This whole thing was surprisingly sort of a hard story to tell.
The heart story blog posts almost always took way longer to draft than any other blog posts I write – not because they’re so well crafted or anything. Because sometimes I just needed a break.
In certain chapters, I’d say out loud to no one (but like you were here), “I just need a minute.”
I’d get up and get some water, or turn on some TV show to give my brain a break.
Sometimes my eyes would well up a bit, and I’d just have to go work on something else.
Some (most) chapters weren’t especially flattering. Some chapters weren’t that fun to relive. But I told the story. I guess it’s nice that I did so I’ll have a pretty good account of it in case, for whatever reason, I want to relive it again someday.
Every once in a while I unintentionally relive it for a moment. I love those medical dramas on TV. While I’m sure a lot of things on those shows are more dramatized than the real world, some things are incredibly reminiscent of my experience.
And it can be jarring – even still – to see something that so vividly and immediately transports me right back. (Good job, writers.) It’s just a weird part of my life. It doesn’t mean I’m ever going to stop watching Grey’s or Scrubs or others. It’s just a weird thing that happens sometimes.
I don’t know if that will be the case forever, but it’s the case for now and I’m okay with that.
I hope that you all enjoyed hearing my heart story. I’m sure I forgot some things.
For one thing, I forgot to mention this adorable older woman who had Alzheimer’s. She was a roommate of mine in the hospital. Her family was very kind, and at night she would always try to make my bed while I was in it.
It was just a random little sweet memory I had that I forgotten about ’til something reminded me the other day.
I also neglected to mention the rad heart pillow you get after open heart surgery. Volunteers make one for every patient who has the operation.
In these posts, I also forgot to mention how itchy wearing those leads can be, and how they leave these little red spots all over your chest that somehow get these dirt outlines.
So, suffice it to say there are things I forgot about that just kind of flash into my mind when something reminds me of them, or comes up when people talk to me about it. And I think, “Oh, I completely forgot about that part!”
But overall, I think I basically got it all. (I mean, it was 46 chapters! I think we all can live without every tiny anecdote.)
So, we did it! I told the whole thing.
If you have any questions or comments, you know I’m always open to that stuff. Thanks for being some great blog readers!