see the photographer, give her some eye contact and make sure you mug it up with all your expressions, getting your posing on.)

Lessons aside, this was an absolutely exceptional day – one of the coolest things I’ve done maybe ever, and certainly this year. I would so be happy to do it again. Amazing, amazing, amazing, and I can’t recommend it highly enough!

That Time I (Hopefully) Gave Away A Kidney – Part 19 (Social Workers Are Serious Business Too)

August 10, 2014

huge chair at OSU medical center
Another huge chair in this hospital for giants 🙂 This is one where I got to have my EKG taken

Picking up from last time –

So, the social worker had made such a huge stink about statistics, stating that all patients do better with tons of support and people basically crowding them after surgery.

I went online to try to find what she must be talking about. I’ll admit, I didn’t go research paper level on this or anything, but I looked. There were plenty of studies about risks of kidney donation and other related things such as hernias, death rates, all that jazz. But there wasn’t really anything sticking out about having someone stay with you versus not having someone stay with you.

One thing that is so hilarious about this is that I would be staying with someone! Whether it’s my great friend Emily for the first few days, or my parents, or my mentor/best friend who’d always open her home to me – whomever it is, my home is in California! So, I’d automatically be staying with someone if I were in Ohio.

That’s why I don’t even understand why this became an issue! If this woman weren’t so aggressive and in my face, it never would’ve been. I don’t know why she had to treat me that way. You’d think a social worker would be good at dealing with people. But you’d be wrong.

I had to go back to the transplant center in the next day or two to return a blood pressure monitor. (Sorry to fast forward a bit in the story. We’ll go back to Big Kidney Day.) While I was there, I saw my donor coordinator and asked if it was possible to ask if I could just see the studies the social worker had told me about (and by told me about, I meant shoved in my face, but I’m nice… (usually, although I’m coming across pretty hostile in this story…)).

She goes and gets the social worker for me. I have a page in my kidney notebook about this conversation that I wrote the moment I got in the car so I wouldn’t forget everything she said.

I try to explain that something just still didn’t click with me from our conversation and I’m just wondering if I could take a look at the studies.

This is where the conversation picks up in my notebook:

“I just figured you might have the statistics.”
“On hand?!”
“Maybe, because you seemed so sure.”
“I AM really sure. But I’m not gonna give them to you. I’m not giving you studies. I’m not gonna look it up. I have other patients.”

Then she goes on this whole thing of “If I were a medical doctor would you believe it more?!”

Ah. That’s something I never once brought up or implied. So, I think we see where some deep-seeded stuff is probably going on… Not that I’m a medical doctor who can really say, but I’m just saying…

I answer that no, it wouldn’t matter. I’m only trying to educate myself.

She says that it’s good for patients to educate themselves, but it will never change protocol.

I say I’m not trying to change protocol. I just want to understand what’s so important about having people in the waiting room during a surgery from which you spend the night (and why it’s possibly necessary for multiple weeks to have someone there literally 24/7).

I don’t know if it’s UNOS mandated or hospital or what. And I’m just curious about the process and the world around me.

Then she’s all, “But the answers don’t matter. Because protocol is protocol.”
“But I’m not trying to change protocol. I’m trying to understand it.” That goes on and on in circles.

I’ll pick up here next time.

Irvine Lake “Summer of Mud” Obstacle Course Run – Blindfolded! (June 21, 2014) – Part 13 (Photos)

August 9, 2014

Aurora being led uphill by her guides at the Irvine Lake Blind Mud Run Obstacle Course 2014Picking up from last time –

Before I write my final entry on this event (for Monday), I want to bring up the pictures really fast!

I didn’t think too terribly much about the professional pictures while on the course. (I mean, I did a little because at one point Joanna told me a photographer was there. That made me so happy to remember our big moments were being caught.)

But, once the photos came out, I didn’t see myself in practically any of them! I looked through all 18,000. (*Shakes head at my waste of time.*) I saw myself in the background a few times – you can see my face. But there are none of me looking super cool and conquer-y.

So, maybe that is the one bad thing about being blindfolded. Sometimes in half marathons or marathons, I look for the camera. When I see it, I try to look extra pose-y or fast or fun or whatever.

Here, I didn’t know where the camera was, which meant I couldn’t do all my mugging to the camera. Also, our bibs were basically never visible between the mud and the various body positions you had to be in for climbing and such. Hence, why I looked through all 18,000 to try to find sweet photos of me and my new buds.

So, thank goodness I took so many photos before/after the race, and that I had a friend who could see the last quarter mile or so and took a bunch of pictures of that.

But where am I on the water slide, and climbing up and down nets, and doing all that stuff in the middle?

*Single tear*

I’ll finish up here Monday

Irvine Lake “Summer of Mud” Obstacle Course Run – Blindfolded! (June 21, 2014) – Part 12 (Harder Than I Thought)

August 8, 2014

Aurora sliding down a small wooden hill obstacle at the Irvine Lake Blind Mud Run 2014
(sliding down something I should be able to just walk down)

Picking up from last time –

I wrapped up all my clothing, wiped down from all the mud with a towel (so lovingly leant to me from someone in the changing tent), and left my shoes in the donate bin.

(After working so hard to get the mud out of my other shoes after Habitat for Humanity, I was having none of that. Just wear some shoes I’m willing to get rid of, and call it a day.

Then, I ate like a crazy person after the race. I ravenously wolfed down a huge sausage – yum, yum, yum.

On Friday, I’d been debating whether to go to Bar Method (my sweet workout class) with my friend at work. I wanted to take the day off since I had the race coming up. But then my friend was all, “well, if you’re not going, then I don’t want to go.”

Aurora trying to climb over a little hill in an obstacle course race - while blindfolded - as someone without a blindfold is just easily walking over it
Yep that girl is easily walking right over something I’m trying to climb over since I can’t see

I didn’t want to be the reason someone didn’t work out! So, I dutifully went. My feeling was, “I’m just being a big ol’ wuss. Who needs to take a whole day off from working out to prepare for a 3 1/2 mile run? That’s so silly! Of course I’m going to go to Bar Method!”

Little did I know, a measly 3 1/2 mile run was very tough!

(Obviously it was fine that I went to work out, but it opened my eyes to the toughness of obstacle course racing, and I will keep that in mind as I approach my Spartan race.)

I don’t know if it was the obstacles themselves, or if it was just the exhaustion of my brain working so hard to get a sense of what was going on around me. All I know is I was straight up exhausted (and starving, and thankful for all the food trucks around!). *buries face in plate of food*

*Now, this line said with my mouth full* – and I’ll continue here tomorrow.

Irvine Lake “Summer of Mud” Obstacle Course Run – Blindfolded! (June 21, 2014) – Part 11 (Changing Clothes Post Race)

August 7, 2014

Aurora reaching up to her guide in the mud at the Irvine Lake Mud Rud 2014Picking up from last time (with the reasons I shouldn’t have left my over-shirt and vest outside the women’s changing rooms) –

First, I shouldn’t have wanted to leave my clothes because, well, for one thing, this is southern California! You don’t leave anything anywhere. Ever. Or else it’s gonna be gone, my friend.

Second, I shouldn’t have left anything that was only semi-clean because what I learned in the tent while changing was that you want to put every dirty thing you have in a plastic bag while you’re naked. That way once you finally put your clean clothes on, you no longer have to touch anything muddy.

Third, it’s sort of rude. I didn’t think about it as I was doing it. But once I came out of the changing room, I learned that a janitor had come along and thrown away my clothes. We’ll get to how super sad this is for me in a second. But, for now I’ll say that if a janitor thinks I’m littering, that means most likely I put my clothes in kind of a rude place. So, I’ll own that.

Okay, end of reasons. Now let’s talk about what a bummer it is that now my bib is gone forever! I didn’t know what I wanted to do with it, but I knew I wanted to do something with my beat up, muddy, crazy bib. But, since it was attached to my over-shirt and thrown in the trash while I was changing, I don’t get to frame it or anything.

Aurora getting pulled out of mud by her guides at the Irvine Lake Obstacle Course Mud Run 2014I also never get to wear my shirt from the race, since we all wore out Blindstart shirts to do the race (so that was indeed my over-shirt). I went back to the tent after the race to see if they had any more. They didn’t have a single extra shirt.

It’s all good and fine. I still have my medal, and how many shirts or bibs or other stuff does one girl need? Everything is fine, but in the moment it was sort of a bummer.

At the blind start tent, I left a $15 donation to make up for the vest and blindfold I lost (since it had been thrown away). So, that was another big bummer – losing stuff that wasn’t even mine.

Note to self – don’t ever leave your stuff around! How is this still a lesson I’m learning? I didn’t think anything would happen to some semi-muddy clothing at a mud run, but alas, I should’ve known.

I’ll wrap up the rest of this tomorrow.

That Time I (Hopefully) Gave Away A Kidney – Part 18 (Big Kidney Day! – Don’t Accept Statistics At Face Value)

August 6, 2014

Aurora making a silly face with her rosy cheeks
let’s just have some more silly weird selfies with my rosy cheeks after that contrast, ’cause why not?

Picking up from last time –

I’m not telling the conversation in a totally linear way because somewhere before it got too fight-y, she asked who’d be staying with me for weeks after the surgery 24/7. I sort of chuckled a little about 24/7, mentioning something like “not literally, right? Since someone will have to run to the store or go somewhere at some point.”

And with intense eyes immediately, she said, “Absolutely 24/7.”

Are you even being serious with me right now? Oh my gosh. Great that you want me to be taken care of, but eesh.

She then said something about how statistically people do so much better when they have a constant supporter after surgery. I got maybe three words out in a sentence trying to explain, “I recovered great from open-heart surgery when no one was there,” before she cut me off hammering home “statistics!”

Yes, how could I possibly argue with numbers when I have personal experience and know how I recover from surgery? (Not even that I was actually trying to argue with numbers. But honestly, do you have to be so intense and not even let me talk? This isn’t cool.)

So, basically, intense conversation going nowhere. Eventually it ended. (Thank goodness!)

I will return to Big Kidney Day. But for the time being, let me flash forward a little just with the social worker part of it. Because once I got to my parent’s house at the end of the day, I was livid when I was talking to my dad!

(Granted, more stuff will come later to help justify my high level of rargh. But already, we’re up to a pretty good amount.)

Now, my dad, who is more stubborn than I am(!) (I know, right?) – and by the way, argues for a living – he said he wouldn’t have standed for someone just cutting him off and saying the blanket statement that statistics dictate what’s right for me. He would’ve asked follow-up questions. “May I see the study? Who commissioned it? How many subjects were there?” etc., etc.

I love my dad for many reasons, but in that moment, one of the biggest was because instead of saying, “Stand down a little sweetheart. Do you really need to challenge a social worker when you can just go along with what she’s saying?” – he said, “I can’t believe you didn’t take her to task even more so! Go get her studies!”

Do we have to be quite that crazy and argumentative? No. We really don’t. It probably would’ve made my life easier to not ask any questions and tell the social worker what she obviously wanted to hear…

But I’m a patient! Yes, this surgery will obviously be both most beneficial and most stressful to the recipient. But I matter. I’ll be going through something too. Instead of treating me like a number and a checklist, should you take one second as a freaking social worker to think about what I need or what’s best for me? Is that, or is that not, kind of your job?

After my talk with my dad, I am in such agreement with him and his awesome argumentative nature. I start googling. And this is where we’ll pick up on Sunday.

Irvine Lake “Summer of Mud” Obstacle Course Run – Blindfolded! (June 21, 2014) – Part 10 (Showering Post Race)

August 5, 2014

Aurora turning toward a mini-wall (from behind) at the Irvine Lake Blind Mud Run Obstacle Course 2014Picking up from last time –

After the race, I got my canvas bag out of the trunk of the car and brought it over to the showers.

I’ve learned that it might be best to have a canvas bag inside your canvas bag! (Or maybe put some stuff in a paper bag if you can…) No matter how much I kept trying to keep my canvas bag clean, somehow mud just kept getting on the outside.

I got as little mud on it as possible, but I definitely brought my favorite canvas bag and that was not a smart idea!

I also only brought one towel! One? Try a million. (Okay, you don’t really need a million.) But the one I brought, I left in the car! My plan was to leave it on the seat in case I was wet or muddy. But if I only had one towel and that was on the seat, what exactly did I think I was going to wipe off with as I changed clothes? There was mud *everywhere*

So, my advice is to bring at least two towels – at least. And make ’em ones you don’t care about.

So, first, I walked over to the open showers where you go with your clothes on to try to get as much mud out as you could. Everyone seemed to have a different strategy. Some people got down to their underwear. Some didn’t. Some tried hard to wash out everything as much as they could – using shampoo, washing their hair, really trying to leave clean.

I basically tried to be somewhat generally clean, getting all falling mud off me and such. I washed off my blindfold, vest, and outer shirt (and took all that off.) Then I pretty much tried to get the mud out of the rest of the clothes I was wearing – undershirt, pants, all that. But there was no truly getting that mud out in my low-flow shower… maybe if I stayed there all day, but no likely scenario of getting actually clean.

So, I went over to the women’s changing room. I left my shirt and vest outside the tent, ’cause I dunno… I didn’t want to keep carrying my semi-clean things, I guess. I just wanted to change clothes and grab those on the way out.

This was an awful idea for multiple reasons – which we’ll get into next time.

Irvine Lake “Summer of Mud” Obstacle Course Run – Blindfolded! (June 21, 2014) – Part 9 (The Finish)

August 4, 2014

Aurora blindfolded at the Irvine Lake Mud run, asking if there's a tunnel in front of her (when she's already at the finish), 'cause she has no idea where she is.
I’m almost at the finish… and yet, I have no idea

Picking up from last time –

I’m going to be ridiculous as I start this blog post, because last time, I talked about how I don’t mind going it alone when need be. However, I’m going to start this one by talking about how awesome it was to be on a team.

I absolutely loved working with Joanna and Nick during this race. It was wonderful to do things together. Even though they were mainly guiding me, I felt like I was part of the team. While holding hands, if I felt Joanna start to slip, I’d try to grip tighter, pull up, and ask if she was okay. We were in it together. And there was something magical and cool about that. I love teamwork.

(I know, I know. I love teamwork. I love working alone. Make up your mind already, right Aurora? I guess apparently what I’m saying is everything is awesome (in its own way).)

Getting back to the race, we made it through the course.

Toward the end, there was a tunnel. I have no fear of tight spaces – none at all. (I lived in New York after all. ;)) Yet, the tunnel helped me to see how I rely so much on my sight. It only became slightly creepy once I couldn’t see anything in front of me. The one thing I could see is that I was inside something – not totally outdoors anymore.

Aurora complete in her muddy clothes and orange blind runner vest with blindfold after the Irvine Lake Obstacle Course run 2014Outside, the sun was bright. So while I couldn’t actually see anything, I could feel the sun – feel that it was bright even through my blindfold. But once in the tunnel, it just blackness. How long was the tunnel? What was on the other side? I alone at this point since my guides couldn’t go next to me in the tunnel.

(One had gone through and one was coming behind me – so they weren’t far, but no one was holding my hand anymore… And it was a weird experience.)

It was also funny to me that once I got out of the tunnel, I had no idea that I was at the finish! The picture I put in here is me asking if there’s another tunnel to go through. Little did I know, there were only celebration bubbles in front of me! The finish was right there… And I had no clue.

What an interesting, wonderful, eye-opening experience it was to have my eyes closed. I loved this. I would happily do this every year… and I just might.

That basically concludes the story, but I will talk about cleaning up in the next chapter – for anyone curious as to what to do after a mud run.

That Time I (Hopefully) Gave Away A Kidney – Part 17 (Big Kidney Day! – Visitors Are Serious Business)

August 3, 2014

Aurora giving a big smile in front of a blood pressure machine
Having fun in front of a blood pressure machine.

Picking up from last time –

So, in the big kidney talk, the various medical professionals had touched on visiting hours and when people would be able to see you.

I remember visitors being such a thing at Mass General, and me not wanting my parents there because they were way too worried. Ultimately, my parents respected that decision.

But in the interim, the social worker there had (as I mentioned before) been SO understanding. “Whatever you want, we can do. We can reduce your visiting hours, make your room visitor free, whatever you need.”

I almost asked in the big morning kidney talk with the doctors and nurses – if something like that were to become necessary, was it offered here at OSU. But I didn’t. I didn’t want to be a pain in the butt, or make a big stink about it. I knew that the people in Ohio would all respect my wishes.

I also thought that since this surgery is elective – I’m choosing/scheduling it on my terms, instead of having it disrupt my life – and since I’m not sick, just helping someone else… maybe I’ll have a different attitude this time!

Maybe, just maybe, I’ll try out having visitors. I like the people who’d come visit me. So why not? It could be fun!

So, I didn’t make a huge stink about it. But the more I’m getting backed into a corner in this social worker interview, the more I don’t want to have anyone visit me ever! And it was disappointing, because I thought this surgery might be an opportunity for me to try something new by having visitors. Maybe I would love that.

But if you’re going to force them on me, and act like someone always has to be in my room – I’m a stubborn girl and I’m gonna want to be alone now, if for no other reason, just to show you I can be happy in a way you’re acting as though I can’t be.

I know it’s not very Cory Booker-like of me to want to go against someone (to potentially my own detriment if I’m missing out on a cool experience) simply because that person is being really mean to me.

But what can I say? I’m not Cory Booker. I want to be able to be a patient and recover in the ways that are right for me! I just want to be respected. I’m totally on board with needing someone to drive me there and home. But making sure I have visitors everyday? Can you slow your roll, please?

Also, when I asked why someone needed to be there for the actual surgery itself – she actually told me that having a visitor during surgery is just as important as any of their other requirements… that if someone doesn’t show up during your surgery, the hospital treats that just as seriously as if you showed up with drugs in your system. They would not perform the surgery if you did not have someone present.

Are you kidding me?! You’re literally not going to perform surgery if I don’t have a visitor show up to be present for the part where they can’t even see me, or help me, or do any good whatsoever?! You’re telling me it’s as serious as drugs in my system, but you still never say why?!

What’s funny is that I’m angry about this and everything, but this is nothing in comparison to my interview with the psychologist. So, get ready for that soon enough.

Anyway, I’ll pick up here on Wednesday.

Irvine Lake “Summer of Mud” Obstacle Course Run – Blindfolded! (June 21, 2014) – Part 8 (Signing Up For Races By Yourself)

August 2, 2014

Aurora with her guides walking through muddy waterPicking up from last time –

This was the first mud run/obstacle course for all 3 of us – Joanna, Nick, and myself.

I don’t think there was any way better than this to do my first one. Obstacles can be intimidating. Getting so incredibly dirty and muddy can be intimidating. But for me, I just took it one step at a time. I didn’t have to worry about an obstacle I could see in the distance. I didn’t get a little grossed out jumping into super muddy water. I just went with the flow. Muddy water felt like normal water to me.

Joannna talked to me about doing this crazy new experience without getting any other friends to run it – and how I’m already signed up for a Spartan race, again with no one else yet signed up.

She thought that was daring, or brave, or something.

I’ve never thought too much about it.

I do, sometimes, try to get people involved in the activities I do. And actually, this year, I’ve met a few more people who seem to be more open to the idea of being involved in these various adventures with me.

Aurora first getting into the muddy water with her guideBut 99% of the time, I don’t decide to forget about things if I can’t find someone to go with. Ultimately, what do I care if I can’t get someone else to go? What do other people have to do with the things I want to do?

I don’t mean to sound for a second like I don’t appreciate time with my friends. Of course I do! Of course I love it, and work for it, and am grateful for it. I’m only trying to say that generally other people’s availability does not dictate my life.

This actually came up in conversation with a friend the other day. He said that this year, his goal was to become okay with going to the movies alone. He asked me if I ever went to the movies alone. And it was just interesting to me that that’s a thing some people don’t like to do. I don’t generally go to movies, but if you took all the time I did, I’d say on the majority of them, I do go alone. And I don’t think twice about it.

Anyway, I’m just kind of repeating the same information over again since I can’t seem to get my thoughts straight. But is this something any of you deal with? How do you feel about doing things alone? Is it bothersome? Not bothersome? I can absolutely appreciate the idea of building stronger friendships, but I also don’t believe in waiting around for life. What do you think?

(And I’ll talk more about the race next time.)