I have so many swirling thoughts in my head; I hardly know where to start.
I don’t always like when people say that… Are you stalling? Are you not thinking your audience is worth the time to sort your thoughts? Like, what’s the deal…
But I guess sometimes thoughts are just crazy. This whole thing is crazy. I found out on August 18th and it’s still crazy to me (a few days later when this is being written).
So, I suppose let me start at the beginning.
The BMI Lehman Engel Musical Theatre Workshop is a prestigious program in New York City. It’s been dubbed the “Harvard of show tunes” by the New York Times. Their alum list is super impressive. It’s dope, basically.
I have applied to the workshop for the last 6 years.
6. years.
This year (year 6) was the hardest (of course). It gets hard when you’re rejected over and over and over and over.
I start to wonder, “Am I delusional? Am I someone who thinks she’s good but obviously isn’t? But how could that be? The feedback I got at Berklee and from people in New York I trust – so much of it was so good. I have to have potential. That has to be real. Doesn’t it?”
I slogged through putting my audition packet together this year. I wrote a ballad literally begging for an audition. I already submitted my best comedy songs (in my opinion). So I wrote a silly new one about texting, just for BMI. For my last song, I took one I hadn’t yet submitted from a musical I’d written.
In fact, I can just show you the lyrics so we’re all on the same page:
Ballad:
[Song: “PLEASE LET ME AUDITION”]
AURORA
I STILL HAVE THE LETTER THAT YOU WROTE A YEAR AGO.
THOUGHT NOW I’D FEEL BETTER. BUT I GUESS WHAT DO I KNOW?
IS MY ACHING, SHATTERED HEART
AN INCURABLE CONDITION?
OH MY LOVE, MY BMI, JUST PLEASE LET ME AUDITION!
I STILL HAVE THE LETTER THAT YOU WROTE FOUR YEARS AGO.
YOU THINK I’D KNOW BETTER, WHEN YOU ALWAYS TELL ME NO.
COULD YOU LEARN TO LOVE ME BACK,
IF I SHOW YOU MY AMBITION?
OH MY LOVE, MY BMI, JUST PLEASE LET ME AUDITION!
I’LL BRING YOU CAKE OR HEALTHY SNACKS
WHAT ARE YOUR FAVORITE FOODS?
A RHYME THAT MIGHT BE FUNNY HERE
COULD BE TO OFFER NUDES
I ONLY WANT TO MAKE YOU SMILE,
DON’T WANT TO CROSS A LINE
LET’S END THIS OH SO DESPERATE BRIDGE,
AND DESPERATE SONG OF MINE
I KNOW I’VE BEEN KNOCKING AT YOUR DOOR FOR MANY YEARS
EVER YEAR IT’S HARDER. BUT I CAN’T LIVE IN MY FEARS.
AM I ASKING FAR TOO MUCH?
WE’RE NOT TALKING ‘BOUT ADMISSION.
OH MY LOVE, MY BMI, JUST PLEASE LET ME AUDITION!
(And I’ll get to my other songs tomorrow.)