(#17) The Wreck Of My First BMI Assignment

Thursday, November 5th, 2015

While we’re talking about things that weren’t good. Let’s keep going, huh?

Aye, aye, aye, my first BMI assignment.

(I labeled this #17 ’cause I’m counting my BMI assignments as part of my 52 performances in 52 weeks.)

This is hard to talk about because it involves another person. So I don’t like to talk about that on a public blog… It’s also such a huge part of my life, how can I not talk about it? I’ll just try to be anonymous-ish and nice-ish haha.

Basically, we could never land on the same page. I’m not tearing him down. I’m just saying we didn’t go together. It was like trying to fit a square peg into a star in outer space – like, forget finding a round hole of at least the same material in the same room.

Train an astronaut, get the funding to put a rocket into space, get the engineers to do the leg work. Get that square peg inside a star – that’s how well we went together.

We kept going in circles. It seemed like we were never moving forward, and I didn’t have the time to do that. I had oh so much going on and gave every extra moment to this assignment.

I remember flying in from Los Angeles the morning of our presentation, taking an uber from the airport (as opposed to a bus, or subway, or train) because I wanted to make sure I had time to go to his apartment to write.

We still didn’t get anything done, and I stayed until I had no choice but to uber to work if I wanted to be on time. And I remember that day spending way too much money (when I already felt like I was hemorrhaging money) to make time to get something done – and nothing got done. Again, not blaming him. It just was one of those things…

We finally performed our song for the class. It was a bummer because neither of us had a song we wanted. And I was eviscerated. He at least got “nice, catchy melody.” I got it hard from all angles.

I also learned that even though we were told to work together and be an equal partnership, the lyricist seems to take the downfall if the class doesn’t like the premise of the song (which we changed about a hundred million times while working). So, that’s good to know for the future…

It was SO quiet when we performed, it felt like sound was actually leaving the room, just being sucked out into the ether somewhere. Not a laugh. Not a chuckle. Not even a smile. I have never felt so utterly terrible after a performance.

All I wanted was to show the moderators, “Do you feel like you maybe made a little mistake not letting me in earlier? :-)” And all I showed them was, “Do you feel like you maybe made a little mistake not letting me in at all?”

I left immediately when class was over. (Thankfully, I actually went to a musical with a friend in town from Los Angeles, which was really nice. So, I wouldn’t have really hung out much afterward anyway. But my goodness I didn’t want to see anyone from class – kind of ever again. 😛 …And that was the beginning of the end…Oof.)

Shockingly though, the performance itself went fine-ish. People complimented my voice. I felt good about that. Someone even wanted me to sing his next song (though I found out too late, which was a big bummer). So, I guess as far as the 52 performances part goes, this was a…. succeeeeeeeeeess?

I'd love to hear from you! So whaddya say?