Picking up from last time –
As I was getting closer to the finish, I wasn’t thinking about how excited I was. I was more thinking about logistics. Okay, what comes first? Do I rip these shoes off? Do I eat?
There was like a list in my head of stuff I thought needed to happen, and when I came into the finish it wasn’t so much a celebration so much as, “okay. Get the medal. Get a photo. Grab some chips to put some fuel in your body. Ask Dave to help you take care of your blisters.”
And that’s what I did.
When I finished my first half marathon, it was a big deal to me. I was on top of the world. And when I finished the Goofy Challenge, it felt even better (though granted, when I finished my first full marathon, I don’t think I was quite ecstatic). When I finished my first 50k, I felt even better than at the Walt Disney World Marathon.
So, part of the reason I did this 50-mile race is because I thought that every time my distance increased, I felt better! I wondered “what could a 50-mile race possibly feel like?” But then when I actually got to the finish, I didn’t feel a huge sense of relief or elation wash over me. And I can’t totally pinpoint why!
I don’t know if it’s because there were only 3 people at the finish instead of hundreds… My best hypothesis is this:
Running is my therapy. It’s my stress relief, my meditation, whatever you want to call it. And often when I’m running a race, I’m working something out. For instance, I trained for my first half marathon because I’d quit a job and I thought it might’ve been the dumbest career move of my life (and it might’ve been… but you never know).
I didn’t know what to do with that pent-up stress/energy! So, I trained for a race. And I ran it, and everything seemed so much better. (In fact, everything seemed so beautiful during the training of that! I was living in New York, working at Macy’s Herald Square. It was such a precious time I value… Moving on.)
During the LA Marathon, I was peeved at a good friend of mine (’cause even good friends are never perfect… as none of us are). And I ran out my little peeved-ness. During the Goofy Challenge, I wasn’t upset about anything, but I was running out the end of this big project. It was this huge culmination of something.
And here, the questions were more open-ended. “Where do I want to be? How do I want to get there?” So, nothing felt resolved at the end…
It kind of felt like, “Uh, is this really the end? Should I keep running?