That Time I (Maybe?) Gave Away A Kidney – Part 40 (They’re Taking My File To Committee?!)

Sunday, July 19th, 2015

Picking up from last time –

So, I called to find out the results. The receptionist said she’d look into it and get back to me. She called me later in the day and told me the fabulous news. My protein is within the normal range! What up now?!

I was so excited, and kind of in a bit of disbelief. I emailed my donor coordinator like a kid at Christmas. “What comes next? Let’s do this thing!”

She wrote back and told me she’d take my file to the kidney committee.

What? Already? Seriously? I thought I’d have to take the test at least once more, if not twice more. How is this happening? But if she thinks the file is ready to go to committee, I guess let’s go there!

After all, the test was turned in May 1st. And everything had to be done by August in order to give my kidney without having to re-take everything (since my big kidney days happened in August of last year).

(If you’ve gotten lost in the story at all, part of all the time it took was getting an appointment with a primary care doctor and blah blah blah. But can you believe nearly a year went by?)

I waited with bated breath as each looong day went by until the 22nd. I didn’t think they’d necessarily say, “let’s do it!” But I did think they’d at least say, “We’ll do it with two more good tests” (or something like that.

But no. I got an email that afternoon from my donor coordinator saying I’d receive a call from the doctor.

Since I remembered how long it took him to call me last time (with his completely justifiably busy schedule), I asked if she could at least tell me the outcome (especially since we were going into a holiday weekend).

She wrote back saying the “decision is NOT reversed.” (She’s the one who put not in all caps, not me.) There was something about that all caps part that stung.

If this test wasn’t gonna be good enough, why did my file even go back to committee (without anyone asking me to get more tests first)? Why did I get my hopes up (even a little)?

This sucks. This really sucks.

I thought I was ready for the rejection, since of course part of me thought it would happen. But there was that pesky relentlessly optimistic side who thought, “Time has passed! They’re the ones who said my file should go to committee without asking for anymore tests firsts. They’re gonna say yes – or at the worst yes with conditions.”

But relentless optimistic me was obviously wrong.

And I started sobbing in front of my friend who I happened to be with (getting ready to go to lunch) when I got the email on my phone. (We were in his apartment, not public yet, when the sobbing happened – in case that makes it less weird in your mind… or maybe more weird. Who knows. All I know is I needed to cry!)

And this is where I’ll pick up next time.

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