That Time I (Hopefully) Gave Away A Kidney – Part 27 (Big Kidney Day! – The Idea Of Surgery And Regret)

September 7, 2014

Picking up from last time –

Even though I think the psychologist was hitting the youth thing a little too hard, I’ll admit she sort of, kind of had a point-ish (barely).

For one thing, to her point about youthful decisions we regret – I will admit, in my first spring break at Berklee I had plastic surgery. That whole story is for another post. But I will say that part of me regrets it… I do agree that it helped me look more in line with my “brand” of being the “adorable” girl or whatever. But in trying to look how I was “supposed to,” I gave up looking the way I sort of liked.

I understand that in this life you don’t always get to look the way you want, or do the things you want, if they clash with your career. So, I still think overall, it was probably a worthwhile sacrifice. I had an amazing surgeon. I did make that decision with a clear head, knowing what I was doing. So, I’d say regret is probably too strong of a word. But I get where she’s coming from in the sense that at the time I thought I was a super adult who knew what was best for me?

But would I have still elected to have that surgery later? Sure, I was a “grown-up” then, but as an older grown-up, would I have learned to be more comfortable in myself? Maybe. We’ll never know. Anyway, yeah. I’ll admit. Sometimes things do look a bit different with years of experience.

But, here’s what I’ll say to that. For one thing, that surgery was specifically to make me look different! It was supposed to make a noticeable change in my appearance (which it did) – and therefore a somewhat noticeable change in my life.

With kidney surgery, not much changes. I will have a couple additional small scars. (And at this point, honestly, who cares? I already have scars from my various heart procedures. I can deal with a few more.)

Also, they don’t recommend MMA fighting. (Didn’t ever plan on that in the first place. I mean, I know never say never. But that’s really not my thing…)

And I can’t take NSAIDs (but I HATE pills anyway, so no problem at all there).

Kidney surgery will change my life in a different way than plastic surgery did – in that it basically won’t change my day-to-day life at all.

Also, let’s point out the super important difference here. Plastic surgery is to make me prettier in the eyes of the shallow entertainment industry, so that maybe I have a better career. It’s just another step you have to go through to fit the mold and be only as much of yourself as you’re allowed to be – to be different in a cool way instead of a too-different way.

Kidney surgery is to save someone’s life! So, basically it’s different in every way. And again, I don’t even truly regret my plastic surgery… But I’m just saying it’s the only thing I can think of from my personal experience file, in which I can try to understand the idea of surgery and regret working together.

(Thankfully, I did not bring up the plastic surgery with the psychologist, because I can only imagine what would’ve come of that! (Ugh))

I’ll pick up with more next time.

I'd love to hear from you! So whaddya say?