That Time I (Hopefully) Gave Away A Kidney – Part 26 (Big Kidney Day! – The Psychologist Thinks I’m SO Young)

Wednesday, September 3rd, 2014
Aurora in a random selfie with her fingers in her mouth

Oh don’t mind me. I’m just being all youthful and stuff… Know why my fingers are all up in my mouth? Because I’m covering up a ginormous pimple! So, maybe I am just a young whippersnapper after all…

Picking up from last time –

In addition to my free-spiritedness, she had another beef with me – my youth.

I’ve talked about youth all the time on this blog. Yes, yes, we all know I like to feel young because it’s the only way to feel valued or like you have any potential or matter at all in Los Angeles. (As a woman, that is. Men get to matter until they’re at least 50 – as long as they’re either wildly funny or good-looking. #Society)

Okay, so yes, I like to feel super cute and young and adorable and special and loved. (Don’t we all?) But in that, you know what I don’t like to feel like? An actual child.

Sure, I’m fun. And my bathroom easily looks like an 8-year old could’ve decorated it because of the cartoony monkey-themed stuff. I like bright, bold colors. I have a lot of childlike sensibilities.

But I’m still a smart (if you don’t mind me saying so), adult woman who understands how things work. I’m capable of making my own decisions. People my age go to war! They have children! They make all kind of decisions that will change their lives forever. I’m sure sometimes people don’t love the decisions they’ve made in their 20s. But it’s life. It happens.

I’ve been through major surgery. I’m pretty sure I get the gist of what it would be like. I’ve done a lot of research on this. I paid attention to the talk that morning.

(Side note: Even in the meeting with the social worker, she was all “do you know what you’re getting yourself into?” I rattled off the exact stats we’d heard that morning re: complications, death rates, etc. Absolutely shocked, she was all, “Oh, you were really listening and paying attention!” Of course I was! Why doesn’t anyone have any faith in me?)

Anyway, back to the psychologist, she tells me how when I’m older, I won’t believe that I was so fearless and free – that I just moved to New York on a whim or stayed on the east coast for 7 extra weeks during my half marathons simply for the reason “why not”?

Now, I’m with her that hopefully when I’m older I’ll think that I was super cool back then (now). (And hopefully, I will be freaking super cool as an older person too.) But here’s my question, even if I say, “whoa, that was crazy/cool – I can’t believe that happened” (which I’ll admit, I’ve already done even after only a year)… the question is – will I actually regret it all?

Being in sort of disbelief is different from having regrets. The case she was fighting for seemed to be that as I got older, I’d change and regret the younger me. I mean, sure I like to think a lot. And I’m pretty argumentative. (I think I’d be a rad lawyer!) So, if I really, really wanted to, I could probably argue all day as to whether every choice I’ve made in life has been the “right” one (which I’m pretty sure isn’t a thing that necessarily exists anyway)… But do I actually regret living, experiencing new things, meeting new people, and taking chances? Heck no, I don’t!

As she was telling me how ridiculous young people are and how we have no idea what we’re doing… she likened this to getting a tattoo. “A lot of young people think getting a tattoo is a great idea, but they regret it when they’re older.” This isn’t a tattoo! This is doing something purely to help another human being!

I hope that I never become the kind of person who says, “I really regret saving that person’s life.” And if I do, well, then we should all be thankful someone took my kidney while I still knew how to show compassion!

Now, while I’m still angry, I will admit, there is possibly a little tiny something to be said for what she’s saying… And I’ll get to that next time.

I'd love to hear from you! So whaddya say?